Hivefled
by Laburnum Steelfang
Summary: A Homestuck AU, in which the game never happened; three trolls were conscripted, then became deserters. Now, all of them are on the run as they try to prepare to take down a twisted regime. While not forgetting they are in the best sweeps of their lives. Cowritten with Fovos offsite, check out our Tumblr account! Warnings for extreme violence and sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Some of you may already know us from the Homesmut Kink Meme or the Hivefled Tumblr. Long story short, this is the result of my guilt for prompting torture porn. I wanted a fic focusing on hurting Gamzee (as I like to call it, "Makarabuse"), and then felt bad when I saw it, so I teamed up with the filler to create a plottier spinoff in which he gets a little comfort and everyone else gets some screen time. The Tumblr and my AO3 account "chelonianmobile" host the pornographic sidechapters; they're not strictly necessary for enjoyment of the main plot, but they're there if you want them.**

**Tri99er warnings: death; extreme violence; war; torture; rape; incest; mutilation; slurs; victim-blaming; slut-shaming; extremism and confusion relating to fictional religions; gender and sexuality issues; relationship issues; culture clashes; extremely dark humour.**

* * *

A young man stood in his bedroom; or, rather, in what would officially become his bedroom at the end of that summer. It was a beautiful afternoon, and all was right with John Egbert's world. He didn't have much to unpack, given over the summer most of the stuff from his old house would be shipped here. Enough clothes, movies, and books to keep him entertained until the rest of his stuff showed up. If he even had time, for the first time in a long time all his friends were together.

An extremely unmanly scream interrupted his thoughts from the next room. He ran out, and found his friend Dave stomping out of his own room, muttering what sounded like the phrase "fucking puppets".

_"_Bro sneak Cal into your luggage again?" John asked, smirking. "I heard the scream."

"What scream? Nobody was screaming," Dave said, expressionless as usual.

"Sure, Strider," he said, a snicker badly masked. The scream that may or may not have happened roused the attention of the two others unpacking in their respective rooms. Both of them poking their head out of their doors to see what the noise was about.

"Was that you, Dave? Or is the prankster's gambit stronger than ever, John?" Jade asked, a small smile on her face. Either way that scream would have been funny. John let himself smile, looking towards his cousin.

"Well, it wasn't me, no sudden surprises in my suitcase."

"Dave, are the puppets following you up from San Antonio?" Jade said a small laugh in her voice, but she was being more graceful about it then John ever was. Dave opened his mouth to respond when he was nearly mowed over by a huge white ball of fluff.

"Bec! Here boy!" The dog perked up and bounced over to Jade, wagging its tail. She let it jump up for a hug. "Who's a good boy? Good dog! Best friend!"

"I see my mother managed to keep him alive during our school year," Rose said, eyeing the dog. "It doesn't seem he is any worse for wear." Bec confirmed this with a bark and a drooly grin.

"Rose, don't be so mean! It was really sweet of her to let him stay.. I would have hated to leave him all alone for the whole school year and summer." Jade was scratching behind his ears, while he watched Rose. She spared him a pat on the head.

"Back on the topic of surprises in suitcases, Bro stuck about a million condoms in mine. Again," Dave sighed. "And a note." He flourished the offending paper and read it. "'Use these if you need them, and I do not mean to make balloon animals'. Don't suppose you want any?"

John wrinkled his nose. "Dude, we're staying with my cousin and my stepsister. Ew."

"I bet we'll go into town at some point. Don't you want to be prepared? I mean what if you meet someone, what if she's the one. You go up to some secluded Lover's Lane and both of you spread out on a blanket and start making out and you're about to take the next step. Then you remember you didn't take from you good friend Strider's extensive condom pile and you can't go any farther. You stop, and then you never see her again. All chances of happiness and your soulmate gone for all eternity just because you were unprepared." Dave sighed melodramatically.

"If he doesn't want any, can I have some?"

"Aw, geez, Jade!" John groaned. "I didn't need that thought."

"Hey, be nice to your cousin!" Dave told him, handing over a few of the little foil packages. "She just wants to share her love, ain't that right, Jade? Guess you've gotta 'cos you've got so much you'll explode in a cloud of candyfloss and rainbows if you don't let some out." He winked, insofar as the others could tell whether he was winking behind his sunglasses.

"I would point out that you would understand that better than anyone, Strider, however that would be the pot calling the kettle black." Rose joined the group in the hallway.

"Yeah, I'll never understand why you two broke up." John shook his head.

"Are we all done unpacking? If so, perhaps there is something you would all like to do. Other than congregate in the hallway like a very fleshy fire hazard."

Dave's stomach answered the question for him with a quiet gurgle. "How about we go eat something other than airplane peanuts?"

"Do you want to head into town or would you rather make our own food here? Either option is fine by me, though going into town might be better than the meager pickings around the house. Mother or us will have to go shopping. Though I am sure we could produce sandwiches. Which might be far more enjoyable than peanuts."

"Sandwiches sound fine," John said, shrugging. "Just not peanut butter, okay? I can't have it and I think Dave would kill himself if he ever sees peanuts again."

"I don't intend to kill either of you… Yet," Rose said with a small smile. John just shook his head at her. "Let us head down to the kitchen then."

In the kitchen, Rose scowled at the plate of assorted sandwiches, crusts cut off, already waiting on the kitchen table. "Damn. My mother is a cunning and persistent woman."

"She makes good sandwiches, too," said Jade, mouth full of cucumber and bread.

"I'm happy it's sandwiches, not cake. You'll have to get used to that, Rose. You'll come home from school and there will be sandwiches and cake waiting for you. Now there's two of us it'll be worse than ever, we'll end up buried in cake and notes saying 'I AM SO PROUD OF YOU KIDS'. Speaking of your- I mean our mom, where is she?"

"I would assume she is at work. I just can't believe we are starting these games so soon after I am home. I would think she'd give me at least one day to get my passive-aggressive ability back. Since I am older, I guess she knows I can handle it. How do I counter this?" Rose said with a sigh. She sat down at the table, taking her own sandwich.

"Breakfast in bed?" Dave suggested. "You could get up at like four AM and make breakfast and wake her up about half an hour early so she's gotta get up and thank you …"

"Dave, don't encourage her."

"Or you could make me breakfast in bed," Dave added, ignoring Jade. "I promise not to be passive-aggressive about it."

"No."

"It was worth a shot - if I make it for you, will you return the favor?"

"I fear what you know how to cook. I was under the assumption you ate nothing but frozen pre-packaged meals. I must say Pizza Rolls for breakfast doesn't do anything for me."

"I'm going to get us off of this topic. What do you guys want to do, we still have plenty of sunlight to do whatever." John said. "Though I gotta admit, I'm a little tired from the flight."

"Maybe we should just hang out around here then? Watch a movie, TV, or something else. Plan for something bigger later. If y'all don't mind."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Jade said. "Then we'll have a full day if we want to go hiking or whatever. I'd love to go hiking, the scenery's great around here."

"Sounds fun- wait." John looked at Bec, whose ears were perked up curiously. "Can you guys hear something? Sort of a whining, whistling sound outside? I think it's getting louder."

Bec jumped up from where he was laying on the floor, barking at the back door. The four friends hurried outside and looked around, unable to pinpoint the noise until Rose pointed to the sky and cried "There! Look!"

A streak of light was tearing across the blue sky, heading towards the earth. From the sound, it was going to land not very far away.

"What the fuck is that?" Dave asked no one in particular.

"Space junk? Maybe a satellite fell out of orbit?" Jade added, squinting at it. "Looks bigger than a satellite though."

"Is it a plane?" John sounded nervous. "Because it looks like it's heading right towards us."

"No, I think we're safe," Rose said, blinking from staring at the bright light. "Looks like it's going to land somewhere on the other side of the hill. It just looks close because it's big … definitely looks too big to be a satellite."

"I don't know what it could be, and I'm usually pretty space savvy. It doesn't look like any type of thing I've ever seen before." Jade lifted a hand, resting it over her eyes, trying to get a better look at the thing. "It would be landing in the woods that's for sure. Judging by the trajectory. Though, it doesn't look like it's slowing down much."

"Geez, if it is a spacecraft I hope there's nobody in it," John said. "No way is it going to be able to land safely here-"

The mysterious object disappeared over the crest of the hill. Moments later, a loud BOOM shook the house, the shockwave nearly knocking the group off their feet. Bec barked almost loudly enough to drown out the sound of the collision, and everyone was too busy trying to stay on their feet to react until it died down. When all was silent again, the four looked at each other.

"Or we could go hiking right now?" Dave suggested.

"Would you mind, John?"

"Not at all!" John said, rocking back and forth on his heels and grinning excitedly. "I want to know what that was, what happens if it was like a meteor or something? We would get to discover it!"

Bec picked up the excitement from the humans and barked again, happily this time.

"So we're in agreement," Rose said with a nod. "To adventure."

The four moved into the house, each getting appropriate footwear, backpacks, and water bottles, and Rose left a brief note to her mother. Meeting up back outside facing towards the hill, they set off, Bec following close beside Jade. It wasn't a long walk to one of the trails leading into the woods.

"We stay on the trail, and look for any broken trees or signs of impact." Rose said. "I don't really feel like needing a search and rescue team my first day back."

"This goes over the hill right?"

"If you travel on it long enough it will. Just keep a lookout for any signs of something that big crash landing."

"Can't exactly be easy to miss, right?" Dave said with a shrug.

As it turned out, it was. Two hours passed, and not a sign could be found. The group took a break, sitting on a fallen tree and taking out their water bottles. Jade let Bec drink from hers when she was done with it, earning a disgusted look from John.  
"Ew, are you sure you should be sharing a water bottle with your dog?"

"Geez, it's not like I'm putting it in his mouth," Jade said, pouring the water close enough to Bec's snout for him to catch it with his tongue. "Poor dog's thirsty!"

"Hm. Your dog aside, I thought for sure we would have found our mystery object by now," Rose mused. "I suppose it must be further away than I assumed."

Jade's eyes were wide behind her glasses. "That must mean it was really big. I guess it probably landed well away from the path … maybe we should split up?"

"I don't think wandering off the trail is a good idea. I doubt there's anything dangerous in the woods, but it's easy to get lost."

"Aw, c'mon, we won't go far," Dave protested. "We've got our phones, right, not like any of us would be caught dead without 'em? Any of us get into trouble we can call each other, or call for help - there a forest equivalent of the coastguard?"

Rose frowned. "Well, I suppose it can't really do much harm. As long as we meet back up before dark …"


	2. Chapter 2

**Breaking News at 3:44** The deserter Princess Feferi Peixes has founded a terrorist organization. They are an obvious threat to the peace of the Empire, threatening to allow the Vast Glub to be sung. More information to be released as it comes.

**Update at 5:16** A few prominent younger trolls have either been abducted or defected to the rebellion. They boarded the SAIGE-40 at approximately 13:12. They managed to slaughter 5 trolls while they slept before the alarm went off. As they tried to flee, the subjugglator division managed to take 15 of the rebels. The only one captured alive quickly swallowed some type of poison.

**Update at 5:55** The Panashkar of SAIGE-40 released a statement: "Upon reviewing the footage of the attack, it seems as if they had help from the inside; two trolls have been arrested and taken in for further questioning. From what we can tell there were three targets of the attack: the Empress, who is on SAIGE-40 reviewing fleet plans; her Head Peacekeeper; and his protege.

When the alarm sounded, the High General set to make sure the Empress was safe from any threat. His ward set off to stem the threat. He took down two of the trolls attempting to get to the Empress, and he was working towards finding where they had hidden. Right now he is missing."

**Update at 7:05** The Condescension has made a statement to the whole of the Empire:

_"I hope all of you will forgive me for my absence in not making a statement; however, this attack has shaken me to my core. We, as an Empire, have always strived to keep every troll safe. I know that isn't always possible. This attack has only reaffirmed the point my General and I have been speaking about since my arrival here._

_This attack has hit very close to my heart. This involves discussion of something I have avoided for sweeps for various reasons. This situation warrants me to allow you all to have a private look into my life. The General and myself are moirails. He is presently very distraught, as his protege has been taken. But that young troll was not simply a ward or in training under the general. He was also his progeny. We suspect and fear for the worst. I ask if any troll notices anything suspicious of your blockmate, or anything strange occurring on your ship, to report it immediately._

_They will be attempting to take trolls' lives to frighten us. To weaken us. We did receive one message from them, asking me to abdicate my throne via suicide. This type of cowardice should sum up the motivations of this group. If my cabinet wishes to assist in my death, they can keep their positions; if not, they will be executed as well._

_This fight will not be simple, as it appears they have sympathizers all over the empire. Promising power to those that assist, and slavery or death to all those who oppose and even those who remain neutral. I will be the first to say that the Empire has problems; however, asking a troll to kill themselves because you are too weak to do so yourself is not what we need for progress in our hold on the reaches of space._

_I understand that the idea of revolution might seem romantic. I would ask you to keep in mind that they are ready and willing to drag innocent trolls to their deaths while they sleep. They are willing to enslave any troll who questions their methods, they are ready to ruin our hold on our universe with weak and feeble ideas, inviting even more pain and suffering from stronger opponents out in the galaxy._

_I fear for every troll out there. Their reach doesn't matter to caste, they will strike down or torture any troll who opposes them. I ask that any troll with information about this group step forward so there need not be any more needless deaths based on the Princess's timid nature. I will be opening my wealth, my assets, and privilege to every Captain of the ships, and any valid information brought forward will be rewarded handsomely. Together we will stand for true ideals, for our superiority over our domain, and we will not be knocked down because one girl didn't want to face me in open combat. Thank you all."_

**Update at 12:35** Another attack happened last night on the Caltorinii Colony, in an attempt to reduce the flow of supplies. No contact can be made with the land, and security photographs do not bode well. At this time there is not a lot of information available, as updates arrive we will keep you posted.

**Update at 3:57** A recon team was sent to Caltorinii and the amount of devastation is bound to reverberate through the empire. The lives of hundreds of colonists and amberblooded trolls have been lost. The Caltorinii colony is the main supplier of foodstuffs, and all the stores have been destroyed or poisoned. The livestock was slaughtered and the meat destroyed. There is not yet an official count for the deaths, though the amount of destruction of supplies might bring a food shortage to the Empire.

* * *

_A/N: SAIGE-40 is the technical name for the Subjugglator ship. (The name of it is "Tarlou-Na", which is in the sacred language of the Subjugglators and not Alternian.)_

_Panashkar (pn.) press secretary pl. Panashkarij_

_The actual planet is Caltoran, however "-(r)inii" was added by the Alternian empire to show it was a colony under them. "-(r)inii" is a diminutive, usually used in making pet names or cutie-grub names of trolls._


	3. Chapter 3

Gamzee didn't exactly know the way out of the caves, but now that the awkward conversation was over, he was going to leave. He knew both Karkat and Kanaya were stalking behind him, trying to stop him. He didn't tell them any more than he had to. Told them that the Empire was aware of their movements and where they were. That they did have a squad to take care of it covertly, and no one else would know they were ever there.

He was done, he could hide away and not have to be cooped up in a cave system. He didn't have to endanger any of their lives again. He would just vanish, which was starting to be a task. With or without the mask or paying attention to when he walked back in, every tunnel looked the same and he couldn't seem to get his brain to focus long enough to recite directions backwards.

He knew he was ahead of his two friends, he knew the longer he stayed there the more risky it would be. He dodged into another tunnel, and this was he was sure he didn't recognize. He took a moment in the darkness of the tunnel to readjust his hood and try to get his wits about himself.

It wouldn't take long to vanish on the surface, he just had to get there. He took a breath and strained his ears, trying to find where Karkat or Kanaya were, as well as listen for anyone else. Not hearing anyone too close, he left the strange hallway and kept working his way down hallways and different paths to hopefully find his way up to the exit. He could find somewhere relatively close to stay if the sun was still out, wait until it set, and he'd be on his way.

His stomach fluttered and clenched, and despite all the sleeping he had done back in the room he had been kept locked up in on his first arrival, he was exhausted. He could feel himself wanting to yawn, and just curl up and actually sleep. But him being there was a danger to everyone, if he could just vanish things would be better. Then he could rest and find himself something to eat.

The sound of humming alerted him to another troll's approach. He knew that voice, if only from occasional webcam chats. He glanced around frantically for somewhere to hide, but before he could, Vriska Serket had turned the corner and noticed him. She squinted, trying to make out his face in the shadow under his hood. He tugged it further down, hoping fervently that she wouldn't recognise him.

She shifted slightly, arm at the ready to pull out a weapon. "Are you a friend or did you just stumble into my lair?" It was unlike the Vriska he knew to ask questions first, but he should have known an unknown troll in these caves would be suspicious.

He sighed and debated with himself internally. He could reveal his identity, he could attempt to fight her, or he could try to run off. He had a head start with Karkat and Kanaya, but this was a little close. Fighting her would risk hurting her, and he didn't want to leave any of his friends in pain as he left.

"Friend." His voice was soft. Vriska shifted, she was thinking. He probably sounded different. He cleared his throat. "Don't worry, spider sister. I ain't here to do anything ill." She recognized him then.

"'Spider sis-'… Gamzee Makara!" She cackled loudly. "Well, the gang's all here now!" She strode forward and for a moment he thought she was going to hug him, but instead she grabbed his arm and pumped it in a violent handshake - exactly eight pumps, of course. "How long has it been? Wow."

He lamely returned the handshake, wanting to get her hands off him. As soon as her hand seemed to lessen its hold he tried to pull his arm away. She had something between a smile and a grimace on her face, holding his arm in place. He thought over her question. He didn't honestly know. "Three months, since I got on the ships… I guess."

She moved forward again, grabbing his wrist this time instead of his hand. "Come on, I didn't know they had actually recovered you, I'm sure everyone will want to see you. I'll come along so you don't met a sticky end from someone who wouldn't be as collected as I am in the face of danger." She pulled him forward.

"No, it's all good, sis, I kinda just want to sleep. I'll see everyone tonight."

Her thumb rubbed lightly over his wristbones, and she frowned. "Well, you should at least come and get some food. I can feel you're way too skinny, it'd be a pain in the ass if you starved to death so soon after we found you." He must have flinched, because she cackled again. "Geez, can't you take a joke? Huh, for a clown you really have no sense of humour. So laaaaaaaame!"

"I ain't gonna starve over one day. So how about you let me go and we can see each other in the dusk? I'll be more up for socializing then." His stomach churned at the thought of real food. Not the collection of things he had been fed that were masquerading as food. "Anyway it's late, pro'lly everyone will be sleeping."

"Don't be silly!" She pulled him forward again. "We stay up to all hours of the day now. Anyway, you're nowhere near where you should be holing up to sleep. A little close to the surface here. You wouldn't want something to come in and snatch you up while you slept." The words plus the thought sent a shiver of fear through him. Her lips turned more into a smile with that. "Let me at least show you where you're sleeping, and on the way we can get you a snack or something."

The sound of running feet and a shout of "Gamzee!" announced the arrival of Karkat and Kanaya. They scurried up beside him, Karkat panting slightly from running. "Thanks for finding him, Vriska, I was wondering if he'd vanished into thin air. Sheesh, I can't fucking take my eyes off you for a moment, you pan-added clown …"

"Hello, fearless leader," said Vriska, throwing an ironic salute in Karkat's direction. "I was about to take him to get fed, you want to come with us?"

"That would be good." Vriska's eyes narrowed slightly at Karkat. "Do you want help getting him down there? He's a little out of it still." Vriska's eyebrow arched.

"Why are you being polite all of a sudden?"

"Vriska, just do it, just help us take him down to get something to eat." Karkat might have been frustrated and angry, but he was trying to stay calm. Apparently he was overdoing the acting. Gamzee tried to pull his hand from Vriska; instead her hand just clutched down tighter, pulling him down the hallway, and to a little offshoot. Vriska in front of him and Karkat and Kanaya behind him. He wanted to growl, but that wouldn't help him to escape and just might inform everyone something was wrong.

Kanaya pulled herself up beside him. "Gamzee." She patted his shoulder and he fought every urge to roll it to push the touch away. "It'll be alright." He turned his head to the side, well aware she couldn't see his expression. But he was sure if she could have she might have been lit on fire. At least the growl was still contained.

Soon enough they found the dining room; a large cavern full of long tables. Few trolls were there at this time of day, but a familiar figure was seated nearby; Terezi Pyrope. She turned at the sound of new arrivals, and sniffed. "Karkles!" She jumped up to greet him, and he grudgingly let her hug him. "How's it going? … Who's the long streak of licorice?" she asked, gesturing towards Gamzee's black cloak. He shrank away from her as much as he could without being conspicuous.

"Turns out my… followers aren't completely incompetent and managed to recover Gamzee. We're just feeding him and then getting him a place to sleep. Speaking of sleep, you should get to it too. We have a lot to discuss now that everyone is here." Karkat moved back to give her the room to head towards the door.

Terezi cackled loudly. "Heyyy, Mister Grape Faygo is back! …" She sniffed. "That's … that's a _lot_ of grape Faygo …" Her face fell abruptly. "Fuck. Fuck, Gamzee, are you bleeding?" She sniffed again, blinking her blind eyes and directing her face upwards slightly, towards his horns. Karkat gestured frantically at her to shut up, but of course she couldn't see him and her famous smellovision was taken up with Gamzee. "And I'm getting a little less in the way of candy corn than usual … and is that mulberry? Smells like you've got some pretty bad bruises."

Gamzee shifted nervously. "Uh. Bruises. Yeah." He backed away, looking for a chance to run.

Vriska was eyeing him and taking in his broken horn, the most obvious addition to his collection. She stalked forward a little bit, trying to see under the hood. "Come here, Gamzee," she said, trying to sound welcoming. "Tell me how your horn got broken."

"Actually, Vriska, I think I'm just going to take him to get some sleep," Karkat butted in, standing between her and Gamzee. "You both should head out, go get some sleep."

"But," Terezi said, "I'm not tired yet. The sun just set, you're acting like we have recoontimes."

"We aren't wrigglers anymore, Karrrrrrrrat." Vriska was still eyeing Gamzee. No doubt Karkat's actions made this whole situation seem more suspicious. Gamzee looked over to the door, Kanaya still standing over by it. He didn't have the energy to put up with this, he just wanted to be alone, then sleep, and then eat.

He tried to leave, but Vriska's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. "C'mon, if you've got new scars I wanna see! I always miss out on the cool fights, I want a play-by-play! How much worse off did the other guy end up?"

"I-I-" Gamzee stammered and tried to pull his hand away. Karkat grabbed his other arm and tried to pull him in the other direction.

"Vriska, let go of him so I can show him where to sleep. He's had head injuries, he'll be even dopier than usual!"

Gamzee would have protested, but he and Karkat were both engaged in a tug-of-war against Vriska, the rope being Gamzee's arm. At least it wasn't the scarred one; the sleeve was sliding up, and had it been the other one some extremely difficult questions would have been asked. The growl finally bubbled up out of Gamzee's throat, rising in volume into a snarl. Vriska, in her surprise, let go of his arm.

Gamzee's momentum threw him backwards and, as he caught his balance, his hood slid back. The cloak was old and tattered, and Kanaya hadn't yet had a chance to repair the broken horn-straps on the hood, so it slid all the way off his face.

The room was silent. Karkat and Kanaya had known what to expect, of course, but Vriska gaped and stared, and Terezi sniffed again, gasped, and reached out. Before her fingers touched the staples, Gamzee covered his face with his arm and turned to run.

Feferi Peixes was standing in the doorway.

Gamzee skidded to a halt just before running into her. Somewhere his mind linked two things. He knew it was Feferi, she was too short, but he could see her. He could tell how much of the Empress was in Feferi. His breathing echoed in his chest; grasping on tighter to his face, he slowly took a step back, unable to shake the image from his mind. As far as his mind was concerned he was back in the torture room. Escaping had been a cruel trick his mind played on him while he slept.

Feferi's eyes met his and he felt himself shudder, his bloodpusher followed along before increasing its rhythm. He knew he was backing up, and he couldn't stop his feet. She raised an eyebrow, confusion quickly fleeting along her features. Before she smiled.

He froze. His whole body went rigid. He looked at her smile, the way it lined up on her face, how it exposed her teeth, even how her eye curved with the look. His breath came out chopped and forced. She went to move forward, and he could feel his stomach plummet to the floor. He'd abandon it there. Both of them, his Keeper and the Hag, merged into one troll and it was standing in front of him. She took a step and his eyes widened, there was a noise behind him, someone was talking. Someone was acknowledging it - her, he tried to remind himself. It didn't work and with another step his body reacted on impulse and he dropped his arm and ran. Almost running into her, but dodging at the last second; hopefully she wouldn't try to grab him. He took off down the hallways, attempting to disappear in the tunnels before she even realized he had fled.

Feferi was left in a half-step, her smile gone and in shock and confusion she watched the spot where her friend once stood. She looked at the other members of the room, who looked equally confused.

"What the fuck just happened?" Vriska said suddenly.

Kanaya looked towards her, and shrugged, slightly. "Gamzee seems very unwilling to talk about it. Karkat and I inquired when we saw the staples in his face, but he exited before giving us an answer. Then you found him, and it seems as if he will continue to run off if it's brought up."

"I just smiled at him and he looked like I told him I was going to cut off his head," Feferi said, somewhere between sobbing and yelling, her voice cracking. "What did I do? Did I make him angry? Wait… Staples in his face? His hand was covering most of it and when it finally moved I didn't have a chance to see him, really."

Terezi stood up from where she had fallen on the floor after Gamzee had pushed her away. "They go up his cheeks like he's smiling," she said slowly, her fingers tracing her over the corner of her lips and up her cheeks. "I could smell the shine." Feferi gasped. "Did he say anything at all to you, Kanaya?"

"Only that the Empire at large was aware of our presence here, and there is a special military branch for elimination missions such as getting rid of us in silence. He informed us we should move, either on the planet or preferably off it. Then he said he was leaving. He was out the door before we had an opportunity to question him or ask what had happened. Though upon his entry it was our first question."

"He rambled something about being locked up and how we're all going to die when I spoke to him. Fuck, I thought he just finally sank into sopor hallucinations…" Karkat paced frantically, trying to think. "Okay. Clearly he's in need of medical attention, but I don't know how we can keep him still long enough to accept it. Tavros is going to want to know he's back, but I don't think Gamzee will want to see him, and that's not a conversation I'm looking forward to. Okay." He stopped and lightly chewed his finger in thought, careful not to draw blood. "Wait, Equius and Eridan said something about having talked to him a while back. Maybe they can help."


	4. Chapter 4

"Yes, we did indeed receive a Trollian communication from the highblood. Must have been … two months ago now? Well, he seemed emotional, and asked for advice about his dealings with his mentor. I and the seadweller both offered help. Honestly, he seemed confused."

"Yeah, I wwas confused too. He seemed pissed wwhen I didn't respond right off. Get this, his mentor's his own fuckin' bloodlink. Guess the fucker just wwanted to brag."

"He did express distress at excessive roughhousing, but then Gamzee is quite small for his blood colour - possibly his mentor simply didn't realise how _strong_ he was."

"Can you beliewe the nerwe of that guy? His owwn bloodlink's teachin' him and then also wwants to fill a pail wwith him, and he complains about it?"

"No need to be so crude, seadweller. But, uh, yes, that was the gist of it. We told him there was no need to be alarmed. I was quite surprised at Gamzee of all people earning such an honour. I suppose he has had time to overcome his more distressing traits, but still, catching the eye of such a respected troll so soon… I do hope everything worked out well for him."

Silence.

"Wwhy are you lookin' at us like that, Kar?"

"Because I'm hoping that my overflowing rage will ignite your ridiculous levels of stupidity and kill you in a merciful fiery explosion before Gamzee hears about what you just said."

"So the highblood was recovered?"

"You could say that," Karkat mumbled, thinking over everything that had been said. Gamzee's disconnected rambling in the holding cell, his insistence to see outside, the way he reacted to being touched. Everything made a lot more sense with that bit of information. "Both of you are the stupidest trolls I have the misfortune of calling friends."

"Wwhat are you goin on about, Kar? Wwhy are wwe the stupidest trolls you'we come into contact with?"

"I know there is a competition going on for that title, but you've won the douchebag pageant with thinkpan-numbing skill. Maybe I'm wrong, but what exactly did Gamzee say to you? It will hopefully reduce the points you've taken on and I can rescind my statements."

"Well, Gamzee contacted Eridan first, and then myself. He expressed that his conscription had gone well. He ended up getting a placement with a private mentor, who happened to be his bloodlink. He had an affinity for being a little closer than normal, but Gamzee said that most of the time it went well, despite some horseplay that occasionally hurt. I've already expressed that it was probably a misjudgement of _strength."_

"It wwas pretty obwious what his mentor wwanted, so wwe told him to just carry on. Needed his friends to tell him it's okay to hawe those kinds of feelin's." Eridan grinned. "And he didn't get back to us after that, so wwe figured it must be goin' good. Ha, lucky little shit, all my mentor did was tell me to get more sleep."

Karkat was staring at them again, his assumptions becoming a sick and real option that was looking more and more like the truth. If his connection was right he didn't know what Gamzee would do, or what he himself would do.

"Kar, you're being really quiet again."

Karkat took a deep breath. "Did he actually, at any point, use the words 'I want to pail my ancestor'? Or, for that matter, 'my ancestor wants to pail me'?"

"Wwell, no, but it was pretty obwious."

"If he didn't want to, I'm sure he would have said so. He probably just got nervous. Gamzee might have some processing problems from his sopor habit, but he couldn't have missed all the signs."

Karkat stared both of them down. Their other friends started to join in on staring at them in exasperation.

"Right, he couldn't hawe missed it…" Eridan said slowly, starting to fidget where he was standing. "Oh cod, he could hawe, couldn't he?"

Beside him Equius shifted and the group could hear the faintest swallow. "Oh, no."

"You said he sounded emotional. What kind of emotional?" Karkat managed to keep his voice steady. Maybe he was wrong - Gamzee had clearly been hurt, but he clung onto some faint hope that it hadn't been that particular type of harm. The visible wounds were bad enough.

"I-I couldn't really tell. I wwas feelin' pretty bad myself that day and I wwasn't really paying attention, and you knoww his typing's hard to followw anywway. I figured he was bragging. I made some comment to Equ about howw wwe should hawe told him wwhat to do but I wwas sort of joking, I didn't think he wwas really that dumb."

"I thought he seemed nervous, but that would be perfectly normal in an unfamiliar situation."

"Was he definitely, undeniably bragging? This is Gamzee, he may not be able to string a sentence together but he can at least make it clear when he's happy or not. He messages us all when he successfully uses the fucking toaster. If he was pailing someone he liked we'd never hear the end of it."

"No, he didn't say that exactly. However, his bloodlink's actions were obvious flirting. Gamzee seemed… in the middle of debate as to whether or not it was something he wanted to pursue. Which can also be explained easily - it is a new experience for him, as far as I know. As well as the fact that most flirting does go right over his head." Equius cleared his throat. The group was silent, and he felt pressure to continue to explain.

"He said somethin' about that day going wwrong. But it's like Equius said, his bloodlink could hawe misjudged his strength." Eridan shuffled from foot to foot, obviously recounting the conversation in his mind. "I mean, come on, the guy wwas hawin' Gam sit on his lap, howw else could he interpret that?"

"The seadweller even came out right and asked if his bloodlink had made any obvious … gestures."

"I did," Eridan said, as if suddenly remembering it. "I wwent right out wwith it and asked if his bloodlink had touched him."

"What did Gamzee answer with?" Karkat asked slowly. He was getting a good idea how this conversation had gone, and his blood was starting to boil.

"The highblood mentioned that he had touched him. But he was training him to fight so it would have happened anyway." Equius' response slowed over time.

Karkat managed a grim smile. "Then after he talked to you about whether or not he should pail his bloodlink, he didn't message you to say it went well and brag more?" Both Eridan and Equius were looking in his direction, but not really looking at him. Karkat shook his head. "Well?"

"No, he didn't, but wwe assumed…"

"In my particular circumstance, I didn't often have the time to message anyone. We just guessed that it went well. If something bad had happened he would have contacted us, correct?"

Karkat shook his head again, laughing a little. It wasn't funny, but this was ridiculous. Both Equius and Eridan were starting to realize that they obviously didn't know their friend all that well. "Yes, because if he contacted you because he was debating on whether or not to pail his bloodlink, he would only contact you if something went wrong. He wouldn't brag like Gamzee has with every minor or trivial success he has ever had. His message to Sollux was a little braggy, but no one was there to let him carry on." Karkat sighed, his hands curling in frustration.

"But he wwould have said somefin if somefin bad happened, right?"

"Yeah, I guess he would have, if, you know, his bloodlink made it possible. We tried messaging him for weeks and never got a response. Not even a delayed one. The two of you were the last trolls to talk to him. The_ last ones._ He contacted Sollux, then both of you almost a month later. Then he vanished. We thought he was dead, don't you remember? I had to hold out on hope that sending trolls to recover him would turn up with something more than a corpse. What I got wasn't much better, but at least he's usually breathing." Karkat threw his hands up in the air. "Seriously, both of you. I think I need to merge you both with a lusus to have two working brain cells between you. If it went right we all would have been bragged to. We would have had very awkward, detailed, and uncomfortable messages from him. If something bad happened do you think he'd bring it up? Actually, he never spoke again. Not until tonight, when he was ranting at me about how it was his fault I was here. How he'd… Fuck. Fuck, fuck all."

Eridan was gnawing nervously at his lip. Equius' eyes were wide behind his glasses, and his lips moved, mouthing the word "damn"; even now he was hesitant to swear aloud.

"What, exactly, " Karkat growled. "did you tell him to do?" He tried to rein in his anger. He was going to have to be the damage control and fix this, as always, and he couldn't be swan-diving off the handle at this.

"Equ… Oh glub… Equ, wwhat if he didn't realize it? What if he didn't- he wasn't- Oh glub."

"Cease glubbing at me at once, it does nothing to improve this situation and it's more annoying than anything."

"I repeat," Karkat said, his voice measured. "What did you tell him to do? Seriously, would either of you have wanted to pail your mentor- actually, I don't even have to ask that question. Never mind, forget those words even tried to vomit themselves out of my chirpbox. You would have. You wouldn't even have batted an eye at the thought. You would have rejoiced that your mentor noticed either of you like that. My fault, I forgot I wasn't talking to a normal troll here." Eridan flinched at his words and Karkat couldn't find it in him to care too much about it.

"Uh, wwe told him… to… just get on wwith it and do wwhat his mentor told him." Eridan shuffled closer to Equius. "Wwe're going to die, aren't wwe?"

"I knew seadwellers were cowards but this is a new low," Equius murmured under his breath.

Eridan looked over at the taller blueblooded troll and gritted his teeth into a snarl. "At least I wwon't enjoy it," he hissed. Equius drew himself up, moving to face the seadweller.

"Both of you stop it or so fucking help me I'll drag you outside and you can watch the nature that happens during the day," Karkat growled. "Both of you got yourself into this situation, I just needed the information, and honestly I don't know what Gamzee is going to do. I bet he's going to be pissed off, but who knows. He's more unpredictable than usual. The last thing my aching thinkpan needs right now is both of you taking the moronic fight even further by getting into a fight between yourselves. Though it would make my life substantially easier if both of you were to spontaneously just disappear. God, I hate the pair of you. Hands full of bulges and heads full of empty. For the record, if someone contacts you freaked out about closeness, that's not usually a normal reaction if they want to pail someone." Eridan rolled his eyes and Karkat growled at him, his fists balling up at his sides.

"Wwhy wwouldn't he wwant it, though? Howw wwere wwe supposed to know he didn't?"

"Indeed, someone of such prestige being interested in you is quite an honor," Equius chimed in quickly, and fell silent again at the look on Karkat's face.


	5. Chapter 5

The hallway looked pretty abandoned, and it was dark enough that he could curl up on the floor. He'd sleep, and when he woke up he'd head out. There was no point in heading out to the sun, there wasn't any cover close enough that he could avoid the sunlight.

He leaned against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest, holding them close. He sighed, trying to let himself relax and make himself fall asleep, his pulse still pounding, nervous he'd be found. Nervous he'd have to see them all again. He really didn't want to deal with all these bloodpusher seizures again.

He closed his eyes, leaning his head on his knees; the sooner he fell asleep the sooner he'd wake up and could vanish. He willed himself to relax long enough to sleep. Something pressed into his hip, and he tensed, sitting up. It pressed again, in some type of rhythmic motion. He almost yanked himself away, looking down at his side. Squinting, he could make out wings, horns, and the rest of a tiny body. A lusus was nuzzling his side. He moved his hand to the side and touched it softly.

The sound of metal hitting the floor reached Gamzee's ears, and he wondered what it was. Someone wearing steel-toed boots? And what was that other noise - someone shaking a large sheet of paper or something? A voice came after it, and he nearly jumped out of his skin in joy and horror.

"Tinkerbull!"

The lusus at his side lifted its head towards the noise. He was tempted to get up and find another place to hide. A want clinging in his stomach kept him rooted in the spot. The lusus, Tinkerbull, shifted up to its feet and made a noise, calling its charge over.

"Was that you, Tinkerbull?" the voice said, and another noise was made. "Don't fly off like that!" The voice was echoing down the hallway closer to him. The figure rounded the corner further down and then with a click, rattle, and buzzing hum, the lights turned on in the hallway.

Gamzee sat there frozen, looking down the hallway at the figure. Who stood upright, face still round and sweet, but so different. He stayed frozen, looking at Tavros. He looked so different now. Older, more mature, but with childish innocence still in his eyes. He was standing, walking, each step clanging on the ground, and Gamzee understood that he had robotic legs now.

Better even than the legs, Gamzee noticed a caramel-coloured glitter behind Tavros. It took a second to register what it was, and when it did, his eyes widened. Wings. Tavros had always wanted to fly, and it looked like his perennial shitty luck had taken a break during his final pupation. Even if said shitty luck had come to stay with Gamzee, he felt a rush of joy on his friend's behalf. Tavros, dear sweet pitiable Tavros, deserved every scrap of good fortune that came his way. Tinkerbull nuzzled into his hip again, and he scratched the creature's back automatically.

Tavros stiffened, pulling a lance out, holding it at the ready, aimed at the figure sitting on the floor, whose fingers were lazily scratching at his lusus' back. He didn't know any purplebloods that would be there, unless it was Gamzee, but that wasn't his sign.

"Gamzee?" he said softly. His wings fluttered hopefully. If it wasn't, he'd have to get rid of the infiltrator.

Gamzee said nothing, just looking over the brownblooded boy. Looking at the wings, a small smile crossing his features. He took a breath and nodded, not wanting to talk, because even if his voice wasn't slurred he'd rather just let Tavros remember him as he used to be. The smile faded as Tavros approached, his lance once again stored. Gamzee wanted to leave before he got too close, not let him see him or talk to him. Leaving Karkat was hard enough as it was, let alone leaving Tavros, who looked at him, glowing, healthy, and happy.

Tavros' eyes went to the purpleblood's horns. One was broken, but he'd seen their shape before. His eyes lit up and he tried to run forwards, stumbling slightly on his new legs.

"Gamzee, is it really you?"

Gamzee threw his arm up over his own face, hoping he'd concealed his scars in time. Tinkerbull squeaked happily and nuzzled him again, and he irritably pushed the little creature away. He glanced back at Tavros, and felt sick at the contrast. Here was Tavros, happy, healthy, walking - _walking,_ on shiny new mechanical legs - and, of all things, winged. And then here was Gamzee, half-starved, scarred, still stinking of the cell under the smell of river water, wearing a dead troll's clothes - a woman's clothes, to boot. He wanted to laugh; his ancestor must have been amused by that when they'd found the bodies. His little girl was dressing for her part. Not like he'd had much choice since his male opponent's clothes had been ruined with blood, but it still hurt to think about it.

"Gamzee?" Tavros stopped just before running into him. It took him a moment, but he crouched down. "What's wrong? Were the Sufferists, um, mean to you? I'm sorry, some of them don't like, uhh, highbloods very much." Gamzee shook his head, still unwilling to talk. He just kept his face covered. "What's wrong? You know you, uhh, can tell me."

Gamzee swallowed hard, trying to figure out how he would get out of this mess. He seemed to find nothing but trouble today. Tavros' fingers wrapped around his forearm, and he felt the once broken bone grind just slightly. That coupled with the touch made his stomach roll.

"Please," he finally said. He could almost feel Tavros brighten. "Don't touch me."

Tavros drew back. "Uhh, okay. Um … is it the wings? I mean, yeah, they do look kind of funny. Kind of an obvious mutation. That's sort of why I'm here, apart from, uhh, the legs. But that never bothered you, so why …?"

"No, no, it ain't you, I swear."

"Gamzee, I, uhh, can't hear you very well with your hand over your mouth."

Gamzee sighed, unable to contain it any longer. He dropped his head and pulled his hand back. "It isn't you or how you look." His voice was clearer now, but he swore Tavros would connect his slur with his injuries. "I'm glad you up and be getting legs and wings. They look good on you. I just don't want to be touched, okay?" He inched back against the wall. If he stood up and moved fast enough he could find another hallway that was hopefully abandoned and get some sleep. Tavros must have noticed the motion, because his hand twitched towards Gamzee.

"What's wrong? Are you, uh, sick or something?"

Gamzee did laugh at that, once, dully. "Something like that." Sick, yes, if not in the sense Tavros meant. "I kinda want to be left alone. I don't … I don't want you to see me."

"Gamzee." There was that pause in between the syllables of his name that made his heart lift. It left him feeling more miserable; not all of him wanted to push Tavros away. He wanted touch not to make him ill, and just get that comfort he needed two months ago. Now it might just make him vomit, and he didn't want to get him dirty. "What happened?" Tavros said after a pause.

He let out another little laugh. "Conscription, just leave it. Let me be getting my rest and then we can talk, okay?" He didn't like tricking his friend this way, but maybe it would work.

"Are you going to sleep in the hallway? There is a spare 'coon downstairs. It would be a lot more comfortable and you wouldn't have, uhh, nightmares."

Gamzee fidgeted, trying to avoid Tavros moving his head to catch a glimpse of his face. "No, it's all good. I be fine to sleep here, you should go to 'coon though, we'll talk in the dusk. Go get some sleep."

Tavros blinked, then his face settled into a look which Gamzee was sure he imagined was confident. "Gamzee, I, uhh, I'm not going to let you make yourself ill." He reached out and tried to gently take hold of Gamzee's hand, failing as Gamzee pulled it away. "Come on, come and get some proper sleep. For me?" He smiled, sweetly, adorable as ever. Gamzee felt his heart melting. Seeing a real smile after so long felt … he didn't have words for it. Okay, maybe it couldn't hurt just to spend a little time with his old friend before he left. He got up and followed Tavros down the corridor.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, why didn't you reply when I trolled you? Were you really busy? I mean, I didn't want to interrupt anything, but, uhh, I got a bit worried, and Sollux can only let us have so much time on the computer, but I kept checking and, uhh, you never replied."

Gamzee paused for a second, before he resumed walking. "I don't want to talk about it. It's a long story, and I am being too tired to get it all out. Just know I wanted to but was all unable." He could see them for a moment or two, just avoid that conversation as much as possible. Then he could leave when everyone was less suspicious of him just taking off. He felt a weight on his shoulder and knew it was Tinkerbull resting on it to better keep up with their walk.

"Yeah, I guess we can talk about it later. You're here now, so we have time to talk. Uhh, no need to do it all right now. We can get some sleep and worry about it later. If you did want to but couldn't that's okay."

"These caves are all confusing."

"Kanaya thinks they were once, uhh, brooding caverns, a long time ago. So they would be confusing, but you get the, uhh, hang of them after a while." Gamzee nodded, keeping his head down away from the lights. "He seems to like you a lot," Tavros said, a smile present in his voice.

"Yeah, seems he does." It was strange; he didn't seem to know how to keep a conversation going with them anymore, he was too busy making sure one of Tavros' rogue glances didn't see under the shadows or behind the hood. If it was going to be this stressful he would have to leave, he just wanted to relax.

Tavros kept his steps small, still not used to his legs. A silence passed between them as he guided Gamzee down to find the spare cocoon. The faint sound of raised voices could be heard, but they were muffled too much to make out the words. Karkat was probably yelling again, Tavros wondered what someone did this time.

They got close enough to hear the words. Gamzee froze in the doorway as he recognised the voices.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wwhy wwouldn't he wwant it, though? Howw wwere wwe supposed to know he didn't?"

"Indeed, someone of such prestige being interested in you is quite an honor."

Karkat's voice replied. "Yeah, save your talk of honor till you see what else they did to him. I doubt even you could find honor in that."

"Why don't you come and look right now?" Gamzee snarled. The crowd turned to face him. He took a deep breath. Everyone was going to find out, might as well get it over with. He reached up, pushed Tinkerbull off his shoulder, and pulled his hood down.

Some of the onlookers gasped. One screamed. Tavros looked shocked. Vriska looked torn between horror and glee. Eridan whimpered and hid behind Equius, who simply stared for a moment, then spoke.

"Gamzee? What did you do?"

Equius' almost-whispered words seemed loud enough to fill the entire cave system. Gamzee tensed, the words burning into his thinkpan. Not "what happened?" _What did you do?_

"What did I do? What did I do!" His voice slowly raised in volume. "Does this look like something I would just motherfucking do to myself?" Every troll around him backed up, no doubt feeling the rage rolling off of him. Equius looked at him in something akin to surprise.

"Highblood-"

Gamzee growled and advanced, baring the stubs of his fangs. "Don't you dare motherfucking call me that. If I never hear that word again I might get a little motherfucking happy. I asked you a fucking question, does this look like I'd ask for it?" He took a few steps forward so he could reach Equius.

"N-not really," Equius said lamely, backing up slightly and almost tripping over Eridan.

"You wanna know what it was like?" The volume of Gamzee's voice started to slip out of his control, all his focus on keeping himself from simply launching himself at his foes. He took another step forward. "How about I tear your MOTHERFUCKING HORN out of your MOTHERFUCKING SKULL and SHOVE IT up your MOTHERFUCKING SEEDFLAP so you can FIND OUT?"

Tavros blinked, cuddled Tinkerbull, and murmured "Oh, Gamzee…" as realisation hit him. Gamzee didn't notice.

Both Eridan and Equius jumped and proceeded to back up a bit more. Gamzee refused to let them escape this. He could feel his posture lower. Both Equius and Eridan were trying to shrink away from him, but the wall was approaching fast. He would have laughed but he didn't have it in him; instead, a smile found its way onto his lips.

"You wanted," he whispered again, "to serve. THEN I'LL LET YOU SERVE!"

Equius and Eridan ducked around Gamzee and ran for their lives. Gamzee followed them, loping along like a wolf after a pair of rabbits; even after two months in a cell he could keep pace with them, particularly with anger lending him strength. Karkat and Feferi followed him, running flat out, Feferi shouting "Don't kill them! Please don't kill them!", and several other trolls came behind them, either intending to stop Gamzee or not wanting to miss the show. Even now, Equius and Eridan were arguing, their shouts ensuring they were easily tracked.

"Wwhy are you running? I thought you liked pain!"

"I also like being alive to enjoy it! Shut up and run!"

"Look, one punch from him and I'm dowwn, so can't you just distract him or somefin?"

"I refuse to be your meatshield, coward!"

"Wwhy am I the cowward? You're running too!"

"Call it-" A door slammed. "-a strategic withdrawal!"

"Are you scared of me?" Gamzee growled, skidding to a halt, looking at the closet door. Rage built up in him, but something kept him from just shoving it all forward and out of him. His fingers wrapped around the handle. "Tell me, what did you think was going to happen? DID YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO TURN OUT ALL GOOD?" His stubby claws slid down the door. "I asked for advice, I'm just going to MOTHERFUCKING MAKE YOU DO THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING THING."

"Take it as a compliment! Wwe thought you couldn't possibly be stupid enough not to know!"

"Shut up shut up shut up!"

"Are you sure you can hold that door?"

"Of course I can-"

There was an ominous click, and Equius fell backwards as the door opened to reveal Gamzee, grinning horribly. He placed one foot on Equius' unbroken horn, pinning it to the floor, and looked Eridan in the eye.

"This door opens outwards. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT ME BEING STUPID, FUCKER?"

Eridan giggled nervously. "Aww, c'mon, Gam, be fair, wwe wwere in a hurry!"

Equius could have thrown Gamzee off easily, but he remained still, gritted his teeth, and growled "Ampora, I platonically despise you for worsening our fate and I sincerely hope he chokes you with your own babbling tongue!"

"Thanks for the suggestion, BUT IT AIN'T GONNA MOTHERFUCKING SAVE YOU." Gamzee fell on them, and the screaming started in earnest.

Tavros looked on nervously, and stuttered "Uhh, shouldn't we be stopping him?"

Karkat smirked. "Why?"

Gamzee kicked Eridan to the side, watching him crumple and clutch his stomach. His hand wrapped around Equius' throat, and he pressed his foot against Eridan's arm. Keeping him pinned, making sure he didn't lose either of them.

Equius was gasping, his hands fighting to move up to Gamzee's hand around his throat. Gamzee's fingers dug in deeper. If he had claws he would be drawing blood, digging in enough to rip out the blueblood's throat. Eridan struggled under his foot and he pressed down.

"You don't get to run off AND MOTHERFUCKING HIDE," he hissed. "You get to watch and feel all this MOTHERFUCKING HAPPEN." Eridan tried to yank away and shimmy out from his grip. Gamzee growled, shoving Equius down to the floor, and he let go of his rage. He could feel both of them freeze, fears sliding around their heads, and he seeped into their hearts. He took the moment of both of them remaining still to pin Eridan by his horn. He could feel how easy it would be to snap the keratin.

Sporadic and excited energy shuddered over his muscles, and he landed a kick on Equius' stomach. The blueblood gasped, taken out of the stupor of fear. He tried to struggle back, and Gamzee grabbed him by the hair.

"Don't you motherfucking like kneeling? Don't stop now, YOU'RE DOING SO MOTHERFUCKING WELL." He yanked him forward. Equius' balance was shaky at best, and he fell. Right into another hit. "I am going to break THE REST OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TEETH," he hissed, leaning down, pressing his foot harder against Eridan. The violetblood screamed. "And I'm going to break open your horn, AND MAKE YOU SUCK OUT THE INSIDES."

The gathering crowd watched in mixed horror and awe as the strongest troll hatched in centuries took a thorough beating at the hands of an unarmed, half-starved sopor addict. A bronzeblood with broken horns waved her fists and started to shout "Fight! Fight! Fight!" and several others took the chant up. Equius tried to free himself, his reverence for higher blood battling with his desire to live and losing, but he was hampered by his attempts not to cause Gamzee serious harm; he was aware Karkat was watching, and upsetting Karkat in front of the Sufferists would not bode well. Eridan kept up a backdrop of sobs and whimpers of "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!"

Finally Karkat stepped forward and yelled "STOP!"

Gamzee paused in his attempts to throttle Equius with his own hair, faced Karkat, and roared with anger. The crowd backed away, going for their weapons. Few had seen a subjugglator in battle rage before, and Gamzee was deep in wrath, only made more terrifying by his scars and sickly features. Chucklevoodoos blazed, terror flaring in the watchers as the light seemed to flicker and faint ghost images surrounded him; if they'd been in any condition to notice, the watchers may have thought it was odd that the ghostly figures seemed to be trying to hold Gamzee back. The deep roar echoed through the caverns, shaking dust from the ceiling, as the crowd watched the tiny mutant face the storm.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!"

Gamzee raised a hand and swung it, but Karkat ducked under it and rested his own hand on Gamzee's shoulder. Slowly, he raised it, and brought it back down with a pap.

"Shoosh. Shooooosh."

Gamzee froze, unsure whether he wanted to throw Karkat's hand off himself. The gesture was pale, very pale, and that kind of thing was what had got him into this mess, but at the same time he craved the affection. Gamzee growled again, lunging at Karkat, something yanking him back and making him stumble forward enough to miss. Karkat, eyes squeezed closed as if expecting a blow, raised his hand again and slid it along Gamzee's cheek, avoiding the cuts.

"Shoosh," he said again, softly. Rage shook in Gamzee's muscles, trying to avoid being evicted. Another pap and slide along his chest. He shivered; both trolls he wanted to hurt were crawling away. He went to turn and there was another touch along his cheek.

His muscles relaxed against his will, his body shuddered. Rage dissipating slowly, but leaving him in the cold. Calmed under pale affection, his rage bubbled but another well timed shoosh stopped him from doing more than just letting out a little honk. Another pap and he went slack, the room making more sense to the onlookers. No longer clouded in darkness and fear.

"Gamzee?" Karkat tried. The purpleblood, partially leaning against him, let out a little honk. "Are you done?" Another little honk. A teal-blooded onlooker stepped forward. "Don't you even fucking start," Karkat told him, and he backed off.

Karkat helped Gamzee to the floor. It was overwhelming, the need to get him calm and keep him that way, despite Karkat's mind being fogged by the fear attack Gamzee had managed earlier. The purpleblooded troll was like an overgrown doll, going slack and just letting himself be moved. Karkat looked over to Equius and Eridan, who were still in the tiny storage room they had tried to lock themselves in, both of them pressed against the far wall and nursing wounds.

"Look, Gamzee, I appreciate you're mad at them, but if you hurt them any more, you risk killing them. Our medical team is surprisingly good, but our supplies are utter shit, so we might not be able to do anything if you hurt them too badly. I admit I think this whole thing about universal peace and love is hoofbeastshit, but I agree with Me Mark One on one thing, and that is that I will have no killing here. We left conscription to escape death, I'm not having it follow us!" Karkat scowled in the direction of the two wounded trolls, and added "Besides, if you kill them now you can't beat them up again later."

"Hey, that wwas uncalled for!" Eridan protested.

Karkat whirled on him and hissed, softly enough for the crowd not to catch the words, "Shut up, you treacherous bucketslut! Next time, pail your own fucking mentor. Vriska told me you already did everyone else on your ship! Is that the only way you could convince them not to cull you for being the most annoying thing that ever lived?" He whirled on Equius. "And you, you might happily cut your own head off if someone ordered you to, but maybe instead you should try using the fucking thing!" Karkat sighed and looked at the two with contempt, resuming a normal speaking tone. "And, for the record, if you piss Gamzee off or hurt him in any way again and make this worse, I'm taking the shuttle and personally handing you over to Her Imperious Bitchness with shiny Twelfth Perigee's Eve bows on your horns."

"Howw wwere wwe supposed to knoww?" Eridan muttered. "It's not our fault he didn't realize wwhat was going to happen."

Equius made a nudging gesture in Eridan's direction, careful not to actually connect for risk of injuring him. "Ampora, remember I told you to shut up?"

"Equ, I'm serious, howw wwere wwe supposed to knoww?" Gamzee growled against Karkat's shoulder. The smaller troll patted his back to make sure that the growl didn't turn into another fight.

"Listen, everyone, we are going to go to sleep. Then we are going to wake up and not let there be another fight, do you understand?" There was a murmur from the watching crowd. "I asked if everyone understood," Karkat growled. The crowd thinned out. The onlookers were soon gone, leaving the few trolls who Karkat mostly considered friends.

Equius looked up at Terezi, hoping a fellow blue-blood, even a teal, would understand. From the way she frowned, he guessed quickly that he was wrong.

"Equius, we need to find Nepeta and Aradia and tell them what happened - everything, not just the fight - and we need to tell them right now." She reached out and offered a hand, mostly a symbolic gesture as she wasn't strong enough to actually pull him up. "I think it's better they hear it from you rather than just picking up rumours, and I'd better be there when you tell Aradia. Come on, I think they're feeding their lusii at the moment."

Equius hauled himself to his feet and followed Terezi, leaving Eridan alone. Feferi stood over the other sea-troll, an expression of shocked disapproval on her face.

"Fef!" he said hopefully. "I'm so glad to see-"

She grabbed him by the shoulders, pulled him upright, and punched him in the gut hard enough to knock him down again. Eridan collapsed, gasping and clutching his body, tears rising in his eyes. He looked back up at her.

"So wwhat, wwe're flippin' back to black this wweek?"

"Eridan." Feferi shook her head, backing away. "You're insufferable, I don't want to see you."

"Fef. I- but Fef. Wwait." Eridan tried to scramble up to his feet to follow the quickly-leaving Heiress. He managed to stumble after her fast enough to catch her. "Fef?" He wrapped his hand around her wrist.

"Go away, just go away." She yanked her hand away, turning to leave. Eridan stood there, his hand still where she had shaken it off.


	7. Chapter 7

News of Karkat's taming of the subjugglator spread throughout the caverns like wildfire, and by the time they got back to the dining hall, they could already hear some younger trolls trying to compose a song about it. It seemed to have confirmed their belief that Karkat was their messiah, much to the annoyance of the troll in question. Gamzee noticed several marks painted on the walls; Karkat's own symbol, painted in vivid red. Something about the shape was horribly familiar, but he tried to push the thought away.

"So what the hell is going on here?" he finally asked, eyes flicking from one painted symbol to another, not looking at Karkat or Tavros, as he sat on the bench and drank the soup they had fetched for him. It was bland and watery, and his lack of proper teeth meant he had to pick the few chunks of unidentifiable meat and vegetation apart with his fingertips. It was the best thing he had ever eaten in his life. Tears came to his eyes and he had to force himself to eat at a normal rate; it would be a cruel irony if he choked on the first food he'd eaten as a free troll, food that he hadn't had to bargain for.

"Um." Karkat looked uncomfortable. "This is a bit of an awkward revelation, but have you had a good look at my eyes recently?"

"Uh, is now really the time for that?"

"That wasn't a solicitation. I mean it, take a look."

Gamzee looked up from his bowl and over to his friend, looking at his eyes as requested. It would have been a lot easier if Karkat wasn't looking down at the table like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Still, he caught the color flashing under his lashes. Karkat looked like he was debating with himself, and eventually he lifted his chin to look into Gamzee's eyes.

"I'll be a motherfucking cluckbeast dancing headless." Gamzee tried not to smile. Or do anything that might make his best friend, now moirail, upset. "So that's why you stopped doing webcam chats after you pupated. You're a mutant."

Karkat sighed, dropping his head into his palm. "Yes, yes I am. Thank you for stating the obvious."

"Do you think I be having a problem with it, my hot-blooded best friend? Do I look like I give any motherfucks about the hemocaste anymore, or did I ever be giving it my time of night? Is that why these people all want to be following you?"

Karkat nodded. "Yeah, my ancestor was apparently some weird preacher, he was all about how peace, love, and understanding will change the world. Told Alternia it didn't have to be violent. Of course that didn't sit well with the higherbloods."

"Don't suspect it would."

"He was executed, but his teachings lived on. The cult's existed since his execution, but in secret, hidden away. They found us as we were trying to find a place to hide out to help train Feferi for her big defeat-the-Empress battle. Found out I was the second coming of 'His Great Suffering'. But they think I'm a little too mean, and I put too much into the hemocaste." Karkat sighed. "I think they just want to reverse it and subject the higher castes to the pain of the lower ones. But they are trying to help us and they are backing Feferi's fight for the throne. Though it's really begrudgingly and I think they hope she loses so we can go to war."

"You don't want to be up and fucking with the Empress. Just trust me on that. She would plow through all of them quick, she got too much backing her," Gamzee mumbled. "But if it is Feferi who be fighting her, she might go with most of the tradition especially if it is all up and public. She would have to keep up appearances."

Karkat looked at Gamzee's scarred fingertips, and swallowed hard. "Uh. I guess you don't want to talk about it, and even if you did I don't think I'd know what to say, but … fuck, Gamzee, I am so _sorry."_ His voice choked slightly and he blinked; Gamzee guessed it was a habit of Karkat's to force away tears, to conceal his pigmentation, and felt another stab of pity. "If I'd had any idea I'd have got you out sooner, I swear."

"I don't reckon you could have. I was… I was locked up, it was just luck I got out the same time as your crew showed up." Gamzee's lip twitched. "Maybe it was a miracle."

Karkat smiled weakly in response. "Maybe. Okay, I don't even know where to begin helping you, but if I can, tell me how. And if I ever meet your ancestor, I swear I will rip his bulge out with my fucking teeth and nail it to his forehead."

Gamzee's own faint smile disappeared entirely, and he shifted awkwardly. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you help me?" Gamzee twisted his fingers together awkwardly, not able to say what he was actually thinking; he wasn't worthy of help. A used and broken moirail-bastard didn't deserve a moirail of his own.

"Why wouldn't I help you? You're my friend… Well, I guess it's more now, but you're my friend at the very least. And despite that being a really insensitive fucking question, I am going to ignore it and cut you some slack and not shout your ear off."

"I'll be honored that you be cutting me any kinds of slack - that ain't something common from you, Karkat." Gamzee tried to give him a little smile again, his face still not exactly working like it once had.

"Is there any way I can help you?"

"Make sure you don't get caught. If I get all caught up in their claws again, it'll be okay. I mean I might up and die, but that's okay too. More than likely I'd be put through hell. But I can't be letting anything like that be happening to all of you." Karkat was staring at him, and he could almost watch how much his words disturbed the smaller troll. "If it all comes to pass that they be catching up to us, and they will, I all humiliated them by escaping, plus all you were slumming around his ship and didn't get caught. They'll come after their pride."

"They'll?" Karkat raised an eyebrow, his fingers knitted just so he wouldn't clench them. "There was more than one?"

Gamzee swallowed nervously; he didn't think his warning would get him caught like this. He nodded slowly, spinning the bowl in his fingers trying to avoid this awkward line of questioning.

"How many?" Karkat asked slowly, his words said through clenched teeth.

"Two," Gamzee said softly. "That's how I know everything, because the both of them all talked about things around me." Gamzee's words were coming faster. He could feel himself getting warm, panic starting in his stomach and spreading out to the rest of him. "Never about you, my ancestor knew about you all but he said he'd keep it secret long as I was good. But I up and left, so she's gonna know now. I guess it's good I know that, right? Because I can make sure they don't-"

"Gamzee, shhh," Karkat said, resting his hand on the table between them. A mock way to touch him without actually doing it. "It's okay, you don't have to say more than you want. You're not required to say anything here."

Gamzee nodded and took a moment to focus on his breathing, counting up and down to and from ten. He needed to get these panic attacks under control, or he was going to just be walking and one was going to hit him and he'd never recover. Hie eyes flashed around the room and the red painted sigil on the wall made his bloodpusher pound. "Karkat, I know that's your sign, but why is it all your sign? Was it your ancestor's?" Gamzee asked suddenly.

"My ancestor didn't have a sign. Mutants don't usually get them," Karkat said, frowning. "That symbol was taken by the Sufferists after his death. It…" He sighed. "It's the shape of the shackles which held him at his execution. From what I hear his posthumous title is pretty damn accurate."

Gamzee's eyes widened and his breathing sped up again, his eyes going to the abrasion scars on his wrists. Karkat followed his gaze, and mouthed "oh shit". He looked up.

"They- they used the same kind of-" He thought back, as much as it pained him to the words they spoke. He found himself blocking everything else out but the conversation. Still the thought of their voices alone made a cold shudder pass over his skin.

"They used the same kind of… What?" Karkat said, his eyebrow raised slightly. "The same kind of shackles?"

Gamzee nodded. "Wait, no. They said something about… 'reclaimed'… Shit. I think they might have… might have been the exact same fucking set."

Karkat stared for a moment and then looked over to the sign painted on the wall, then back to Gamzee. There was no practical way the would be the same unless Gamzee's ancestor had some serious connections. He would have had to have been young, during the Sufferer's lifetime. They didn't know the exact date, but it was forever and a day ago. Purplebloods lived a long time, but not usually that long, even if their lives were usually only cut short because of their violent lifestyle.

"Are you sure, Gamzee?"

"Not a hundred percent, but I up and couldn't forget them. They were weird on the inside. they were irritating enough I could ignore some of what was going on. Until it got all painful, then they were something to focus on. I never got a really good look at them, I was pretty out of it by the time I could really move my neck. But I thought they were strange when I kind of saw them. They were shaped similar, my ancestor said something about them being a trophy…" Gamzee grimaced at how terrible those words sounded.

He heard Tavros sniffle. He'd almost forgotten he was there, as he'd remained silent through the conversation, sitting and clutching Tinkerbull like a lifeline. Tears were starting to trickle down his face, and he looked at Gamzee with an expression which suggested he desperately wanted to do something, anything, to help.

Gamzee looked over at him and almost went to raise a hand to touch him. He lost his nerve to sickness before he could do it. "It's okay, bro," he said softly. "At least I'm here now." He could almost watch Tavros' lower lip shake before he pushed it between his teeth. He swallowed, trying to stem his tears. Tavros shifted Tinkerbull in his arms, before he offered him over to Gamzee. The tiny bull squeaked and jumped on Gamzee's shoulder.

"He must have known you needed comfort. Lusii, they, uhh, tend to know." The bull moved off his shoulder and towards his lap. "If I can't comfort you, at least he can," Tavros added quietly. Gamzee let himself smile a little, moving his hands to pet Tinkerbull's neck.

A cackle nearly as obnoxious as Terezi's nearly made the trio jump out of their skins. It turned out to belong to the broken-horned bronzeblood, a girl of about six sweeps, who jumped up onto the bench beside Karkat, grinning.

"I saw what you did back there! That was _so fucking cool!"_ she squealed. She looked at Gamzee and mock-growled, waving her hand like a cat batting at a mouse. "And I don't usually say that about shit that ended without bloodshed, ya know!"

"Go away, Medine," Karkat growled. She ignored him. Gamzee raised an eyebrow at the girl, who was still waving her hand on occasion. Not close enough to be a threat, but obviously it was supposed to imply one. She was still crouching on the bench, but now leaning closer to Karkat.

"That was awesome. You might not be as peaceful as 'His Suffering', but you got his skills. Managing to face and calm the Grand Highblood's spawn without even breaking a sweat. Anyone who doubted before is going to believe now. I get to live in such a perfect time here. I wasn't stuck when it was just hiding from the empire." She laughed. "You know, I thought the whole Sufferer thing was kind of stupid, I was just hanging out here to be with my moirail, but I dunno, you've got me thinking there's something to it. The old crew's all here now, we've got a Summoner, a Disciple, a Darkleer, a Dolorosa, a Psiioniic, even a Redglare, so I guess a Highblood was gonna show up - I was kinda hoping for an epic strife when he did, but this is cool too…"

Karkat looked over to Medine, a question in his eyes, before shifting his view to look over to Gamzee then back to her. "Repeat to me what you just said." Gamzee shifted uncomfortably. Tinkerbull, noticing the disturbance, began to nuzzle against his hand.

"What, you didn't know about your bloodlink?" Medine said, looking at Gamzee and wrinkling her nose. "Some of the guys didn't believe me because you're not wearing the right sign, but I heard what Lereal said about how you're his descendant and you look like the pictures of him…" She saw his expression change, but instead of backing away, she tensed into a fighting position. "Oh, cool, now you wanna strife me? Awesome, Jerric is never gonna believe me! C'mon, I snapped off my own fucking horns and stabbed a violetblood's eyes out, you think you can take me? Aww yeah!"

"Hey, kid, if I wanted to up and fight you I wouldn't be giving you any type of warning. You'd just be attacked, and you ain't got the horns to do that again. Plus I don't think I'd be feeling it if my eyes all left me. Not too sure if I can up and be in pain anymore. For the record, I know about my own motherfucking ancestor, believe you me. Anyway, that ain't what I wanted you to repeat. I was more wondering how long all you been motherfucking hiding out. Not just the trolls I got my acquaintance with. I want to know how long he's been knowing about you. He up and knew there was a rebel group. That'll depend on how long until the fleet up and comes."

"Cult's been here since the Sufferer… Suffered. They chose this location as time went on because of all the scripture they found on the walls." Medine shrugged. "Never been too into it, you'd have to talk to someone who puts stock in the whole Sufferer thing." Karkat was still staring dumbfounded between the both of them.

"Uhh, maybe you should leave?" Tavros said to the girl, who scowled.

"Fine, fine. Sheesh, Vantas, why'd you have to suck all the fight out of him before I could have a go? Ah, I should go feed Ratmom anyway." She hopped off the bench, turned on her heel, and scurried off.

Gamzee shook his head, bringing one hand up to his forehead. "That girl better check herself. If the fleet comes and she tries my ancestor in combat she's gonna turn into bonemeal, or worse a skeleton. Hope her moirail keeps her from being dumb enough to try." He tried to ignore both Karkat and Tavros, who were looking at him. As if to mimic his charge, Tinkerbull's eyes fixed on him too.

"Gamzee," Karkat said softly. "Gamzee…" He tried again, his voice a little louder.

"Yeah?" He looked over at Karkat. "Sorry if I didn't want to mention it. Ain't in me to really like hearing that name, or my own sign name for that matter. I was hoping to up and leave it until it rotted away."

"You could have mentioned it."

"Someone had to be mentioning it to you before you set off to go get me. The Makara name was the only reason I got any type of far when I was escaping. Couldn't have been unknown in a rebel group."

"I don't know, I always just thought of him as the 'Grand Highblood' if I thought of him at all. Or 'that fucking mountain of purple'. I guess I must have heard his name somewhere but it didn't connect …" Karkat ran a hand through his hair, nervously. "Shit, shit, shit. He was the one-"

"Yeah." Gamzee said softly. "Do me a favor never refer to him again as 'that fucking mountain of purple' again." He tried to crack a smile, even if it was a little forced.

"Can do…" Karkat was rotating between shaking his head, licking his lips, and fidgeting with his hands. Gamzee knew from experience that meant he had something he wanted to say but didn't know if he should.

"Just ask." Gamzee said rolling his eyes slightly. It was going to come out he might as well have it sooner rather than later.

"Who was the other one? Another purple blood?"

"No. Though that would have been spectacular," Gamzee paused, taking a deep breath. "Better than the em— ty— one it was." He couldn't even bring himself to say that. "Just know she was a sadistic bitch and I would rather talk about my ancestor than her. That ain't saying much, I'd rather not talk about either of them. I platonically hate her more than anything in the whole fucking universe."

"Shit. Oh God, did I actually say I was going to rip out the Grand Highblood's-"

"Yes."

Karkat leaned on the table, looking shaken. "Please tell me only you two heard that. I don't want my crazier followers to take it for a prophecy."

"I think we were the, uhh, only ones who did Karkat. But I don't think they'd think that was a prophecy. More a, uhh, to-do list. Which I don't want them to, uhh, think either."

Karkat groaned and sagged onto the table. "This is when I wished prayers worked or were a thing."

"I can all pray that no one heard you say that, but I don't think the spirits would be too pleased with your thoughts on messing up their prophet. So, maybe it's better if I don't," Gamzee said with a shrug.

"I don't need anything else working against me, so that might be for the best." Karkat pulled himself up from the table, trying to reclaim a somewhat composed manner. "So, the Grand Highblood knows where we are."

"Yeah, he does. Don't know how, I was trying to see how he was all being in the knowing. Did any of you message me saying you had found the cult?"

"I don't honestly know, I didn't mention it. I just said we were okay, and wanted to let you know that my promise still stood. I didn't get specific. For all I know someone else mentioned it. Tavros, you didn't, right?"

"No, I more just wanted to talk. Just said we were, uhh, all okay. I mentioned when we got, uhh, the other two back. Though I only said that, uhh, they were with us now. You told us all to be discreet."

"Trust me there could have been knowing without any of you. He is pretty connected to everything that happens in the empire. I would say he's always watching, but that's just me being paranoid. But I know he'll up and come, ain't nothing to hold him back no more. He said he'd keep you all secret for me. I ain't there no more, so he'll come." Despite Gamzee claiming it was paranoia, the hand connected to his branded forearm balled into a fist. He feared that his mark was a tracking beacon. It wouldn't be the first time something mythical happened around him. This one just wasn't in his favor. "We've all gotta get out of here."

"What?" Karkat blinked. "All of us? Yeah, because a couple hundred trolls suddenly packing up and travelling cross-country is totally inconspicuous-"

"We've gotta do something!" Gamzee thumped the table. "We can't stay here, we'll be found." He glanced around at the other trolls in the room. Most of them were young; wrigglers, conscription-age, a few lucky adults who'd survived there without being found. Many were crippled or infirm, those being the ones with most reason to flee the Empire. "I'm _not_ gonna sit here and hand a bunch of wrigglers over to him."

* * *

_A/N: Medine and Jerric are on loan from the lovely av-marten, a.k.a. pitviperofdoom. Thanks for letting us use your fantrolls!_


	8. Chapter 8

Karkat decided it was too early in the evening to be having this debate. He had only woken up thirty minutes ago after the most terrible and interesting dawn of his life. Lereal was nearly shouting, which usually was an accomplishment. This evening it was just obnoxious.

"I don't care if he has documents saying they know. There is no way they can, unless one of your friends said, or he let it slip. It would be just like a subjugglator to say something to their cult."

"News flash, we're a cult too. And I don't think Gamzee was in any condition to tell the.. him anything."

"No, you're right. I don't think he did, he was too busy-" Lereal's voice wasn't soft enough to be a whisper.

"Watch," Karkat growled, "your next words carefully."

"Listen, Lereal," Vriska chimed in. "As much as I would love to ambush the Empire, I'm pretty sure Gamzee knows more than we do."

"Mr Grape Faygo wouldn't steer us wrong. Not with things like this."

"He would, if his loyalties were to his ancestor."

"I don't…" Tavros started. "His loyalties aren't to his ancestor any more than Feferi's are to hers," he said, his voice stronger.

Lereal sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I understand you're afraid, but-"

"Damn right we are, we'd have to be stupid not to be!" Karkat snarled. "In case you hadn't noticed, most of the cult is made up of kids and cripples, and not even all that many of them. I don't see how we can take on an entire Empire's worth of adult trolls."

"Trained adult trollth, not juth any old adult trollth either. All of them are highly trained, we're lucky we've managed to get any type of training in between all the other work we have to do. There are just enough handth that thtuff getth done but not enough to truly have a thtanding army."

"They will come here, and tear Alternia apart, and the killing won't stop at us. Once they're here they'll go hive to hive, checking signs and allegiances." Karkat paused long enough for breath. "They attack here and every young troll and wriggler on this planet in in danger of being forced through not only a inquisition, but blood checks, fear enough to turn in their friends, being killed for simply being a little afraid of the adult trolls."

"They would not attack Alternia," Lereal scoffed. "Not even to snuff out a small rebellion that isn't really doing much right now. They have no reason to go after us, other than your friends." The way he said the word "friends" was biting and disgusted.

"They are painting uth as proactive, thaying we kill indithcriminately, we are being painted as the worth of two evilth," Sollux protested. "Change is thcary enough for trolls, at leatht they know what they get with the Empreth. Feferi ith a wild card. They're telling every troll in the empire that we are making there be a food thortage, not to mention all the other problemth they'll invent."

"No, a rebel group under the Heiress is doing that."

"Are you saying…" Karkat slammed his hands down on the table, "… that I throw Feferi under a stampede to protect this long enough we can come up with a frontal attack?!"

"No, I'm saying we can cut our dead weight and give them empire something to blame. It would be enough of a trade."

"Right now the only hope this failure of a rebellion has is Feferi. A once in 400 sweep chance at actually causing some changes through thoughtfully applied violence. A true chance at something resembling peace for everyone."

"You're young, and I respect that you're scared. I also understand you want to protect your friends. However, some sacrifices must be made."

"Do you know," Gamzee said slowly, "if you hand Feferi over, they're still going to go after the rest of you?"

"Then we can hand you over too." Lereal's eyes narrowed. "They have no reason, other than the both of you, to pursue us."

"No, they got plenty of reasons. I can probably tell you all of them. But even if you handed me and Feferi over to them, they'd still be looking for all of you. You need to move, off planet if possible. Staying here is suicide."

"He's right," said Aradia, looking at Gamzee, or at least he thought for a moment she was looking at him. Her glassy red eyes were actually fixed on a point behind him. He didn't think too much of it; he was distracted by the argument, and his spooky sis had been weird even before she got her robot parts anyway.

"What better time will there ever be to make our move?" Lereal was saying. "The descendants of the Sufferer himself and all his greatest followers are with us! What could be a better omen?"

"The subjugglator ship being struck by a comet might help!" Terezi butted in.

"Yeah," said Vriska. "I mean, nobody is keener for a fight than me, but I have to admit I don't think this will work. I wasn't on the crew that recovered Gamzee, but recovering Equius was difficult. They're fully ready to take anything down."

"We're not boarding their ships, that was the major risk. We are going to meet them in space, our ships against theirs."

"Wwhat, all thirty of them wersus the thousands of the Empire? Those aren't good odds, they aren't even decent."

"They can't mobilize them all at once, we'll catch them off guard. We fly in as stealthily as possible, send scout ships beforehand, then when we are close enough we focus on damaging the ships' undersides. Most of them have their main systems in the belly of their ship. We destroy those and we've won."

"I don't sanction this attack," Karkat said. "If you want to go and get killed, by all means - I'm not one to stand in the way of another troll wanting to off themselves. But if you're the only one going, this is the most illogical plan in the universe and that's saying something."

"If you go," Aradia said softly, her words broken up strangely, "all those you take will die. If your ships are not destroyed you will be forced to deal with a subjugglator interrogation. The Sufferer could not even dream of saving you in the Tents."

"Are all of you in the camp that we will fail? We have ships, surprise, and the best omens in sweeps. There is no need to be pessimistic! This attack could be the turning-point for peace."

"At what cost? How many lives are you going to sacrifice for this mission?"

"As many as necessary to save billions more!" Lereal shouted.

Karkat took a step back. "Okay, you're fucking insane."

"And you are all a disgrace to your ancestor's memories, you cowards, every one of you."

Karkat threw up his hands. "Fine, you know what? Take whoever you can get to agree to go on this mission. Go. I'm staying here, I don't have any intention of getting myself killed fruitlessly. I know our best bet, I know what has the most chance to win. We're at even more of an advantage now then we were three nights ago. If they want to go on the suicide mission let them. Just before all of you leave Alternia, I'm going to tell them my thoughts."

"We are tired of hiding away, it is time the universe knows peace."

"Through a frontal assault," Terezi said, shaking her head.

"The Summoner rebelled in a similar fashion."

"And the Summoner ended up dead." Karkat was shaking his head as well.

"His horns sawn off," Aradia said softly. "After dinner." Karkat turned to look at her, but quickly looked back at Lereal.

"This time it will work. I wouldn't ask you be on the ships anyway. We need you ready to come once our attack is finished. We don't want to put you in any unnecessary risk. Are any of you," Lereal paused long enough to look around the room at the twelve gathered trolls, "going to come?"

Their stony stares were all the answer he needed. He sighed, stalked towards the door, and yanked it open, revealing two wide-eyed maroonbloods. "I told you not to eavesdrop. But never mind - go tell everyone to prepare for an attack. The time is upon us! We strike now!" He curled his index fingers inwards to rest on his thumbs, pressed the tips of his thumbs together, and extended his middle fingers, forming an approximation of the Vantas symbol. "Let them suffer!"


	9. Chapter 9

They had done all they could. The ships had just taken off from where they had been hidden. Only the twelve of them were left, walking in the caves in a dark silence. They were going to listen to the attack's broadcast. Not on the off-chance that the cultists might actually take the Empire down; instead, for how close the Fleet actually was to eliminating the "threat", also known as right where they were.

Sollux was guiding them down to the monitoring room. No one wanted to say anything. Trolls weren't known for their attachment to other trolls, but sending upwards of two hundred and fifty trolls to their death wasn't a matter of attachment. It was trying to prevent unnecessary stupidity.

Sollux was looking very ill. Nobody asked why. They already knew the voices of the soon-to-die must have been coming at him worse than ever. Feferi clutched his hand as they walked. Gamzee tried to control his breathing. This was his fault. Why had he tried to escape, why had he stayed? It was his presence which had meant Karkat had to calm him, spreading the story drew attention to them again and put that stupid idea in Lereal's head …

The monitoring room was cramped with all of them inside of it. Sollux sat down, pressing one hand to his temple. He clicked a few buttons, and managed to get the signal in from the right frequency. He groaned, as the signal was muddy, static, and he'd have to fix it. His head was throbbing, and he really didn't have the patience for it. He shook his head and moved to turn the knobs, the voices flaring in his head. Screaming at him to help, to stop, to prevent it. He knew even if he got the frequency exact and sent a message over none of them would stop. He fiddled with the knob until the signal came in with less static.

"Thith ith ath good ath it'th going to get. I don't have the patience to do much more." His friends nodded; at least they weren't giving him shit about it, if they did he was going to have to force them to beat themselves up with his psionics.

Lereal's voice came over the speakers, making sure everyone was in position, calculating a timeframe for arrival, and making sure all of them were charging up their weapons. Sollux groaned and leaned forward onto the desk, barely able to hear the talk over the voices. Feferi's hand curled around his shoulder and gripped. It wasn't much, but at least he knew that when the soon-to-be-dead became just-the-dead, he could get a head massage.

"Okay, do we have an escape plan for if- I mean when this goes south?" Karkat said, doing a rapid headcount just in case they'd somehow lost someone in the tunnels.

"We do," Vriska said, nodding. "Not a great one, but better than nothing."

"Should I even ask?"

"There is one ship left. It's an old tugship, we'll leave with the remaining supplies and head out somewhere. There is a debate going on between a few of us, mostly me and Sollux, about which planet would be best." Vriska rarely sounded as serious as she did now. "The ship isn't much, but it should be usable. Hopefully we have enough food and water. There isn't enough room for any extra problems, and there is a chance we might not have enough."

"How long can a troll go without food or water?" Karkat asked.

"Depends on the blood," Nepeta said softly. "Water is about two weeks. Food ranges from one month to eight."

"Alright. So we can only be short two weeks of water and one month of food. We can manage that, even if we have to gather more quickly."

"Check-in," Lereal's voice echoed around the room. "ETA five hundred; everyone ready to launch an attack?"

"The fleet is that close?" Terezi said leaning forward. "They'll be there by tonight. I wonder if that's the main group or the outer ships."

"How long until they're here?"

"They could be here tonight, but more than likely they aren't totally mobilized. They usually only do that when they're about an hour off."

"How long do we actually have for our back-up plan?" Karkat could feel his heart starting to pound in his chest.

"I'd say," Eridan's voice was small. "About three days to a wweek. Right?"

"I'm pretty sure that's how long it would take." Equius chimed in as well. "The bigger ships take longer. I assume there will be bigger ships."

"There will be," Gamzee said, ignoring his anger at the both of them for the present problem. "They ain't going to be missing out. So, I think you're right, a few days at least. There going to debate on who and what teams they're going to send."

"How much of a head start can we get? It won't be much use if we only get ready to leave with seconds to spare."

"Wwe already packed some stuff into the ship," Eridan said. "Not full to bursting, but if wwe hawe to go sooner than wwe thought, wwe can."

"And if all else fails…" Terezi pulled a pill bottle out of her sylladex. "These'll make sure it's quick and painless."

"We have some time." Karkat swallowed nervously. "Should we pack up more in the time between? We know this isn't going to work, so maybe we should be prepared for a swift escape. I don't really want to take death pills."

"You ain't the only one, brother. I don't really want to stick around listening to them try to gloat, I'd be better put to moving supplies."

"They should make fleetfall just before dawn. One or two of us could stay down here and call the others - don't we have the hand-communicators?"

"Every second they're out there tells us how far the first wave is from us… It might be better if we just rush instead of someone mishearing it."

"There are enough supplies to make it to either of the target planets suggested. As long as we ration them appropriately and maintain the course at a normal ship's pace."

"We know the tugship works. We just don't know how fast it goes. It could be as fast as a normal ship or it could be slower. It's a relic."

"Alright, leader's order; if we have enough then we all stay down here and listen. We calculate, if they are too close then we book it out of here, captchaloguing as we go. If it's a week, we hustle out of here as the sun is coming up. It's risky, but a week lead isn't much of one. Those aren't good odds, they get even smaller as the number of days shrink. We need as much time as we can get. Does everyone understand?"

The others nodded, and a deadly silence spread over the room. The only sound was the static, and low mumbles of ships working far from them, somewhere near the approaching fleet. Every troll in the room could feel the tension; they knew this would fail, but all of them held out hope at least some of the cult would realize this was suicide.

"We've got drone fighters at twenty degrees toward Telleron. Take them out," one of the ships leaders said. Then there was the sound of cannon fire.

Sollux gasped and clutched his head again as a brief scream and an explosion sounded. "Okay, that'th one of ourth down," he said through gritted teeth. Aradia and Feferi shifted closer to him.

"Check in." Lereal's voice appeared after the cannon fire ceased. Only one ship lost to the drone fighters. But that meant that the fleet was now aware of their presence. The room was tense as time wore on, occasional conversation over the communicator did nothing to resolve it. They seemed cocksure that their success over a few drone fighters predicted the battle.

"The fleet's just deployed something."

"Any more details?"

"No, it was moving fast. Only one thing, not ships yet."

"Keep us posted."

"More are deploying, different things, they are larger than the firs—" There was a gasp and the start of a scream before the line was cut. Sollux groaned, clutching his temples.

"Hello? Deritt, check in. Deritt!" The line stayed silent.

"They alwayth get tho much louder right before." Sollux's voice was strained, the heels of his palms pressing harder into his temples.

"Shit, four of our ships are down," a panicked voice said over the com. "Gone. More are being deployed."

"How many?"

"Too many." The voice was shaking, and over the distortion Karkat couldn't place it. "I can't count. None of us can. The—" The speakers vibrated as some noise whipped through the ship. There was a sound of rushing, and machinery cracking, splintering, breaking.

"Those of you who can, send your ships up to overdrive, go up and back them up."

There was a chiming of affirmation from a series of ships. before the line went quiet waiting for any type of news about how many and hearing any of the enemy ships going down. Silence was just as sickening as the sounds of death. Every ship could be destroyed and they wouldn't fully know. Not if Lereal was staying back. He could not tell them until he arrived on Alternia then they'd have to fight the whole fleet here.

Karkat was half tempted to pick up the transmitter and start asking for a report. He didn't want to distract them, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know how many ships were left. Another communicator clicked on, then off. Then on again.

"They're rapidly approaching, there's too many of them-" That voice went silent and Sollux's head bobbed, gritting his teeth from the pain. There was silence, and then coms started clicking in to report.

More explosions. More screams.

Static.

"Someone help! We've been boarded, I think everyone's dead, someone help me-" Screaming, the sound of breaking bones.

More static.

"-mutiny, Faraoh!"

"I don't care, we're getting out! Vesper, take the controls."

"You suck, Jerric, I wanted to stay and fight!"

"You'll thank me later-"

Static.

"Well, that ship'th going to make it a while," Sollux said, looking drained. "I can't hear them. Or I might jutht be mithing them with all the otherth …"

"In what world did they think two-hundred-fifty trolls could go against the Empire?" Karkat mumbled as another com turned on long enough to be cut off.

"More drones?"

"Not if they're being boarded" Equius said shifting forward from his position against the wall. "That response was quick… Too quick."

"Did we have someone reporting back? A traitor in our midst?"

"Perhaps, or they were expecting a frontal attack."

"The fleet is always expecting an attack," Eridan said. "But you're right, that wwas quick."

"Which branch?" Gamzee said suddenly. "Who is boarding? That'll tell us their response times."

"Unless you can talk to the dead, I don't think we can get that answer."

Gamzee cursed to himself and leaned towards the speakers. A lot of static as the fighting was going on.

"Wait… this is hardwired into the cult's flagship. They're quiet, beyond moving, the attack hasn't made it to them yet," Karkat said. "The ships that were attacked were the ones that left earlier, their scout ships are gone, their hyperdrive able ships are gone…."

One of the coms came on. No noise, instead the line stayed open. There was a long silence, one that made it hard for other coms to check into Lereal's mainfeed, though by the way Sollux was twitching and nearly screaming it meant that their ships were being destroyed. One right after the other. It wasn't fast enough Sollux could get a break. One would go down, then enough time for him to listen to the chatter of other voices. Then another would go down. At least he didn't have to hear it over the radio as well.

"Who is keeping this line open?" Lereal's voice was between anger and panic. The silence kept on for a long moment. Then there was a laugh. Gamzee stiffened beside Karkat, moving back against the wall.

"Who is on the other side of this line?"

Gamzee swallowed. He could feel a cold sweep over his body. He shuddered, a cold sweat breaking over his skin.

"I order you to tell me your name."

"Let's just say, I'm your messenger of death. But I'm not here to talk to you. You're just a poor little rebel, who believes in peace and harmony when it's convenient. It's thoughts that like that make you bring your death to you sooner." The line was silent. Gamzee's breath shuddered in his chest. "No more orders? Too bad."

"Who are you trying to talk to?"

Sollux leaned forward, gasping, holding the scream in his throat.

"Let me pull out the list, it's a bit lengthy." There was a moment of silence. "Here we are… well, that is a lot of names. Only one of them knows who is talking, so he is the only one I care about right now. I haven't met the rest of them just yet."

Gamzee couldn't control his throat; it let out a squeak. Pressing back against the wall, he swallowed, trying to tell himself that this wasn't happening. He could see everyone in the room staring at the radio like it might give them answers. It was like tunnel vision, and slightly floating above his body.

"I know you're listening, and I have to say, bravo. Finally, fighting. You took us by such surprise. At first we thought it was just the depressingly boring rebel group, then wouldn't you know it, you managed something." There was a soft chuckle over the speakers. "To think what you managed and how you did it. I watched your footage, little one - tell me, how do the clothes fit? Are they more comfortable than the ones I gave you?"

Gamzee whined in his throat, his fists balling at his sides, and he could feel the sting from each word even through the static of the radio. He would have been amazed at how well his words worked if he wasn't fighting the urge to curl up in the corner and just cry until the voice was gone and he could just be alone.

"That aside, though perhaps that adds to my feelings, I can't believe I have to use this venue to tell you how proud I finally am. It only took, what, two months? Then again, you couldn't even fight face to face. No, you had to run. So I rescind my pride, maybe you'll get it back when we meet again."

Gamzee wrapped his arms around his core, and now everyone was looking at him. He could feel it, though his eyes were closed too tightly to actually see it. He was trying to control his breathing and remind himself that he was in the caves on Alternia, he was not back there.

"You know we will see each other again, right? And when we do…" There was a chuckle, a dark menacing chuckle. "I get all your little friends, too. Both of us are looking forward to meeting all of them. I hoped we would have met sooner, but seeing as you were actually smart enough not to come on this misguided attempt at a battle… Instead I'm here for press alone." A pause. "I've seen some pictures. I noticed some terribly familiar faces."

Gamzee's fingers dug into his sides. He wanted to launch himself forward and grab the microphone and talk back. Defend his friends, bargain even though they had a backup plan. He had to focus on something else, other than how well the mind games still worked.

"It was her idea, saying that I cared for you, that I was grooming you. Best thing about this is, you are dead to the Empire, I end up more violent, with an excuse, then in the end you're actually alive to deal with the repercussions of your actions. I see no downside to this. Of course, we could strike a deal."

Gamzee whined, folding in on himself, he could feel his legs getting weak. He convinced himself he wasn't going to grab the microphone and allow the game to work. Either they got out or took suicide pills; either way the only threat was their dead bodies, and at that point they were dead. It really didn't matter.

"You turn yourself in. You and all your friends come quietly into the night. We say you died due to torture, your friends died on these ships. You do that, and I'll go easy on you, I'll be kind with your punishment. And I'll make sure that each and every one of your ridiculously familiar friends gets it easy. All but Feferi and Sollux. I have no rights to them, so I can't make any promises."

There was a much closer gasp, and the faintest hint of another noise. Gamzee moved forward, almost as if it was against his will, except he was very aware of what he was doing. He grabbed the microphone.

"Fuck you," he growled.

"You did."

"Har-de-har. Some comedian you are. Fuck off."

"You'll regret not agreeing, my little clown. But you've made your choice. I'll be seeing you soon enough to make sure you regret it." There was a click, before the communicator turned back on. "Oh yes, I almost forgot. Sorrow drown your enemies." The com went quiet.

"What the fuck was that?" Lereal chimed in. There was silence, then the sound of crunching metal, wires cracking, the ship folding on itself. There was a gasp and half of Lereal's name came out of another troll's mouth. Than glass shattered, they could almost hear the suction, the screams of the crew lost to space, before the com was thrown into an unnatural silence. Sollux shuddered in his chair, his head now matching the silence from the communicator.

Karkat broke the dead silence.

"We should be running."

Feferi and Aradia hauled Sollux upright, and the group cleared the room in record time.


	10. Chapter 10

It was surprisingly simple to captchalogue as they ran through the caves. Not enough time to move all the way down to the deep storage, but deep enough they could gather more food, and water. A few other things here and there, but priority number one was to get out of the caves, to the ship, and get into space.

They managed to grab the last bit of supplies from the caves before moving up through the winding caverns. They had to make it into the ship before dawn, at least they knew that no one would be attacking when the sun was up, but they didn't know about when it started to go down.

They hurried on board the ship, Karkat performed one last headcount, and they slammed the doors. Sollux rushed to the control panel and started pressing buttons and pulling switches faster than the others could watch his hands move. Equius, without being asked, immediately opened the hatch in the control deck floor to check the engine, his verdict being "Not the best, but at least it won't explode and kill us all, and I think I can fix it on the move." He decaptchalogued a toolbox and started checking through it. "Yes, I have everything I need. We should get a head start, I can work on it then."

"AG, thlide over to the pilot'th theat. I'm going to do an electrical check, you do the thyth check." Vriska slid over to the seat next to Sollux, and she started to press buttons.

"Systems are warming up, it'll take them a moment, apparently we didn't rattle enough dust off this thing. Hey, it's got radar."

"Ith it operational?"

"Don't know yet, it's booting. All of you better find a seat, once this baby is warmed up we're outta here." Vriska added the last bit while waving her hand at the collection of seats on the walls beside them.

"This thing wwasn't set up for twelve trolls. There are five seats."

"Seven of us are sitting then, find a lap and hope that the straps will hold the both of you," Vriska replied.

Equius scooped up Nepeta immediately. Eridan moved towards Feferi, but her glare sent him skittering to the other side of the row of seats. Kanaya sat in Aradia's lap, wincing and struggling to find a position in which Aradia's metal leg didn't dig painfully into her. Karkat looked awkwardly at Gamzee, who shuffled his feet.

"Everyone." Sollux's voice was low. "All of you are doubling up. Get over yourthelveth and jutht find a lap and hold on. We're at fifty perthent and the electrical thythtem is stable. AG?"

"Radar's up if you want to check it out. Waiting for the final bits of a lot of things. I'll let you know when the engines are good to warm up."

"Doeth anyone have the time?"

"It's about four, two hours until dawn," Kanaya said quickly.

Tavros sighed and extended his arms. "Eridan, come here."

Eridan sat down in Tavros' lap, shifting uncomfortably. "Thanks."

"Please don't talk to me right now, this is awkward enough."

Terezi grabbed Feferi's hand and pulled her over. "Rock-paper-scissors for who sits on who?"

Feferi nodded and moved her hand to play. They counted to three, and both drew their respective choice. "Looks like I'm sitting on you," Feferi said.

"I don't see how you've won, so it looks like I'm on your lap, Miss Elderberry Fizz." Terezi cracked a grin.

Feferi shook her head, a small smile on her lips before sitting and pulling Terezi to her. "Fine, fine. I'm probably heavier than you anyway - more muscle." Both of them shuffled for a moment before locking in the restraints.

Gamzee sighed, grabbing onto Karkat's forearm. "Let's go." He sat down, Karkat sitting on him as gingerly as if Gamzee was a glass statue. He tried not to shift around, and refused to look Gamzee in the eye.

The body contact was uncomfortable, but not as bad as it could have been. Karkat was small and warm, and as unlike Gamzee's tormentors as it was possible for a troll to be. Gamzee rested a hand on Karkat's hair and murmured "I'm okay, bro." He tensed and breathed a little faster as the safety restraints wrapped around them both, but he could handle it, it was only for a short time. And Karkat was there.

Sollux looked back. "Everyone okay, and buckled in?" He looked around. "Theems like it. Engineth have tharted to warm up. AG, can you handle the retht of the protheth?"

"I got it." Vriska started pulling at a lever and they could hear the engine spring to life, slowly at first, then louder as the seconds wore on.

"We've got thome thmall thhipth in the upper atmosphere. I think they are drone thhipth. Let me thee if I can dithengage them before we take off."

Everyone held their breath, listening to the beeps and clicks as Sollux worked. Gamzee watched, mentally thanking the Messiahs that he hadn't actually ended up having to fly a ship solo. He should have known the simple controls in movies were hoofbeastshit.

"Everything is loaded - we ready to go, Sollux?"

"Yeah, yeah, we thhouldn't have any resistance, good to go on my end."

Vriska barely nodded, before grabbing onto another lever. She pressed a few buttons and readied her hands on another set. "Everyone hold on, this clunker is going to shake up a storm." All but the two piloting the ship tensed, grabbing on to their seats or the troll they were sitting on. "Here we go."

There was force as the ship pulled forward, not very fast yet, but the speed was quickly increasing.

"We're at two hundred," Sollux said quickly. "At four hundred I'll charge the thruthterth."

"Hopefully this old son of a bitch speeds up enough before the cliffs."

"If not, I'm a pthionic, we'll manage. Getting near two-fifty now." Pressure was pushing every troll back in their chair. The front part of the ship was starting to tilt upwards. Vriska was uttering a steady stream of curses and words under her breath. "Three-ten."

"That cliff is getting awfully close."

"Hold your pothition, AG." Vriska nodded, her body pressing back and her hand yanking back on the lever like it might make the ship go faster than it already was. The engine was roaring through the ship, sounding violent and angry; the ship wasn't shaking yet, but the sudden increase of speed made it impossible to move any of their limbs without a lot of effort.

Vriska moved her arm and the others could see the ability it took to move towards any of the buttons. "Where are we, Sollux?"

"Three-eighty, if you preth that button too thoon it'th going to be a challenge to get into orbit. Hold your courth, I'll tell you when to preth it."

"We're going to go off that cliff vertically. Hopefully we can engage the thrusters and use the angle to help," Vriska said quickly, before cursing again.

"We have time before it hitth. Three-nine-five, get ready."

If any of the other trolls watching could have turned their heads they would have seen the approaching cliff. Instead, they were too busy trying to right their sense of balance and keep from breaking anything as they slammed and pressed into each other.

"Four hundred, engage the first thruthter." Vriska pressed a button, and the ship jumped forward and pulled off the ground, nearly vertical in a matter of seconds as it shot higher into the air. "In three, two, one, engage the thecond." Another lurch forward and everyone pressed back as the pilot's window was covered in fire

The ship shook and groaned as it passed through the atmosphere. The pressure mixed with the shaking was enough to make any of the trolls feel like a carbonated drink, shaken up and waiting to explode. The roar of the exit was nearly deafening on top of the noise from the engine.

"We aligned?" Vriska's voice was strained over the roar. She was shouting as loud as she possibly could.

"We're ready!" Sollux was shouting just as loudly. The shaking started to slow, and along with the fire whipping around them it slowed and all that was left was the blackness of space. The ship sounded like it was popping, or that could have just been their ears getting accustomed to the new altitude. "Everything'th thtill working."

"The clunker made it. You all can unbuckle now, the main turbulence is over. If any of you feel sick, find something other than the ground to vomit on."

"Okay, how far can we get with the supplies we have?" Karkat said, shaking a little as he unbuckled him and Gamzee. The rest of the trolls followed suit shortly there after, all of them standing with a little shake.

"It's about... Wwell, this is just a guess-"

"Okay, no. Let's get a handle on our full situation, before any of us run off to do any other projects." Karkat paused. "Actually, Equius, start looking at the mechanics, Sollux, do something similar but whatever the fuck your version's called. Vriska, figure out our navigation and the exact place we're going. The rest of us, go through the ship, top to bottom, make a list of everything we have. Also write what's in your sylladex. You have one hour, I'll be around to get status reports, if you need more time tell me. This work for everyone?" The group nodded. "Also, if anyone can figure out how to look where the fleet actually is, that would be awesome."

"I'm on it, KK, I'll thee if I can calculate our lead and maybe buy uth more time."

The trolls slowly moved to do their respective jobs, most sitting with pen and paper, writing down what was in their sylladex first. Karkat sighed, basics first; ship navigation and threat proximity. Then he could worry about the rest of the supplies.

There was a squeak, and Karkat noticed Tavros was still hugging Tinkerbull. He sighed; great, an extra mouth to feed. Still, if worst came to worst the one problem could fix the other... He shook his head as he watched the little bull nuzzle Nepeta's hand as Tavros held it out, and decided that would be the last resort. Having a lusus on board was clearly helping morale, and he didn't want to lose that. He sighed and moved over to the hatch where Equius had started to work.

"You looked at this before we left?" Karkat's voice was still terse, but he was making an effort to at least sound polite.

"Barely, I did not have the time to extract all the required information." There was a pause as Equius decaptchalogued a notepad and pencil and started scribbling. "I'm afraid this engine's efficiency is terrible. There's no way we can outpace a good Alternian flyer, even with a head start, but even if we could, sooner or later we'll run out of fuel. If we want to make any reasonable amount of speed or distance we really need a psionic helmsman in a proper rig-"

"No," Karkat said firmly, raising a hand. "You already did enough damage with your bullshit about serving in your place, I am not having my best friend wired into a ship forever. Especially some crappy junker that should have probably been scrapped sweeps ago. I'm glad it's here, but if my best friend is becoming the Helmsman of any ship it's going to be a good one at least. That's not why we brought him, he came along to escape that!"

"No, no! I wasn't suggesting that for a minute!" Equius looked at the engine again. "I was about to say, if I rewire this a bit, I think - don't quote me on this, but I _think_ - I can set up a detachable helmsman wiring system."

Everyone heard him, and paused what they were doing in surprise.

"What?" Sollux blinked. "That'th impothible."

"I highly doubt it's impossible, lowb- _Captor._ It's just that nobody's ever bothered to try. Or at least nobody with our skills."

"'Our' skills, not 'your' skills? Huh." Vriska smirked.

"Well, yes. I'm not a psionic." Equius brushed his hair behind his ears and scribbled faster. "Okay, this will be... difficult at best, and I must warn you, Captor, it will probably hurt. But it's perfectly possible and you won't be in it forever."

"What's the downside?" Karkat asked.

"Uh, well, I'm going to have to improvise a bit, the equipment isn't marvellous, and there's no way to test it safely before putting it into practice. If it goes wrong, Captor risks brain damage."

Karkat looked at Sollux, who thought for a moment, then nodded. "Either I rithk brain damage, or we all thtarve to death or get caught. I'm willing to try it." He stood up and looked at Equius' notebook. "... Oh my god, you're right!"

"The cable array would just be in a helmet. Of course that cuts the amount of power but I don't think we have to tools to create a functioning removable array. There is also the issue of capturing the power. I was thinking we can go with a set of goggles that you would focus the energy to."

"It would need thome type of boothter."

"I was thinking something like..." Equius scribbled into the notebook, Sollux nodding beside him. "... this?"

"It would jutht continually thycle the charge, and I'd keep plugging at the initial puthh?"

"That's what I was thinking, though getting that initial charge would be difficult. It would leave you tired."

"We can work around that. Ath long ath that'th a known ithue we can prep for it. How are we looking at thtorage?"

"I'm a bit stuck on that at present, but I was thinking continual cable loops. Since you'll be recharging it, we shouldn't run into any entropy problems."

"There would be a big loth ratio, which might outweigh itth uthe. We can work on that though, over time we have to thee if a cableloop would even work to hold a pthionic charge... But we can do thith! I've never theen anything like- wait." He looked at Karkat, then at Gamzee, then back at Equius. "KK, am I thtill thuppothed to be mad at thith guy?"

"Gamzee and I still am, but you don't have to be. I'd recommend you don't stay mad if you working with him will both save all our lives and give us an excuse not to have to talk to him."

Equius expressed with a scowl what most people would have expressed with an extended middle finger.


	11. Chapter 11

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ii2 thii2 the helm2man of the battle2hiip conde2cen2iion?

wh_at c_an ii d_o f_or you?

lii2ten, ii don't want two hurt you. 2o ii'm goiing two make thii2 briief. ii'm not an admiin, ii'm a rebel and ii'm tryiing two run from the fleet. you're goiing two get a me22age two track our 2hiip. ii know you can't outriight liie, but iif you could 2ay we covered our traiil and help buy u2 tiime that would be awe2ome.

ii c_annot b_etray my p_o2t, the al_arm2 w_iill 2_ound iin 30 2_econd2.

ii don't want two hurt you. ii can put you offliine, ii know that hurt2 and ii don't want to hurt 2omethiing- 2omeone that could be me iin another tiime.

ii r_equiire m_ore iinf_ormatiion on th_e d_ata. pl_ea2e expl_aiin f_urther.

iif ii hadn't run from con2criiptiion ii would be a helm2man two. ii don't want two hurt you. ii know that iif thii2 faiil2 ii'll become a helm2man iif death doe2n't come fiir2t. ii'm tryiing two conviince you two help out a fellow yellowblood and maybe future helm2man.

ii und_er2tand th_ii2 t_actiic, it w_iill n_ot w_ork. th_e al_arms w_iill 2_ound iin 30 2_econd2 onc_e m_ore.

no, no, plea2e. ii 2wear ii'm telling the truth. my name i2 captor.  
2ollux captor. check the record2, ii'm a wanted fugiitiive.  
ii'm wiith the la2t of the 2ufferii2t rebel2. we need your help.

.

.

are you 2tiill there?  
waiit what am ii 2ayiing, where el2e would you be? ii2 there a problem?

ii w_iill 2c_out your tr_ajectory, on_e m_oment.  
ii c_annot l_iie tw_o h_er, b_ut ii w_iill 2_ay you h_ave tw_o w_ay2 you c_ould b_e g_oiing, and b_oth ar_e g_eneral. you h_ave c_overed your tr_aiil v_ery w_ell, and ii w_iill c_ontiinue tw_o w_ork on iit.  
you w_iill h_ave t_o d_elete th_ii2 l_og, ii und_er2tand th_at. ii d_o n_ot m_iind, l_iittle c_aptor.

thank2 for thii2, ii know it'2 rii2kiing your liife.

ii w_ould n_ot m_iind d_eath, b_ut 2h_e w_ould n_ot gr_ant iit. 2h_e only g_iive2 tr_oll2 ext_ended l_iife tw_o m_ake th_em 2_uffer m_ore. l_iitle 2_ollux, b_e aw_are 2h_e w_iill h_unt you d_own.

ii know, we're tryiing two make iit a2 diifficult to fiind u2 a2 po22iible.

iit'2 iimp_922ii6le t_o h_ide f_orever.

then we'll fiight to the very end. thank2 agaiin, ii'll delete thii2 log now, 2ave you 2ome griief.

th_ere ii2 on_e f_avour ii a2k iin r_eturn f_or my a22_iis2ance.

what?

d_on't g_et c_aught al_iive.  
ii c_an't f_ace th_at ag_aiin.

under2tood. thank you agaiin. ii have to go now, but ii mean iit. thank you.

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	12. Chapter 12

Preosh Filona shifted uncomfortably under the eyes of the subjugglators, and tried to subtly move closer to her group's mentor. The other five trolls in her squad - it would have been six, but Eridan Ampora was missing - looked equally uncomfortable, and the blueblood squad beside them looked even more frightened, with the exception of their mentor. He was strutting along as happily as if he was aboard his own ship, a merry twinkle in his eye even as the subjugglators eyed him like a fresh cut of meat. Preosh platonically hated him on sight. She looked away from him, and wished she hadn't as her eyes caught a large patch of a colour very similar to her own blood on the wall.

The two sets of nervous trolls finally reached the foot of the Grand Highblood's throne. The enormous troll towered over even the tallest blueblood, and his fangs glimmered like a shark's. Preosh and her squad hadn't been fully debriefed on why they were being called to the Subjugglator flagship, or why their particular squad had been called. They were a bunch of trainees, there were plenty of other trolls who could have been called, ones with experience. Though she wasn't about to question the Grand Highblood about his methods. She didn't feel like becoming a stain on the wall.

Both groups came to a halt, waited to be told just why they were there. Instead, the Highblood just sat, his hands hooked on the armrests of his throne, simply smiling at them. The only thing giving away that he wasn't some terrifyingly huge doll was the fact his eyes did flash over each of their faces, and the movement from his chest as he breathed.

Preosh desperately wanted to take a step back, but she could feel the stares of dozens of subjugglators behind her and felt like she'd be stepping back into the mouth of a kraken. Even the annoyingly happy blueblood was starting to look tense.

The room was thick with silence and heavy with tension. Preosh swallowed and it sounded loud in her ears. She wanted someone to say something, or for this to get underway somehow. Just standing there in silence waiting for the subjugglators to do something was going to eat right through her protein chute. She glanced over to the group of bluebloods; they didn't seem much older than her group now that she looked. That made her nerves flare. What could they want with a bunch of recruits?

After far too long, the Highblood leaned forward. She swore she could smell blood on his breath from where she stood. He looked them over, and finally spoke.

"Now, I'm sure you're wondering what's going on. You are here because, until fairly recently, you had traitors in your midst. Now, calm down, I know you weren't aware. But each of your squads has had a member go missing recently, am I correct?"

"Yes... sir," the blueblood's mentor said. It was obvious that he wasn't too sure how one actually referred to the Highblood when speaking to him. "We did have a recruit who vanished one morning..."

Preosh blinked at the wall. Eridan had left, just vanished. The investigation for his thieving was halfway through, when they all woke up one dusk and he was gone. He had never come back; they had assumed he ran from the allegations because they were true and he was trying to save his life. Had he really been a traitor, part of the rebel group behind the Heiress?

She had never heard Eridan say anything about them, which she guessed made sense. But not even something that would slightly link him to them, and she had seen Eridan plenty of times in private. They had been close, she thought, he might have slipped something or any sort of hint to her.

Unless the bastard hadn't really cared, and was going to just leave one day when their relationship was founded. Of course, that could have explained his comments, trying to break it off because he knew that he would be leaving soon.

"A blueblood by the name of Equius Zahhak." The Highblood chuckled saying the name. It was a joke only he understood. "And a violetblood named Eridan Ampora." Somehow hearing Eridan's name in this context tore her between anger and sickness. She had trusted him, she had even pitied him. She had pitied a traitor.

"That shitbag?" she shouted, before she even realised she was speaking. The word bounced off the walls, mixing with the gasp of her mentor, who brought a hand to his mouth and winced.

The Highblood looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Am I to assume you have information?"

Preosh stared up at him, mouth moving silently, before she forced herself to talk. "Uh. Yes, I was... quite close to him at one point."

"In what way?" The Highblood saw her expression and his lips twitched in a faint smirk. "Bad breakup?"

"... Yes, okay?" Preosh sighed. Her squad already knew, there was no point in her being shy about it.

"Well, do tell," the Highblood said, sitting back on his throne. Preosh looked up at him and wondered if he seriously wanted to hear about the details of her breakup or if he wanted her information. Choosing incorrectly at this impasse could mean her death. She swallowed, trying to buy herself some time, but even waiting too long could get her killed.

"He and I..." She decided by his tone that he did want details of their relationship to the point of the break up. "We became friends shortly after conscription, one thing led to another, and eventually we decided to enter into a relationship. He never said anything about... the rebellion to me. Nothing ever slipped out of his mouth about it. It was going pretty normal, until I realized he was an insensitive hypocritical jerk, and we broke up. He was being investigated for theft, and then he vanished. We didn't talk much after our relationship dissolved."

The Highblood arched a brow, a small smile on his lips. "Is that all you'd like to say on the matter?" Judging by his tone, that wasn't all she should say on the matter, but she really didn't know what else to add unless she wanted to talk about the thick of their relationship and break up.

She sighed. She'd rather lose her dignity than her life. "Okay, if you really want to know, he pailed half the ship and then had the nerve to call me loose."

Preosh's mentor, Icatus Gritch, looked shocked. "Wait, was that why he looked so tired all the time?" Preosh would have rolled her eyes, had she been in the presence of any troll but the Grand Highblood. She decided not to risk it.

"Uh, yez?" Gartel Ravety broke in, shaking her head. "He told me he could get you to let him zuck you off for a better grade. I did tell him he waz being too zubtle." Lieutenant Gritch dropped his glasses. Gartel sighed. "I don't know what you're complaining about, Filona, you were fucking zpecial - he didn't zteal your ztuff and he bothered to remember your name! God, I hate the little whore. Platonically, I mean, zourzpade," she added, looking at Preosh.

"Technically, whores have to be paid," the blueblood teacher butted in, grinning. "If he didn't actually succeed in getting a better grade, that would just make him a slut." He glanced backwards at his own shocked students. "Don't you lot get any ideas. That offer's not open to my ugly students, you know."

Preosh half expected either herself or the blueblood to get a club through the head, but the Highblood actually let loose a quiet chuckle. The blueblood winked at her. Evidently he'd dealt with subjugglators before, if clearly not the Highblood himself.

"Did you not know his proclivities before you dated him? Or were you unafraid of his... to put bluntly, what he might be carrying?" The Highblood was obviously amused by her losing any dignity she had. "Actually, given he fucked half the ship, I'm sure you are your team are closer thanks to him."

Her group looked at her nervously, apparently not too happy with her. She had drawn attention to their group, but honestly he seemed in good humor about it, even if he just did accuse all of them of having a shared disease thanks to their once-teammate.

"I pitied him because everyone fucked him, but nobody liked him." Preosh looked at her feet. "I was a fool." She looked back up when she realised she'd broken eye contact, afraid that the Highblood had somehow moved in the split-second and was now close enough to snap her neck. "I hope you catch the little bucketdrinker soon, I'd love to see him on a flogging jut."

The Highblood kept his eyes locked with hers and smiled. She suspected it was what he took for charming, but it was more frightening than anything. "We do intend to catch him, and perhaps we can leave some of his flogging for you. Dependant of course on your assistance. Now we know a little more about Ampora, did any of you know Zahhak?"

"Yeah, I remember him," the blueblood mentor said. "I thought he was creepy at first, but he was actually really fun to mess with."

"'Mess with' in what way?"

"He took the hemospectrum to a new extreme. I suspect, now that I know his leanings, he was trying to cover his flagrant disregard of it. But he would get so upset if I didn't offer criticism or fault him for mistakes. Instead I was kind and offered him support." He smirked. "One time I complimented him after he'd broken something, while I was holding a stick. I've never seen anyone so disappointed to not get hit. He seemed ready to break things for that kind of attention. It was funny to say the least."

"Your name is Harkol, yes? Shuran Harkol?" The Highblood smiled. "Well, you're a troll after my own heart. I'll keep your name in mind. There are very few things in the world that are more rewarding than watching a youngling squirm. I know most of you are young, but I'm sure you will learn in time how funny that sort of action is."

The blueblood looked as if he had something to add, but he was debating with himself. "Equius was strong though, more than any other blueblood I have ever met. Quite skilled with delicate work when he put his mind to it, but also very strong. It worked against him sometimes - if he got carried away he'd break the bows, and once I surprised him while he was trying to drink and there was broken glass all over the place. I didn't do that again, I can tell you." He rubbed at a recently-scarred nick in his ear.

"I would expect so. You are too young to know the name Zahhak, but I do. Being strong is their forte, though obviously their bonds to the Empire are always weak. If I had known what names were showing up at this conscription I personally would have gone down there and slaughtered a fair share of them. As ancestor, so descendant." He looked thoughtful for a moment, and the trolls before him had time to hope the meeting was over before he leaned forward again.

"Now, the Empress promised a reward to anyone who brought forth useful information," the Highblood said, steepling his fingers and gazing at the group over them. Preosh braced herself for their "reward" being a swift death, and was totally unprepared when he continued with "You're all promoted."

Harkol's eyes widened. "What? Really? Um. I mean, thank you, sir?" A grin spread across his face.

"Yes, really. I can see there's no love lost between any of you and your former associates, so I'm assigning you to the special forces we're sending to bring them back."

Preosh's flail was in her hand before anyone could blink. She clutched it to her chest like a beloved pet and ran a finger along one of its two razor-sharp hooks. "Really? I get to drag Ampora back in chains?"

The Highblood smiled, "Quite a little firecracker aren't you? To answer your question, yes, you'll get to drag him back. We prefer alive to dead, for the record. This mission is my pet project." Harkol nodded in understanding; every troll in the empire had heard the news. "Getting them in chains is the Empire's first task before they can destroy any other colonies, or collect any allies other than the ones we already suspect they have. You'll be fully debriefed once your promotions are finalized. Of course the mission you are going on is more related to shadows and relative silence. It wouldn't serve any of you to spread the information you learn with your new position. We know who has the information and they will not be around long enough to endanger the sanctity of this Empire. Is that understood?"

The trolls around the room nodded. The threat was more than obvious, and none of them particularly wanted to meet their end via the subjugglator forces. The Highblood leaned back once more gripping onto his throne.

"Well, with that out of the way, you're dismissed. Gather what you consider important - you have some training you'll need, so prepare for it. You'll receive a message once you're ready to begin and everything is finalized. Which will be very soon, so make sure you are ready to go at a moment's notice. I am not known for my patient nature." The group nodded again. The Highblood raised a hand and the crowd of subjugglators behind them split apart, allowing them to exit.

Preosh was practically skipping as the two groups left and went their separate ways. She had got out of a meeting with the Grand Highblood not only alive, but promoted. This had been the best day of her life, but she expected it to take second place fairly soon, on the day she finally saw Eridan again. This time with a weapon in her hand.


	13. Chapter 13

"What the hell are you two doing?" Karkat gaped at Vriska and Eridan, who were covered up to the elbows in red paint.

"Well, if you claim a ship you have to give it a new name! Not doing that is a terrible omen, and we already seem to be having just about aaaaaaaall the bad luck. So we found some paint someone left lying around and got to it."

"Of course that wwould hawe wworked better if wwe could hawe agreed wwhose ancestor to name it after." Eridan shrugged. "So wwe compromised."

Karkat looked at the name painted on the corridor wall; Naelenurenna. "'Mindscar'? Seriously? Sounds like how my thinkpan feels after listening to the two of you."

"Wwell, wwe figured it wwas better than Dualfang."

"Not by much, admittedly, but it'll do."

"Isn't the ship's name traditionally painted on the outside? Maybe you two should go climb out the airlock and paint it there."

"Oh, ha ha ha die."

Karkat shook his head. "I actually came to find all the slackers, because obviously you forgot we had a meeting today. The one I harped about last night, how everyone needs to be there. It wasn't optional."

"We had a meeting today?"

"Well, I'd like to know where the fuck we're going, and maybe figure out what we're going to do in the long term. As much as I like floating around in a tin can with limited supplies—"

"Yeah, yeah, we got it. It was ju- no never mind. Fine, let's go, fearless leader."

The three of them started to walk towards the bridge. The ship shuddered, pushing them forward slightly, and all of them had to grab on to the wall as not to fall. Karkat looked back to the other two trolls following him.

"We could have passed through something," Vriska said, without Karkat having to ask the question. "It seems like it's over now, must have just been a hiccup. The ship's not coming apart."

The three of them resumed walking, moving back to the flight deck, the only room large enough to house all of them comfortably for an extended period of time. Karkat seriously hoped everyone was already there, because if he had to hunt everyone down he was going to strangle someone. They made it to the door separating them from the flight deck, and inside they could hear a commotion. Karkat was almost happy that most of them gathered without him having to hunt them down. He knew Equius and Sollux would have been there anyway, still working on the engine. Karkat slid the door open, and it took him a long moment to comprehend the scene.

Anyone could have felt the warmth in the room, and the crackling of psionics could now be heard. Sollux was already wearing the helmet, gripping it tightly between both white-knuckled hands. Still-exposed wires were shaking from the power he was pushing into them. Karkat stared for a long moment, before he nearly screamed. They had promised the whole team would be present for its first use, just in case something wrong happened. Karkat marched forward, intent on ripping the helmet off his best friend and putting it on Equius' head, and on figuring out how to reverse the stored psionic flow.

"Stop!" Equius held up a hand in warning. His face was almost white, runnels of blueish sweat trickling down his neck and arms and soaking his undershirt. "If you touch it now I don't know what will happen. This is risky enough, pushing it off-balance could kill him and possibly everyone else here."

Karkat stopped, but drew himself up as much as he could. Even with his post-pupation height he would never be taller than Equius. "You said you were going to wait until all of us were present to use this thing. "

"Captor was quite adamant on testing it before using it. The test is almost complete, there are just a few more figures we need."

"I don't care!" Karkat was shaking. "Sollux, stop… Please, just, don't do this."

"It's almost done, and he said he won't unplug until the tests are finished." Equius was obviously uncomfortable with having to deliver the news. "Just a few more seconds."

The ship shook slightly, and Sollux's hands tensed on the helmet. The loose wires connecting him to the ship were shaking on the ground. The light in the room had a faint tint of red and blue before, but now it was obvious.

The light faded, Sollux's hands shaking, and he fell to the ground, his knees and palms hitting the metal floor with a thud. Other than Sollux's ragged breaths the room was silent, waiting for some affirmation that it worked, or it hadn't. If it didn't work, and something bad had happened, Karkat wasn't too sure what he was going to do.

Sollux made a noise, something between a groan and a sob. His voice sounded odd, and Karkat moved forward, coming to rest in front of his best friend, knowing that they did have all the shitty luck the universe had stored.

The rest of the trolls had arrived and were staring. All of them understood what had happened. There was some commotion as both Feferi and Aradia fought to the front of the crowd.

"Sollux?" Karkat asked softly, bringing his hands up to the helmet. "Sollux, are you okay?"

The yellowblooded troll didn't respond. He lifted his hands and grabbed at the air. Karkat felt his stomach drop. Sollux tried moving more, but his balance was tenuous at best. He swayed and once again found himself on his hands and knees.

Karkat put his hands on either side of the helmet. Feferi and Aradia had made it to his side, both of them coming to kneel beside Karkat. Equius didn't say that the helmet shouldn't be removed, or give Karkat any more warnings. Karkat pulled it off slowly. Sollux's eyes were closed, he was still breathing hard. There wasn't any blood, but he could have just cooked his thinkpan. They didn't see any traces of psionic scars, though that could have been explained by the same cooking of his thinkpan that Karkat unwillingly focused on.

"Sollux?"

Sollux's face twitched, and he made another noise. He tried pulling back to his knees, instead he swayed and both Aradia and Feferi grabbed him and helped him with his balance. Now he was upright there was blood, a little bit slid down from his nose.

Karkat turned to Equius. The blueblood looked shocked. He was holding on to his notebook and pencil like it was going to save him from the very painful process of dealing with Karkat's temper. Sollux swallowed, his eyes opening slowly. His eyes hadn't changed their color; they looked a little glassy, but other than that they were normal. Slowly, he raised a hand, Feferi still holding onto his side.

"Did…" his voice was slurred but normal, "we get the charge, EQ?" He wiped the blood away, smirking the smallest amount.

"I am almost positive we did."

"Exthellent." Sollux tried to smile, but he apparently was still shaken from the experiment. "No obviouth brain damage… I think we managed to make a detachable Helmthman rig from withful thinking and thpare parth."

"Sollux," Aradia said softly. "Don't do that again."

"No fear," Sollux groaned, a dreamy grin spreading over his face. "When the adrenaline wearth off, thith ith really going to fucking hurt. Heheh, but we did it. Pair of wrigglerth with a pile of junk did the impothible."

Karkat blinked, and slowly a smile spread over his face. "It worked. I can't believe it, you actually got it to work." He laughed, and grabbed Sollux's hand and shook it. "You're a genius!" He looked at Equius, shrugged, and said "And yeah, okay, so are you. Huh. We may actually have a chance at escaping now."

The trolls gathered round Sollux and Equius, shaking their hands and patting their backs, Tinkerbull fluttering happily around their heads as he picked up the trolls' excitement. Even Gamzee gave them both a brief nod; it was hard for him to be angry at Equius just after he'd potentially saved the entire gang from death or worse. His good mood probably wouldn't last, but he decided to enjoy it while it did.

Once everyone had given their congratulations, Sollux got up and he and Equius looked over the numbers Equius had obviously been gathering while Sollux had been plugged in. The rest of the trolls slowly settled into their regular places around the bridge. Karkat cleared his throat, and Equius and Sollux broke their conversation, both of them taking their seats on makeshift piles they had been cobbling together. Karkat looked over the group. "I know we already told them how awesome they are, but for good measure, Equius and Sollux did well. Now we have a stronger chance of outrunning the Empire. We might just get a pretty good lead now. But outrunning the empire is the point of this meeting." Karkat looked over everyone again, then shrugged. He didn't have to be the figurehead of a cult with his friends, just Karkat. "So does anyone have a plan for where we're going, or are we just going to float around in this stupid tub until we get caught or starve to death? Because if it's just floating around until death we might as well just kill ourselves now by having you fly this thing into a sun."

"No, we do have a plan," Sollux said, looking up from his seat. "We were kind of thtuck until EQ helped me with the engine - we can make about twithe the dithtanthe we originally were going to manage before we run out of food, maybe further with thtrategic uthe of wormholeth. And of courthe that'th eckthpanded our optionth. I hacked the Empire'th recordth for info about planetth with chemically-compatible life, and we found thith…" Sollux reached over and tapped a button on the control panel. The screen lit up, showing a blue-green ball. Sollux clicked another and the image was projected onto the wall so all the trolls could look at it.

Vriska nodded proudly. "Yep, ladies and gentlemen, we give you… uh…" She squinted at the name under it. "Ee-are-th? Ah, who gives a fuck what it's called, we're going there."

"A few droneth checked it out, but it'th kind of a utheleth planet for the Empire'th purpotheth, tho it got put on the backburner invathion-withe. We can jutht about make it there on time, if it cometh to it we can pick up more food and water there and run again."

All of the trolls were looking over the display. Terezi stood up,and Vriska stopped her. "It's blue, green, and white," she said quickly. "Don't lick the wall until the presentation is over."

Terezi sniffed instead. "So what's this planet like?"

"There's not much hard information on it. There are a few pictures of the surface and the inhabitants, we have files on the most widespread language, and that's about it. Looks fairly safe to regroup there, though."

"That's not on the backburner, that's on a wwarming plate somewwhere across the uniwerse. Do we know anything else?" Eridan looked over the data on screen.

Vriska cleared her throat. "There is one sentient species, their language looks confusing, though judging by surface pictures they are pretty advanced. Like Alternia before the Rebellion of the Young. Both Sollux and I are pretty sure they have space travel, but they stay close to their planet. No doubt they don't want to enter into planetary war. Their planet is pretty much useless to us, but I'm sure other Empires would try. They use weird things to build with, they seem to dislike a lot of open space between their groups, only some of their species seems to like being away from others. But, most importantly, it's habitable for us, we're pretty sure we can eat and drink just about anything there."

"Really, we know next to nothing about this planet. How long ago was this data taken?"

"Not long enough that the star blew up and the planet isn't there anymore. For all we know the sentient species has moved off planet and it's an empty rock with food and water. As long as we are willing to hunt. Which is sort of a no duh. I don't think another Empire would take it either. It's too close to Alternia's borders. It would be a direct threat at the Empire and I'm pretty sure no one wants another empire war."

"Even if they're thtill there, they look pretty harmleth." Sollux shrugged. "They're thort of thquithhy-looking pink and brown creatureth. I think we could handle them."

"It sounds like the drones that looked into this planet did a terrible job. Usually there is more information. Either that or they're less harmless than they look and the drones got destroyed," Karkat added, looking concerned.

"Look at it ath a good thing." Sollux smiled. "With the droneth, GZ thayth that they'll be thearching the Empire for uth. Thith ith removed, but not unknown. Even if they are dangerous, we can keep our headth about where we are, treat it ath a rethtock mithion if we notice that we don't thtand a chanthe."

"It isn't like Sollux and me just pointed and picked a planet, guys." Vriska shook her head. "We researched, and looked over a lot of planets for us to come up with a few we thought were good candidates. This one happens to be the best."

"Let me guess, it's the one you picked." Terezi would have been rolling her eyes if it could have been seen.

"Of course. But seriously, it's our best option."

"AG ith right, it ith. Thince I know we all have handhelds I'm going to thend over the language information. All of uth are required to learn it. When we arrive if we run into the owner thpecieth, all of uth can communicate with them. Hopefully, they don't have any thort of kill on thight laws. I'll see if I can rig up our chipth to help uth learn it father, we have thome time but we need to be competent, thay we come in peace, and hope they haven't heard about Alternia."

"Maybe it's best," Aradia said, "to be prepared for if we meet them, but use this as a restock. Then we can head out to some far off planet that isn't owned, or near anyone. If we do get in contact with the dominant species there and they turn out to not be volatile we can, at that point, see about setting up something to finish training. I know all of us know we can't outrun them forever."

"We only have until my pupation," Feferi said softly. "Unless I kill myself right before. Either that or all of you die."

"It won't come to pass," Karkat said quickly. "We can't outrun them forever, but we can find a better way to face them. Then we can take them down."

"How long do we have left before the next one of us pupates? Excuse the question," Terezi asked, trying to conceal nervousness.

"You're excused, Pyrope. We have enough time, I can keep myself in check, but only for so long. We would arrive there and could have taken off again with more food and water by the time that happens. Although I would request that if we are doing it as a stock run, I would be excluded from gathering the stock. I would like to make some repairs, and I might be able to scavenge enough materials to make this ship far more comfortable. I found this has a very dated water-recycling system - it's usable now, but it's not in good condition. Most of this ship is that way. I can maintain it, but it needs work. Luckily, we shouldn't run into any problems with the pressure or atmosphere systems."

"It would make sense if we divided up jobs when we got there. It would save us time, and energy. Some for food, some for water, some for ship and ship repairs, others for other items. We split evenly into teams of three, so we can break that way when we get there." Karkat was thinking out loud, but the other trolls nodded. "So we go to E-har-eth and we have a back-up plan just in case it's not safe. If it is what should we do? If they welcome us and give us asylum, we would be putting their planet at risk."

"Maybe we should cross that bridge when we come to it," Kanaya said. "How long is it going to take to get there? I'm sure we have time to work it out."

"I'm thtill fully plotting our courthe, it could take two perigeeth, it could take three. Dependth on how we can uthe thpace to thuit our needth. I'll give a better anthwer later. Right now we're on the part of the trip that would be the thame no matter what. I might have AG take over tho I can thee if I can find out how far the Empire ith behind uth."

"I can do that, no problem."

"Save it for after we all sleep, we haven't done much of it since we took off from Alternia, and none of us are going to be any use exhausted. We cannot afford even the smallest mistakes - think of it this way, every error we make is one step closer to the Empire making an example of us… Or for other threats to happen." Karkat said the last bit fast, not wanting to think on it long, but wanting to remind everyone what they knew would come if they failed. "Everyone, let's eat, then sleep. In the evening we'll plot the course and do our odd jobs. Is that alright with everyone?"

Everyone agreed and set to their respective tasks, Terezi volunteering to try and make something edible from their limited supplies. A hot meal on top of Sollux' and Equius' success raised their spirits significantly, even knowing about their lack of sopor slime; only two recuperacoons had been salvaged from the hideout. Karkat forbade anyone from sleeping in them, in order to preserve the slime supply. Everyone would have to smear a little of it on their temples and hope that would be enough to keep nightmares at bay. Gamzee faced it without complaining; even that limited amount of slime was better than what he had become used to. All of them curled up in the flight deck, not at ease enough to take up the bunkblocks, taking whatever they could call comfortable and creating something to sleep on. It took too long for all of them to relax long enough to sleep, but leader's orders were leader's orders.

Eridan was unsure how long he had been asleep. Waking up happened suddenly; barely conscious and bleary eyed, he could feel someone stroking from his hairline to his jaw. He looked ove to see the culprit, and froze. "Gam, wwhat are you doin'?"

"Nothing, just thinking." Gamzee's eyes were half-hidden by his hair, his lips curved in a wicked smile.

"Gam, I… Could you stop?"

"WHY?" The yell was more like a hoarse growl. "If we just chopped those pesky fins, YOU'D BE REAL MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL."

Eridan shrank away. "Uh. I see your teeth are growwin' back. Um. Good?"

Karkat lay not far away, peeking through his eyelashes and smirking. He hissed quietly "Hey, anyone wanna bet on whether Ampora wets himself?"

"Sure, what's the price?" Vriska sniggered behind her hands.

"Gam… wwhat brought, I mean, wwould you…" Eridan was stuttering, trying to find something to say or some way to make the action stop. Gamzee was nearly on top of him, still running his fingers across skin. There was an even more twisted smile on his face now, amplified by the fact that some of the staples that had been holding his cheeks together had pushed out from their place as the wound was healing.

"Oh hush, no need to get all up and nervous, you were something I could be occupying my time with. I ain't needing no sleep. Don't worry, I ain't gonna be messing with your fins just yet. We got ourselves plenty of time."

Kanaya, keeping an eye on Gamzee, whispered to Karkat "Shouldn't you be stopping him?"

"Relax," Karkat said, leaning towards Kanaya, watching Eridan still stuttering at Gamzee. "He told me he really isn't going to do it, he just wants to scare them a little bit. I don't honestly blame him. He could do worse, he just wants revenge and this doesn't kill them. But if he does start actually acting on those threats, then yeah, I'll stop him. This is just light revenge."

"That's sick."

"They had their chance to help him and they didn't. He needs to work out the stress somehow and this is probably better than dismembering them."

"Karkat!" Kanaya's whisper was more of a sigh. "He needs to vent his frustrations in a healthier manner."

"If it was a few sweeps later and he'd stopped being so angry already I'd agree with you. He's pretty pissed off, and I don't blame him. No offense, Kanaya, but you haven't heard him talk about what happened. Anyway, what do you think he should do? I'm open to suggestions."

"Has he discussed what happened with you?" Kanaya said, avoiding the second part of the statement; she wasn't too sure how Gamzee should be working through his problems, but she firmly believed this wasn't the way to do so.

"Not all of it, but he told me a few things. I don't really want to ask for any more details. What I heard is enough to make me sick."

Eridan was trying to move away from Gamzee, but their positions made it difficult. Karkat glanced over to make sure nothing had escalated. There wasn't any blood, there wasn't anything other than Gamzee's twisted features looking down at Eridan, and the violetblooded troll trying to escape.

"Would you put Eridan through something similar, then?" Kanaya asked tersely.

"No! As I said, Gamzee's not actually going to do it. He's just letting them feel something of what their advice was like. It's a sort of cause-and-effect relationship."

Kanaya was about to say something else, but Eridan drowned her out with a scream, leapt to his feet, and bolted. The sound of a slamming door woke up everyone who hadn't been woken by his shout, and all eyes turned to Gamzee, who looked conspicuously innocent.

Karkat looked at Kanaya and sighed. "Fine, I'll tell him to behave himself. I'll ask him to stop threatening either of them with that." Karkat cleared his throat. "Gamzee, come here, stop harassing them. You should at least try to get some sleep."

Gamzee silently lay beside Karkat, not touching him. Karkat soon fell asleep, as did everyone else, one by one. Gamzee did not.


	14. Chapter 14

Two days into their journey, Equius managed to get the water system working, much to everyone's relief; it felt like forever since any of them had been able to take a shower. When it came to his turn, Gamzee had mixed feelings. He desperately wanted to feel clean again, but he wasn't looking forward to having to see himself.

River water hadn't done much in way of getting him clean. It got off the loose grime, but not what was caked under the stolen uniform he wore. Most of that had been cleaned off when he had been passed out due to blood loss; still, it felt as if it was there, and there was some black still lingering on his skin.

He held a towel in his hands, wondering if he could somehow cover the mirror embedded into the wall. He knew it wouldn't work, so instead he settled on closing his eyes as he stripped off his uniform, blindly dropping the pieces of fabric on the counter that held the sink. After he washed up, he wasn't going to wear the whole thing anymore. There wasn't a point.

He got into the shower, the hot water feeling like something new. Something he hadn't quite felt before. Though he was sure it wasn't meant to be grey when it ran down the drain. He guessed most of the grime had been from his hair, but he wouldn't have been surprised if he still had layers of it on his skin where he hadn't had wounds.

He did his best to avoid looking at himself. Instead, he watched the water swirling down the drain. In the gray, there were still purple and pink colored flecks and he could felt his stomach lurch unpleasantly. Now that he wasn't delusional and elated just to be free, the colors brought everything back. He leaned against the wall; he knew he'd have to scrub at his skin, his hair, he was going to have to face the damage.

It was odd his knees were still bruised. Apparently, his recovery from the cuts along his face hadn't given the bruises time to fully heal. Looking over his skin, he could see his bones. He'd never been able to do that before. He poked at his hipbone, surprised at its existence, then up to his ribs - those hurt when he poked them. No doubt they were still bruised as well, they had almost been crushed too many times not to be.

He avoided the still-slight scabs of his brands, preferring to forget their existence, but everything seemed to be healing. He didn't know if he should mentally thank them for the cuts along his cheeks; he was sure that was the only way he could have gotten any care for the injuries they gave him. He should probably thank the poor sap of a medtech that cared for him, he ended up dead for all the work he put into Gamzee. No doubt it was hours of work to clean up all the injuries he had.

He took a breath and quickly scrubbed himself down; the water would be recycled, and cleaned. He didn't have much time before the water turned off automatically, not that he wanted to spend more time than necessarily naked and vulnerable. He'd get the grime off, get clothes back on, and he could forget that there was a troll underneath them.

He looked at his claws. They'd grown back at least some of the way, and the tips were getting sharp again. Maybe that could solve at least one problem… He rested the tip of his index claw at the edge of the brand on his stomach, and prepared to cut it out.

"Gamzee?" He heard Karkat's voice, and a knock at the door. "Are you okay in there?"

Gamzee jumped back in the shower, his hands quickly gripping the wall, as if Karkat could see through the metal and everything else separating them. He tried to find his voice fast enough that it didn't seem suspicious. Instead he stared toward where the door was, his eyes wide. He damned himself for freezing. He wanted to react, but instead he was left with the noise of the door opening.

"You're not dead, right? Gamzee?" There was a pause, and his voice caught in his throat. He cast his eyes around the shower stall, quickly looking for anything to cover him up. He was sure Karkat was still speaking, but he was more concerned that his moirail would see him. "—Oh fuck."

Gamzee tried to grab on to the divider, but his hand slipped against the foggy surface, sliding along the door, exposing even more of himself. He reeled back, trying to hide himself from Karkat's eyes. He curled his arm around his stomach, trying to hide most of the marks, bruises, and bones.

"What the-" Karkat said slowly. His words cut off as his eyes moved over Gamzee's form. Gamzee tried to stay curled up and hidden. He didn't have enough arms or hands to cover everything. Karkat's eyes widened, and he just knew a shit storm had just brewed itself and was about to make landfall.

"It-it's okay," Gamzee babbled, forcing a smile. "I was just gonna get rid of them, you don't ever have to see them again!"

"Get rid of-" Karkat cut off his sentence with a yell of "No!" when he saw Gamzee's claw dig into skin again. He dived forward and wrenched Gamzee's wrist up, away from the injury. "Gamzee, no! Are you trying to make yourself bleed to death now?"

"No, this isn't me trying to kill myself." Gamzee tore his arm away from Karkat's grip. "I have to get them off me. I can't keep them there." His claws once again plunged into the wound he had started.

"Gamzee, stop!"

"I can't motherfucking stop. I have to get rid of them." Karkat swore he heard the purpleblooded troll's voice crack, like he was going to cry, or it could have been to laugh. Either way, it didn't make Karkat comfortable. Gamzee wasn't supposed to cry, ever, nor was he supposed to laugh right now. "I need to get them off of me."

Karkat needed all his strength to hold Gamzee's hands still. His eyes roved over the marks, taking them in. Muvetir. Hashaan. Ketesk. Jisituni-Rorut. It felt like someone had stabbed a spear into his gut and twisted. He couldn't pull Gamzee's hand away from his forearm, and the only part of the word he could make out was "ha".

"Gamzee, pull your hand away." Karkat tried to keep his voice steady. "We can figure out another way to get rid of them. Maybe once we restock we can cut into them, so that way they don't say anything anymore."

"No," Gamzee tugged his hand toward his arm. "I can't, I need to get them off me."

Karkat could feel the muscles in the taller troll's arm tense as his claws pushed into skin. He took a breath, trying to ignore the fact his moirail could legitimately kill himself right now. Karkat had to stay strong. He had to keep a level head. "Gamzee, come on, it's okay."

"DOES THIS LOOK MOTHERFUCKING OKAY? Does this look like it's even in the realm of okay."

Gamzee ripped his arms from Karkat's grasp, and Karkat could make out the final word Gamzee had branded onto his skin. As strong as Karkat was trying to be, he couldn't help wanting to back up and give Gamzee space. He knew that was stupid. His claws were growing back fast and if Karkat was too far away he might have to watch someone he pitied slit their throat. Gamzee gave a little laugh. It wasn't in humor, just darkness and a torrent of emotion that Karkat wasn't sure he had the thought-power to scale right now. Not with so much at hand, and at stake.

The taller troll shifted, and Karkat almost moved to stop him again; instead Gamzee turned and showed Karkat his back. He could see another word scrawled between his shoulderblades, and the faintest trace of two signs carved into the back of his neck, hidden by hair. A wave of nausea rolled over the smaller troll. Karkat reached forward and curled his hand around Gamzee's wrist. Not just to keep him from violence, but he felt like it was all he could do to offer support.

"What does the one on my back say? I couldn't see it and they didn't tell me."

Karkat swallowed.

"What does it MOTHERFUCKING SAY?"

Karkat was silent, then whispered _"'Lonlun'."_

Gamzee laughed, a hollow empty sort of laugh. One that twisted into Karkat's muscles and made his blood go cold. He was still clutching onto Gamzee's hands, trying to keep him from hurting himself more. "I guess I am." That was all the taller troll mumbled. Karkat knew the rest of that sentence, even if Gamzee didn't say it.

"You're not. Don't let—"

"Don't let what?" Gamzee hissed, his hands curling into Karkat's wrists. "Myself believe it? Oh motherfucker, you don't know what it's like to be me. OR HOW MOTHERFUCKING TRUE IT IS."

"Gamzee!" Karkat ignored the pain of the claws digging into him. "Come back to me."

"I'm still here, brother, just a little more enlightened."

"This isn't you, Gamzee. I refuse to believe it." Gamzee was silent. Karkat could tell he was looking over the wounds. No matter how hard he tried, Karkat couldn't stop himself from letting his eyes fall back to the words he could still see. Even if it felt like it had been months since they got on this ship, he could still see bruises. Karkat wanted to wince as he realized one was nearly a perfect handprint. It was faded, off-color, not as striking as a fresh bruise. But it was still there, lingering on his hip, another brand in and of itself. It had to have been a very wicked bruise to stick around this long.

Karkat moved closer, not too close lest the taller troll get nervous. He wanted to be there for him, to help him through this, he hated these stabs of pity he was getting every time his eyes followed the lines of a word. Any word on him just caused a flare of terrible consuming pity. Not only had he had to suffer those tortures but he'd always remember, he would and could never forget. Even if he lived to be a million sweeps, every scar and word would still be engraved into his skin.

"Gamzee, what happened?" Karkat took a breath and realized how that could sound. "What I mean is, how did you get these?" To calm him down, to fix this, he had to make sure Gamzee wasn't alone in the memories. If he was alone or felt alone, Gamzee tended to get stupid.

"I said I'd be good." The taller troll was mumbling at the wall, but Karkat could make it out enough that he wasn't going to ask him to repeat it. It wasn't so much about him hearing it, it was more about Gamzee getting it out in the open. "I said I'd be motherfucking good and all I want was to make them happy. Having them be proud. That I'd be theirs. I didn't know what else to motherfucking do. She nearly bashed my head in. I thought if I was good, if I tried to make them happy, I might be able to get out of there. Or outwait them, they'd let me out without chaining me up, and I could run. That was dumb of me to hope. I know if they let me out I'd be locked to one of them one way or another."

Gamzee's shoulders were shaking, Karkat didn't doubt he was crying. Karkat kind of wanted to cry; his sweet, dopey, idiot of a friend had never sounded this hollow. Or this empty. Karkat almost prefered Gamzee's anger to this. He'd never seen Gamzee be anything other than kind to everyone, no matter how rude or vicious another troll got Gamzee was there being his chipper, optimistic self. Karkat adored that trait as much as it annoyed him.

"She made me say it, say how I was theirs no motherfucking matter what. I said it, and I can't shake the feeling about its truth. I'm just motherfucking like him, just like her. Give me a couple sweeps, shit ,or maybe I should have just stayed. Been in my place and all. If I ain't with them, I become that monster."

Karkat reached a hand forward, and brushed along the sigils branded into the taller trolls neck. Suddenly, everything made a lot of sense. The two perpetrators, their stage, their victim, Gamzee's general fears. Everything clicked into place.

"It's not your place, no matter how much they wanted it to be." Karkat kept his voice low, trying to soothe Gamzee and quell his own anger. He didn't know the kind of monsters they had been up against, but now, he understood.

"I guess I should say that's how I gots the mosts of them. This one…" Gamzee lifted his arm, Karkat bit his lip trying to stall any reaction he might have. "… is different." He didn't elaborate beyond that. Karkat wasn't sure if he should press for information or not.

"Gamzee, this isn't the truth. It's their truth. You know that these—"

"Karkat!" The smaller troll wasn't sure if it was the tone of voice that shook him so deeply. "All of them are true. I am worthless, I couldn't fight them, I tried and gave up too easily. I'm a pet, seeing as I crawled around after them, they didn't even have to ask sometimes. I did offer myself to them, traded my body and dignity over it. I am their fucking pail, I'd go into that, but I think you get the drift. I was their fucktoy, and hell, they showed up here that'd be the first thing I'd try." Gamzee let out a whine, looking down at his arm. Karkat followed the line of sight and realized it was bleeding. "He does own me… Always and forever. At least they picked a stack of words that are the truth."

"Gamzee." Karkat tried to make his voice firm.

"No, just go. I won't kill myself. Won't even dig my claws into the scars. I just need… Ttme."

"Gamzee."

"Leave me alone." That hurt more than Karkat could ever imagine. "I'll come out soon. I just don't want you to look at me. Fuck, I don't want to look at myself"

Karkat backed off slowly, hesitantly. Going from his expression, Gamzee guessed he must be feeling worthless himself, and felt even worse for hurting him that way. "I'm holding you to that, okay? Do not come out of this room bleeding from anywhere. That's an order from your captain." He closed the door, but Gamzee could sense him lurking outside.

His teeth hadn't grown back fully yet. He sank the stubs into his hand as hard as he could. No bleeding, just like Karkat said. He wondered, if he was caught again and grew boring, how he'd taste to them. He'd probably still get them high, and that was a bit of a comfort. Not much of one, but it did make eating him a lot less appealing.

He sank to the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest. The water auto-shut off at some point, no one would have to worry about him wasting it. He held on to his knees, his finger tracing over the scars on both his arms. He wished he hadn't promised that he wouldn't try to remove the marks on him, because it would have been easy to dig his claws in and get rid of them. Make the marks his own instead of theirs. He bit onto his arm again, wishing for pain, or release, but instead just getting a dull throb. He closed his eyes, his body was shaking again and he could feel tears fighting towards his eyes but getting caught somewhere in his throat.

He didn't regret his freedom, he didn't want to be back, no matter how easy that would make things. He knew that all those wishes were because even though he had chosen one option, the other two still lingered. They could end his life still, until they were dead it could happen. Or he could take his own life, not have to deal with this pain, the constant reminders of it.

Maybe Karkat had been right to worry about him wanting to kill himself. It would be fairly simple, and the tub would catch most of the mess. They'd have some additional food supplies, even if it was sopor-encrusted. He shook his head. He didn't want to die. He just felt powerless right now. As if no matter what he did he would end up back or something worse would happen. He wanted to live, just it was getting difficult.

He wished he hadn't sent Karkat away, that he could curl up with him and somehow force the tears out of him and he'd feel better. Instead, he was curled up on the floor of a shower, wet, naked, and cold. Fingers tracing a word that made his intestines twist up and tear through him.

He pulled his hand from his arm and on the still-wet floor of the stall he traced the image that seemed burned into his mind's eye. The Sul redrawn, and he swore he could hear his ancestor's voice in his head. He'd been given his options, he'd made his choice. Even though they were probably light years away from each other he could feel his ancestor's claws picking over his corpse. A scavenger picking off what was left from his bones. PerhapsGamzee had been correct in naming the ghosts his skeletons.

A knock shot through the room. Gamzee lifted his head and looked towards the door. There was fear at first until he remembered where he was, and that he was only like this because of his own choice.

"Gamzee?" Karkat said from outside the door. "You okay? It's been about an hour."

Gamzee cocked his head towards the door, and decided that time was weird. It just ran away. He cleared his throat, and was about to respond, when he caught sight of the purple mark drawn on the bottom of the tub. He cursed under his breath. It would be unfair to wash it away, their water was precious. He looked at the brand on his arm, bleeding once more.

"Karkat…" His voice was rough. He didn't know what to do. He reached over and put his still bloody hand over the Sul, trying to make it go away. "Karkat." He tried again; even if he broke his promise he couldn't handle being alone right now. He didn't even realize he had hurt himself.

Karkat had bundled Gamzee back up in his clothes, and both were moving with the intent to find something to wrap up his arm with. Surprisingly, the smaller troll wasn't angry about the wound. It only took three seconds of Gamzee trying to explain what happened before Karkat helped him get dried off and wrapped his arm up in the sleeve of his shirt.

They were looking around the flight deck, looking for the onboard first aid kit. Karkat promised he'd keep it quiet, so the other trolls didn't notice, or ask any questions. Someday Gamzee would have to thank the hotblooded troll for being the best moirail in the known and unknown universe.

Kanaya looked up from her sewing, watching them move around. She clicked her tongue, and Karkat's grip on Gamzee's arm tightened; that usually meant she had something she wanted to say.

"I don't mean to offend, but those clothes really don't look comfortable. The cut's not right at-"

"Yes, okay, I'm wearing a fucking woman's clothes, if you really wanna know," Gamzee snapped. "I didn't have too many motherfucking options." Kanaya was right, though; the girl had been about the right size, but the shirt was tight around the shoulders and puckered slightly over the chest, and he had to keep checking to prevent the waistband from sliding down his hips.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend," Kanaya said soothingly. "I just wanted to say I can adjust them for you if you want. I know it's only a small thing, but it might help. I don't think you need any additional discomfort right now."

Karkat scowled. "Hey, how'd you like it if I started oiling your moirail's joints or something?"

"Well, unless you suddenly learned to sew, I'm fairly sure I'm the best person for the job. Isn't it also a moirail's duty to track down outside help if they can't solve a problem themselves?" Kanaya said icily.

"I guess. But aren't I supposed to ask you, not you just assume that this is going to be a thing? Assuming makes you look like a desperate fool."

"What has gotten into you Karkat? I swear you're more petulant than usual."

"I'm more moody? Forgive me, if this whole situation is the fucking dregs of shit the universe could have thrown at us. I'm hungrier than normal, because we're rationing our food so much, and all of you are so mind-numbingly annoying that I'm pretty much at the impasse where I hate myself for even making friends in the first place, and would rather curl up into a ball of rage and hate than deal with all of your presumptive bullshit."

"Guys, enough! Don't make me auspisticise," Gamzee snapped. "I probably do need better clothes, and it was real nice to offer." He chewed his lip with the remnants of his teeth and tugged at his shirt hem. He really didn't want to have to take them off.

"Come on," Karkat said softly. "We'll find something to wrap you up in so you can give them to her." Karkat slowly moved his fingers towards Gamzee's hand. The taller troll quickly took it, letting himself be guided away. "I can also wrap up your arm then, okay? I'll try to make sure no one bothers you while it's happening."

"You're sweeter than sugar."

"You're a hopeless romantic and a douchebag." Karkat's gaze settled on Equius. "Hey, Zahhak! You still owe Gamzee, start paying your debt by lending us a couple of towels. Clean ones."

"Why would he need towels?"

"Just hand them over, you'll get them back pretty soon."

"The… Makara could always just forgo any type of cover while his clothes are being fixed. It shouldn't be an issue."

"Just hand them over." Karkat held out his hand. "Leader's orders."

"You're an insufferable excuse for a leader Vantas." Equius decaptchalogued a few towels, and placed them into Karkat's hand. "I do expect them back."

"You'll get them back. I don't particularly feel like mopping up puddles of sweat because you're missing two or three towels. I have more important things to do with my time than running around after you to clean up your messes." Karkat kept rambling, hoping the trolls in the room would tune him out and stop paying attention while he grabbed the first aid kit, and then Gamzee and he could leave the room, and he'd bring Kanaya the clothes.

"Why are you grabbing the first aid kit? Did you get hurt already, Karkat?" Vriska asked from her seat at the controls. "Did Gamzee turn on you?"

"Vriska, go see if trolls can survive the decompression and coldness of space."

"That wasn't as snappy as normal, what happened? Are you seriously hurt?"

"I'm fucking fantastic. Wonderful even, nothing is wrong with me, no cuts, no bruises, except that one I got on my calf when we were leaving the Sufferer caves. No splinters, no dizziness, nothing is wrong with me. Now that that awkward line of questions is over we'll be leaving."

"Don't run off too far, I require Gamzee's measurements."

Gamzee sighed. "Is that motherfucking really motherfucking necessary?"

"Yes, if you want your clothes to fit correctly," Kanaya told him firmly. "Karkat, would it help if you did this part? I'm sure you're capable of working a tape measure."

Karkat looked at Gamzee, waiting for a response. Gamzee sighed, then shrugged. It was better than Kanaya, but really he didn't want to have to have anyone wrap tape measure around him. He didn't want to really know how much he had changed, nor did he want anyone to look at the scars. Sure, Karkat had seen them, but this wasn't accidental.

"Hand it over, Kanaya." Karkat held out his hand. "We'll go over there, I'll write them down for you."

"Can't you just say them so it doesn't have to take too long?" Gamzee gave Karkat a slight nod.

"Fine. God, you're obnoxiously pushy."

Karkat took the tape measure and, scowling but working carefully so as not to upset Gamzee further, took the measurements Kanaya deemed necessary. As he looped the tape around Gamzee's waist, he winced; Gamzee was never exactly fat, sopor slime not being very digestible, but now he was skeletal.

The tape caught on Gamzee's shirt as he pulled it away, rucking up the hem. Eridan's eyes widened as he caught sight of the brand on Gamzee's stomach; "ketesk". Wisely, he left the room before he found himself tempted to say anything. Gamzee yanked his shirt down and glared at the onlookers, daring them to speak. Karkat mumbled an apology. He had been trying to keep the clothes right where they were, apparently the universe couldn't even grant him that small little assistance. Gamzee shook his head. Karkat took it as "it couldn't be prevented, so it's okay". At least that's what he hoped his internal Gamzee's-odd-gestures-dictionary would translate it too.

"Thank you, Karkat," Kanaya said, her voice slightly terse. "Now, I'll need the clothes."

"No, really?" Karkat hissed under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Come on, I'll form a towel wall for you." Karkat spoke up a little louder and did his best to ignore Kanaya completely. Karkat lifted up the towel, holding it as high as he could so Gamzee could kick off the clothes. All of it was done with surprising speed. Soon enough there was a bundle of clothes on the floor and Gamzee was wrapped up in towels. Karkat handed Kanaya the ball of clothes, and it seemed his turn to receive the cold shoulder. He shrugged and walked back over to Gamzee, who seemed content to curl up in the corner with one towel wrapped around his shoulders, another covering his legs, and the final one over his head and horns like a stupid veil without horn holes.

"Do you—"

"Gamzee," Kanaya spoke over Karkat. "This isn't meant to offend. But I do have two things I would like to ask."

"What, sunnysis?"

"The first is if you might like me to remove this other sigil. I wouldn't presume to replace it with anything, just remove it. The second is more of a concern I have. I notice you have lost quite a bit of weight. And while I'm not concerned if I can alter the clothes, I'm more concerned about your health—"

"To answer the first, remove it. I don't care, the troll it came from is dead anyway. Ain't like she can complain about her sigil being removed. And that second one isn't a question, it was motherfucking rambling."

"Well, there was a question there, which is do you think you might make it to our destination? You seem starved as it is."

"Probably, I don't know. Wouldn't gain much motherfucking weight anyway right now. I still don't have any of my teeth being real."

"Right, yes, I hadn't forgotten that detail. I was merely concerned. Since yo—"

"Don't you got another troll to be concerned for?"

Karkat smirked and nodded at Gamzee. "Do you want to go somewhere else while I bandage up your arm?"

"Might as well stay, the more I move the more I risk. Know what I motherfucking mean? I don't really feel like broadcasting more than I have to."

"Got it. Can I have your arm?" Gamzee shifted underneath the towels and hesitated a moment before offering it up to Karkat. The smaller troll didn't flinch or even blink twice at the word this time. Karkat pulled out bandages and antiseptic.

Gamzee had nearly perfectly traced the word on his arm, making it nearly impossible to avoid looking at. Gamzee's ragged claws couldn't do it as precisely as the knife that was used, but even the original scar was shaky, legible but scratchy. Karkat tried not to look at the word more than necessary as he cleaned off, though it struck him suddenly; having received a gift from the taller troll (a new set of caste limited sickles on his 6th wriggling day) he was familiar enough with Gamzee's handwriting to recognise it. Gamzee had carved the word himself onto his arm.

When they were alone, Karkat would ask about it. Not right now, with at least Kanaya within earshot. Vriska was sitting at the ship's controls, and Equius was messing around with some electronics that Karkat wasn't even going to begin to figure.

"Karkat?"

"Yeah?" Karkat said dabbing off the cleaner with one of the other cloths.

"Can you help me with something?"

"No, I'm afraid that being your moirail means I no longer help you with anything." Karkat sighed. "Of course I can fucking help you with something, what else would I do?"

"Well, you see, when I first met the Empress… to make a long story short she pierced my tongue. So she could leash me up like an animal. My hands are too shaky, and I can't get a good grip on it to pull it out. Could you—"

"Yes."

Karkat removed his hand from Gamzee's arm, leaving the cloth covering the brand; he'd rather have it breathe, but the other trolls in the room were too close. Gamzee opened his mouth, and Karkat didn't wince as he looked at the budding teeth pressing past Gamzee's gums. The taller troll stuck out his tongue and Karkat reached out, fumbling with the tiny balls keeping the bar in his mouth. He had to wipe his fingers on his pants to keep them dry enough to get a grip.

There were a few things that were suspicious, Vriska decided. Karkat's insistence on towels, Gamzee's huddled frame in the corner, and the fact a first aid kit had to be grabbed, but she could overlook that. It wasn't hers to know. It was when Gamzee opened his mouth and Karkat stuck his fingers in she had to look, curiosity nagging her terribly.

She could see the glint of metal, and understood that at some point Gamzee had gotten a barbell through his tongue. She didn't extend a guess as to why, or when. She could vaguely guess, and didn't want much more than that. She looked over the two trolls, and noticed a splotchy purple and white cloth hanging on Gamzee's arm. It wasn't Karkat that had been hurt. How Gamzee managed to get himself injured was a good question, she glanced around the room quickly to see if anyone had noticed her.

Alone in noticing it was the taller troll who was hurt, she was half tempted to ask what happened, but she doubted that would turn out well. Gamzee's arm tensed as Karkat pulled on the jewelry through his tongue. The cloth shifted and she could see what had happened. The whole cut wasn't new, she could see that it had been reopened. Part of the word was scarred and other part cut. She swallowed as she realized it was a word, and realized what the word was. She squirmed guiltily, remembering the time she'd used her powers to force Tavros into an unwanted kiss. He'd forgiven her, though right now she had difficulty understanding why. Much as she missed Spidermom, she was glad that rockslide had happened, and thus Vriska had no longer been required to control victims for her, before she'd got very far into puberty, and that she'd entered a steadying ashen triad with two more ethical trolls soon after; if she'd had any real interest at the time, who knew what she might have done before she knew better?

She cleared her throat, watching as Karkat held the jewelry in his fingers like it was the biggest success of his life. Gamzee gave him a little smile and both of them were talking again, too low for her to hear the words. She swallowed, stepping forward, watching Gamzee move his tongue around, as if it had finally been freed. She felt as if she should apologise. In another life, she could have turned out just as twisted. Even if Gamzee could be pretty spineless and annoying to talk to, that didn't mean she wanted to see her friend dead.

"Hey, uh, Gamzee? I know we didn't talk much, you were more Tavros' friend than mine, but I wanted to say I am really, really sorry this happened. And I'm sorry we didn't get you out sooner."

Gamzee nodded cautiously, wondering what she was planning. No way would Vriska just suddenly be nice, particularly over something like this. He stared at her for a moment, wondering what she was going to do next. He could feel his muscles shifting, getting ready to defend himself. In towels or not, he wasn't going to take any shit; he'd done plenty of that already.

"I mean it, what happened to you is messed up… I can't imagine…" Vriska wanted to sigh, she wasn't that good at doing things like this. The point was everyone should be proud that she tried. She took a breath and decided to try to rephrase herself. "Well, maybe it'll help if you look at it a different way," she said in her best attempt at a kindly tone. "When you're healed up all the way, your scars are gonna be fucking hardcore! Almost as cool as mine, even." She grinned and gave him a double thumbs-up.

Gamzee leapt, and there was a horrible tearing noise followed by a scream, a splatter, and the sound of metal hitting flesh. The others watched in horror as Gamzee raised Vriska's now-detached robotic arm and slammed it against her side once more. He wondered if it would break her ribs or the arm first, and for some reason he couldn't shake how that thought didn't bother him.

"I can give you some new wonderful scars. THEY'LL BE PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING HARDCORE. Don't you think?" Vriska curled away from the blows, trying to pull herself away enough to defend herself, but in her attempts to scoot over she instead found herself running into his leg, and was unable to move it.

"Gam-…zee…" she choked out as her own arm came crashing down on her stomach. She moved her working arm and curled it around his calf. If she had been expecting this fight, it would have gone a lot smoother, and she wouldn't be curled up on the floor trying to make it stop. She'd be kicking the shit out of him for trying to hurt her.

"Gamzee? Gamzee, no!"

Gamzee stopped as Tavros shouted. He looked up, tense and poised to run, and made eye contact. Tavros scurried forward and reached out, then froze, not sure if grabbing Gamzee's hand would make things better or worse.

They stood there for a moment, Tavros' hand hovering just above Gamzee's. The purpleblood dropped his hand and the robotic arm that was in it. He sighed, shaking his head, trying to keep out the cloudy thoughts of rage that seemed stuck in a near-constant hum.

"What the fuck, Gamzee?!" Vriska hissed, regaining her composure and trying to stand, despite her head being fuzzing.

"Just motherfucking vanish your words." Gamzee hissed, kicking the arm towards Vriska's feet. "I don't want to be hearing nothing from you. From any of you. Best to be leaving it where it is."

Kanaya stared at Vriska even as she helped her up. "What in the name of the Mother Grub did you _say_ to him?"

"I was only trying to help!" Vriska scowled and snapped "Bad clown. Very bad clown." Gamzee drew a finger across his throat meaningfully and stalked off. Karkat quickly followed, slightly wide eyed.

Terezi hid a smile. "You know, maybe if you were me having your delicious cherry shoes in your mouth would suck less."

"Fuck you."

_A/N: Ketesk (n.) pail. pl. keteskij_

_Hashaan (n.) a friendly or known beast. pl. Hashannij_

_Lonlun (adj) worthless_

_Muvetir (n.) 1. one who offers 2. derogatory: slut (slang)_

_Jisituni-Rorut: (Obsolete) see Jisituni and Rorut_

_Jisituni (v.) to force someone into a one sided kismesissitude._

_Rorut (n.) toy, puppet, or trinket. pl. Rorutij_


	15. Chapter 15

Sollux detached the helmet, slumped in the empty pilot's seat, and leaned against the control panel, massaging his temples.

"So how is the new rig working?" Aradia asked, pushing the door to and sitting beside him.

"Well, I have a bad headache, but I'm outthide the rig and we're thtill moving and not dead. I think we can thay concluthively that it workth."

"Excellent." Her metal hand went to his belt, while the flesh one brushed his sweaty hair from his eyes. "Perhaps a celebration is in order?"

Sollux chuckled. "I'm more than okay with that."

Seconds later they were kissing, pausing only long enough to strip off both their shirts. He pushed her long skirt right up to her hip with one hand, rubbing her horn base with the other.

"Wait, stop for a moment," she gasped, pulling away and trying to cover herself. "We have company."

"Are you theriouth?" Sollux growled. They had gotten used to being on a tiny ship, but by now usually everyone was busy doing whatever it was they did, and left him and Aradia well enough alone. He glared towards the door, and if he wasn't used to Aradia's typical creepiness he might have asked her how she knew. It was too dark to fully see the troll standing in the gap, but Sollux could see his shadow, standing rigid with nervousness. "GZ, you can't keep doing thith." Sollux groaned. "Don't you have KK and AT that you can bother?"

The figure moved, pushing the door open further to reveal his embarrassed face. Worse than embarrassed, he looked like he'd seen a ghost. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be interrupting anything. Karkat's holding some sort of court with the others in the mess block and Tavros is there too…"

"Tho why come to uth?"

"Karkat said you were okay so I figured I could handle being near you when things got motherfucking difficult," Gamzee mumbled, shuffling his feet.

"Louthy goddamn thtupid betht friend," Sollux muttered.

"I was just trying not be to be near some trolls, then get all stupid… I'll go, sorry again."

Sollux sighed, the mood was very lost, and his head was still hurting, he could feel it more now than ever. He let something drop out of his sylladex and held it out. "Look, if I let you borrow thith, will you go away for like an hour?" He tried to smile ingratiatingly.

Gamzee looked at the object. It was a substitute lusus, known in highblood terms as a "plushie". Other than that, it was unidentifiable; round, yellow, goggle-eyed, and with some appendages which may have been either wings or ears. He looked back at Sollux in confusion.

Sollux sighed. "I got it when I wath a wriggler, don't judge it."

"I won't be judging it, I was just looking at it." Gamzee tucked it away, holding it between both his forearms and his stomach. He looked at the both of them, a little nervous. "Thanks, beebro…I'll be getting out of your hair. I mean it, I didn't mean to be interrupting nothing…" With a little nod the taller troll turned away, still holding onto the strange plushie.

Sollux looked at Aradia, then shook his head. "That wath unique."

He moved to try to hold her again, and she pushed him gently away. "Wait for just a moment. I think I should talk to him."

"What, about not barging in on uth?" Sollux grumbled.

"No, Sollux, but we can bring that up… It's just he's haunted."

"Haunted? You mean he has ghothtth following him?"

"A lot of them, he's had them since he came back. They're sad ghosts though, not angry ones. Which is strange. But we, at least I, should talk to him."

Sollux sighed and handed Aradia her shirt. "Fine, fine. I can wait."

"Gamzee?" Aradia called after him, once she was appropriately clothed. "Come here, we should talk."

It took a moment for Gamzee to return, not a necessarily long one but to Sollux it seemed like it took forever. He wanted this conversation done, and hopefully the two of them would have a bit of time to do something that would help his headache go away.

"Yeah, what do you need, sis?" Gamzee hovered in the doorway as he spoke, keeping himself half in shadows and mostly away from them. Sollux decided this was far creepier than the troll Gamzee used to be. Of course he couldn't really stand to be alone with the sopored-up clown back then.

"I was wondering if you noticed anything odd about yourself," Aradia said. It was obvious she was trying to break the news delicately. Trolls were suspicious and superstitious by nature. It took great leaps to be logical in the face of must unseen matters. Sollux and Aradia were quite used to it themselves, but neither of them knew how Gamzee would respond.

There was a definite silence between all of them. With a sigh, Sollux broke it. "Have you notithed anything odd around you?" He clarified. He wondered if Gamzee was still a slow-processing idiot, or if he'd lost that trait.

"Other than the whole ancestral psychic powers? Not really, no." Gamzee's voice was tense. Almost dark, but he did seem to have a handle on it.

"About that." Aradia looked at a point to Gamzee's left. He turned, but saw nothing. "It seems you brought company with you."

"Company?" Gamzee's eyes darted around quickly, looking for whatever might be around him, mostly worried it was an unwanted eavesdropper listening for the real reason he'd wanted to talk to Sollux. The last thing he wanted was for someone his mind didn't consider friendly to overhear his conversation and start asking questions.

"Yes," Aradia said softly. "Gamzee, it's alright. Look at me." He looked over to his spooky sister. "You can't see them, but they can see you. I can see them, hear them, talk with them…"

"You saying… You're saying I brought my Kin here?"

"They are nodding. Well, a few of them aren't. I don't think I can actually see all of them. But quite a few. They say there are more."

"Sennir… Laneen," Gamzee mumbled, looking around to his right and left, wishing he could see them. Instead he was left with empty air on either side of him, and that cold feeling he hadn't been able to shake since he escaped. At least that might be able to be explained. He hadn't been crazy, or perhaps he had been. The line was so thin now-a-days, it was hard to tell.

"A yellowblood girl and a cerulean boy, yes? Laneen Chaton and Sennir Lilura?" Aradia glanced over the invisible crowd. "Tilorn. Anuios. Keskay. Ukuthe…" The living side of her face was sad. "Some of them are so small, so young…"

Sollux was used to weird around Aradia, but being surrounded by ghosts, that from what he could logically understand were the victims of similar circumstance as Gamzee, seemed to take the cake. He was sure they were around though. As Aradia said names the room seemed to get colder.

"Can they all hear me?"

"Yes, though they have a hard time speaking with you… You're not the right kind of psychic."

"How many are there? I wondered."

"Two thousand, four hundred and sixty, Laneen says," Aradia replied after a moment. Gamzee inhaled sharply. He had known there must be a lot, but the number made it seem more real. "And those are only the ones he bound. Others died too soon."

"They have anything they want to say?"

"'Don't become our Keeper'," Aradia said softly.

Gamzee's muscles tensed, and he cast his eyes around the room. "I'm sorry" he mumbled. It wasn't that loud, but Sollux could pick it up. "Promise I won't, and I'll keep my mind about not finding a Hag… Thanks, spookysis, I couldn't free them but at least they're with me and not with him. It's a consolation prize, but pretty damn nice in comparison. Thanks for telling me."

"No problem, Gamzee, just know, if you feel like you're alone, you're not. Alright?"

"This some subtle way to tell me to stop wandering in on trolls?"

"Yes."

"Heard loud and clear. Just I had a quick question… It's kind of important, but I can ride off if you all want to be motherfucking talking about it later."

"You're already here, you might ath well juth athk."

"So, uh, Sollux. How's your pale thing with Fef going?" Gamzee asked, mock-casually. "Still fine?"

Sollux stared. "Uh. Yeth. Why?"

"N-no reason."

"You haven't taken up AC'th habit of thipping uth, have you?"

"No, I was just wondering… if things like got all changed up while I was out of it."

"Oh. Well, no, we all flipped around for a long time, but FF and I thettled on pale, and AA and I on fluthhed - I gueth you thaw that."

"Good, good. No chance of flipping back?"

"I think KN would be pithed if we did and I thtole her new moirail."

"Oh, oh yeah! Karkat mentioned that. Uh, congrats," Gamzee said, nodding to Aradia. "So, uh, keep it going?"

Sollux frowned. "Are you hitting on one of uth, or athking after FF?"

"No! Fuck no." Gamzee shuddered violently.

"Wow, way to inthult my choiceth." Sollux shook his head. "And me too. You're a great friend, GZ."

"No, it ain't that. It's that since I was all gone, I just wanted to know. Last thing I wanted to be doing is to climb all on and mash up on toes, y'know?"

"I gueth? But you're making leth thenthe than normal, GZ."

"I was just all curious about the relationships of everyone. Don't want to offend any of my warm blooded motherfuckers. See, this motherfucker is trying to be considerate."

"… Thank you?" Aradia said, sounding uncertain, insofar as she ever had any emotion in her voice these days. Gamzee was darkly amused; he knew something the psychic sister didn't. And he'd keep it that way. If Sollux stayed pale with Feferi and he made sure not to screw up with Karkat, maybe he could delay the inevitable, or at least keep it in a less disgusting quadrant. Then again in coming sweeps he'd find himself moirail-less and Feferi would be too, that was the highblood curse. After a time all your quadrants died… Maybe if it came close to passing he'd go on a pilgrimage to the deepest parts of space. If both of them were alone, and still friends, no doubt they would turn into something like that. He shuddered. He'd fake pity or hate and sexual attraction, as long as it stayed out of that quadrant.

"No problem, sis, and I'll leave you on to be doing your business." Gamzee looked over his shoulder briefly, wondering if he could try the rites for the Kin again. He doubted it would work, Suls tended to make things permanent, and he had no idea how to reverse it.

"Thank you, Gamzee."

"Thhut the door behind you." Sollux called after the taller troll's retreating form. He raised a hand to show he heard and the door slid closed. Sollux sighed. "Okay, that'th taken care of. Where were we?"

Aradia's face showed little emotion, as always, but her response was enthusiastic. Once again their tongues entwined, again they separated only long enough to remove clothing. This time it would be perfect…

"Hey, guys, have you seen my- wwhoa!"

"Oh for fuck'th thake! Go away, ED!"

Eridan wrinkled his nose. "Geez, don't make such a fuss, it's not like I'm interruptin' anyfin important."

Sollux psionically picked up Eridan and threw him out of the room. There was a clang as the seatroll's head connected with the wall, and another as the door slammed behind him.

"Thtay out." Sollux's voice echoed around in the hall, despite the door being closed between them. Eridan was too busy rubbing his head trying to stop a headache from coming on. He stomped back to the mess block, grumbling to himself; now had to wander around the rest of the ship until the flight deck was open so he could have his book. All because Aradia and Sollux were too busy being disgusting. He honestly didn't know what anyone saw in that guy. Sollux was more of an asshole then regular trolls. It wasn't like he could have been the only one who had to see that. They could have at least waited until they were someplace a little more private, or maybe taken over one of the bunk blocks. Then no one would have to wander in on that…

Sollux looked at Aradia, a sigh wanting to come out. He rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I uthed to date that guy."

* * *

"Gamzee?" Karkat peered into the bunk block, seeing a purple-and-black shadow in the corner. "Where have you been?"

"Here," came the reply, as Gamzee looked up. "How'd the meeting go?"

"Fine, but I was hoping you'd be there."

"Sorry, Karbro, not really fit to be motherfucking dealing with trolls at the moment." Gamzee unwrapped his arms from the toy and showed it to Karkat. "I got company though, don't you be worrying."

Karkat looked at the plushie. "Oh boy, I'd forgotten about Fusby."

"Fusby?"

"I first met Sollux when we were about two, I took one look at that thing, and I said 'that is one fucking ugly stuffed bee'. It sort of stuck."

"Oh, so it is supposed to be a bee?" Gamzee muttered, squinting at it. "Huh. I did wonder."

"Gamzee," Terezi hissed. The purpleblood seemed like he was asleep, curled on the bunkblock floor, disdaining the metal racks designed to hold the recuperacoons the crew didn't have. Terezi knew better. Gamzee was doing that thing where he lay on the floor, looking asleep, but was just listening to the ship, and the trolls on it working. "Gaamzeee," she repeated, louder.

"What?"

"Can I talk to you."

"You already are."

"I meant really talk to you, I can smell your eyes are closed."

Gamzee sighed, Terezi could sense him move up to sitting. There was a pause, no doubt seeing if this was good enough for a real conversation. Terezi didn't ask him to move more. That really wasn't the point. She just liked it when a troll would look at her when she spoke, she wanted their undivided attention.

"What do you motherfucking want?"

"Listen, Gamz… I know everyone's been saying it. You're probably sick of hearing it by now. And I know it doesn't fix anything. But I'm sorry for what happened. I don't know what's going on in your head, but I thought maybe I could give you something to help."

"That's pretty fucking much a stretch to think that you could be doing anything like it. What would you have done, huh? Given the floor a fresh coat of teal? Anyway, I can't think of nothing that might be given that could all being to help unless it's being a motherfucking time machine."

Terezi sighed and moved her hand to her pocket, pulling out a captchacard. She played with it briefly. He was right; she, like all the other trolls, had no idea how to help him. Her training, reading, and studying did nothing to help her here. She couldn't look to the law for help, she couldn't even tell Gamzee the horrible fate his abusers might receive. Alternian law was just not set up that way. Officially, he was the one who had broken the law by not dying.

"I know." She nodded, messing up her sense of direction. "I just want to give you something to let you know that I'm here for you. I don't think any of us can fully help you, but… Am I facing you?"

"Basically." Gamzee shrugged. Terezi took a deep breath through her nose, looking for the smell of grapes, polka dots, and must. That musty, dirty smell never seemed to leave Gamzee, even after he showered. It was vaguely like blood, and vaguely like someone never cleaned out their cooking hull. It was just something that was always there, making Gamzee nearly smell like rotten grapes. Terezi had the good sense not to mention that to him, no doubt in her mind that it would upset him.

She found him again, turning so she could better face him, and she hoped she was looking at him. She reached out her hand. "I know you're against touching, but can I briefly just so I can actually hand this to you?"

"Okay…?" He let their clawtips brush, just enough to orient her, and something soft dropped from her sylladex into his hand. She'd made good use of the shreds of black cloth Kanaya had cut from his shirt, along with various other scraps. He noticed she'd avoided using any purple. He held the decidedly lumpy scalemate up and blinked at it.

"I thought Sollux might want his bee back at some point, so I made you this instead. Isn't she cute?"

Gamzee sighed. "Terezi, plushies ain't gonna fix everything."

"I know, but I can't think of a better way to get across that I'm on your side."

"You are?" Gamzee was actually stunned.

"I would like you to stop trying to murder our shipmates, but other than that, yes."

"Well, I would have thought with the law and everything you'd be itching for my proper and up all hanging." Gamzee shrugged. "I was weak and I shirked my duty to be removed from the motherfucking gene pool."

"Gamzee, do you seriously expect that you should have been able to do anything more than what you did? What would you say if one of us was in there? Would you expect us to be able to get out easily?"

"Th-that's different…" Gamzee trailed off.

"I can agree that some laws are stupid." Terezi sighed thinking back to the notes she had from her ancestor. "Some laws are for blood, not justice. You're not the strongest or smartest troll I've ever met, but I don't think you need a good lynching. I thought hard on that too, justice can be tricky sometimes. But I've learned there is a difference between justice and law. What is law isn't always just, and what is just isn't always law. They're not interchangeable phrases."

"That's all kinds of surprising to hear you say. I was sure that you'd be after me, been basically avoiding you because any hanging would be slow and drawn out here."

"Believe it or not," Terezi sighed. "Anyway, even if plushies won't fix it… I know when I was a wriggler I used to get scared sometimes. I didn't have anyone but me. I used to imagine that my scalemates would come to life and protect me if things got too bad. Maybe you can do the same thing."

"I can see what you mean."

"Why, why did you phrase it like that? I mean seriously, I'm still blind here. That didn't go away when you were gone."

"My lusus wasn't around either. More around than yours in the physical, but at least yours taught you to see other ways. Mine taught me jack shit. Well, he taught me how to relocate a dislocated bone, but who would have thought that motherfucking knowledge would have use. Only thing he be teaching me, must have known I'd need it later."

"Alright, I was slightly insensitive. Got it, sorry, just explaining the whole thought process behind the scalemate. But that doesn't mean you get to bring up my blindness."

"Sorry, sis, didn't mean to get any hurting about your lack of ability to see. I mean that, I ain't got any problems with you. 'Specially now that I'm knowing you ain't going to drop me from some gallows. Believe it or not, I'm pretty sure I still like being alive."

"Apology accepted. I'm glad you can talk through some things… You know, Gamz, maybe you should try that more often."

"Talk through shit?"

"Yeah, might be more conducive to helping you than the other crap you're doing. Right now you're trying to act out the sentence without the trial. You should do some interrogation first. Or something. Maybe you want to replace that metaphor with one a little more you. You're mostly just really depressing to be around. Worse than Aradia right after her accident. I understand, but I'm not one to walk on eggshells and you're such a downer."

"Sorry, I guess…"

"It's just like, geez, Gamz is such a downer these days. I'm almost missing that doesn't-give-a-shit about anything asshole who sopored himself up to the metaphorical gills."

"I think that Gamzee died. It was pretty graphic too, I'm sure it would have been a pretty nice crime scene for you. Good thing you weren't there though. Still, he's pretty much motherfucking dead and I don't think he'll ever be making a chance at getting to resurrection."

"Well, we should probably find out, instead of just thinking. If he shows back up the whole ship is going to get confused. Which one is the real Gamzee? How do we tell?"

"I suddenly having the feeling that's being more deep than it seems."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't." Terezi shrugged. She reached forward slowly, trying to not touch Gamzee but at the same time pat the new scalemate on the head. "Take care of her, she can help protect you. It's a dragon after all and dragons are really good at protecting."

"Got it."

"You should name her," Terezi said, patting the plushie one more time for good measure.

"Guess I should, since you're the maker of all of them you must know the way that this is going." Terezi smiled. She could sense Gamzee looking over the plushie, and she was almost one hundred percent positive he was starting to think up names.

"But seriously, Gamzee, just do me one favour? Leave Equius and Eridan alone. They said something stupid, but they aren't the ones who did this. If hurting them would make this not have happened to you I'd be right there holding them down, but it won't. Quit it."

Gamzee's hackles rose. "Maybe it won't, but it makes me feel a lot motherfucking better."

"Does it really?"

"Not a lot, but nothing does."

"Then maybe you're going about it the wrong way? I'm not saying you aren't entitled to a little revenge. Sometimes a troll just needs to dish out a little revenge. But really we've done that ridiculously complicated revenge plot already. I don't want a repeat. Maybe you should just keep your distance until you get your anger under control."

"I don't think I'm going to be able to control it no more. Sopor controlled it before, I never did. Thought I learned to keep it, but nope, that was all a lie too. Now, I'm just fucking fucked up at trying, you understand?"

"No, and I don't think I ever will. It's not my burden to carry. We all have one, Gamz, tthe type of troll one is depends on how they hold it up. It's my burden to bring justice, it's not easy. Justice left me blind. You'll find your purpose, and perhaps whatever it is is why you went through what you did. Fate has a way of molding a troll so they'll do its will."

"I'm one of superstition, don't get me motherfucking wrong, but fate can't have no reason to be putting anyone through that. Not me, not the Kin. I mean, fate might have had a plan for one or two, I'd give it that motherfucking leniency, but two-thousand-four-hundred-sixty different trolls? I guess I should say two-four-six-one since I might not be dead, but I'm just as much there. You gonna tell me fate was being making with motherfucking them?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I'm not an expert on fate. Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. Maybe their fate is forever connected to yours. Maybe whatever fate has planned for you stretches back to when the first one fell? Fate isn't bound to space or time. It's a separate entity that knows and sees all."

Gamzee sighed. "Y'know, maybe you're being right. But still."

"Just think about it, okay?"

"What would you name her?" Terezi almost got whiplash from how fast Gamzee changed the topic of conversation. She tilted her head down, hopefully looking at where the plush was generally. She could feel Gamzee staring at her, and she would have been lying if she said it didn't slightly unnerve her.

"I don't know.. Something with patches, she's yours you should name her."

"I like Patches. I ain't no good with names, only names that be coming to mind are names of dead trolls. That is being too many names to up and put on just one scalemate. But Patches. I like it."

Terezi smiled a little bit. "Well, if you like it. It can be her name. Patches." The air shifted around, all she could assume had Gamzee nodded. "Will you think about it?"

"Think about leaving the two of them alone?" Gamzee sighed. "Yeah, I'll put my motherfucking thinking about it." Terezi held in her sigh; from that tone of voice it wasn't high on his priorities list. He'd, maybe, think about it later. "Make sure I don't kill them as long as my mind stays with me, I shouldn't be hurting them too serious either. Made that promise, I don't want to really hurt them, just hurt them enough I can thank them for their wonderful motherfucking advice. You get it, lawsis?"

"Not really, I don't think any of us will ever get it. All I know is I miss my dopy, unfazable friend. I know he's gone, but I don't know about the person walking around in his skin." Terezi shook her head. "It seems like he's going to let a couple assholes ruin his life. Not stand up for himself. But I guess it's his choice."

Gamzee made a motion to speak back but Terezi was already walking away. She didn't want to argue, but she wasn't going to let Gamzee just get away without hearing her opinion. Maybe what she said would help, maybe not. But at least she tried.

* * *

**(With thanks to Brainbent for the Fucking Ugly Stuffed Bee.)**


	16. Chapter 16

A siren sounded, knocking the entire ship out of a sound sleep. Everyone jerked to their feet, shouting and searching frantically for the fire.

"Don't panic, don't panic!" Equius yelled over the din, raising his hands in a request for calm. "Don't worry, it's all under contro-"

"Aaack!"

Equius noticed the weight on the back of his head and turned enough to realise Eridan was dangling behind him, trying to get his feet under himself. Closer inspection proved that the seadweller's scarf had been tied firmly to the ends of Equius' hair, and had been pulled tight when Equius stood up suddenly.

Equius noticed the weight on the back of his head and turned enough to realise Eridan was dangling behind him, trying to get his feet under himself. Closer inspection proved that the seadweller's scarf had been tied firmly to the ends of Equius' hair, and had been pulled tight when Equius stood up suddenly.

Gamzee was on the other side of the room, noticeably close to the fire alarm, humming innocently.

Karkat rushed to turn off the alarm, then turned to Gamzee and massaged his own temples. "Gamzee, when I told you to stop threatening to fuck them, I did not mean you should start actually attempting to kill them. What part of 'I want everyone to reach the new planet alive' is not getting through to you?"

"Didn't kill them or even try to do it. Just making them stick together. Easier to track them that way." It was hard to tell if Gamzee was smirking, or if it was a trick of his scars. Judging by the tone of his voice, it was likely he was smirking.

Equius lowered himself down so Eridan's feet could touch the floor. They would require assistance to get out of this bind and neither of the two trapped were sure if anyone would help them. Kanaya stepped forward, shaking her head.

"Gamzee, I think we all understand you're frustrated, but don't you think this is taking it to an extreme? You could have easily broken Eridan's neck or strangled him." Kanaya first pulled the scarf from around Eridan's neck, and began to untangle it from Equius' hair. "You need to learn to get your frustrations out in a healthier manner."

"This is healthier. Better than what the other parts of me are thinking. They are hard to ignore, I be listening to the words of getting us all there alive. If I ain't be listening to them, you'd all up and forget either of them were ever our friends. It'd be easy to, both of them sleep so soundly…"

"Gamzee," Kanaya started. "Please."

"Please what? I all know how my story ends. I get how I will become after some sweeps. It isn't going to be a shock either. One day I'll wake up and I know what I'll be. Hopefully by then most of you'll be dead and gone, if not I know the first things that will happen…" Gamzee sighed. "Nevermind, forget I said anything, just go about your lives. I'll make sure there ain't even a pinch of risk in them getting their dead to happen."

Kanaya sighed. "I suppose that's better than nothing."

"Gamzee," Karkat said, grabbing onto the purpleblooded troll's wrist, then quickly moving his hand away. Karkat was getting frustrated by this lack of ability to touch him and console him. "I'm not too happy with them either, but you can't keep doing things that can kill them. Just try to find another way to get your anger out."

"Karkat is right. If you need help, go to him," Nepeta said. "I'll help if I can, but it's really his job."

"Of course, should he be unavailable, I would be willing to offer help," Kanaya said sweetly, earning a glare from Karkat.

Gamzee's brow wrinkled. "Hey, why are you acting so motherfucking jealous, sunnysis? You already have a moirail, and I didn't think you even liked me much."

"Please leave me out of this," Aradia said, blankly as always. "If Kanaya wants to help you I'm okay with it."

"I am not jealous! I merely thought your new relationship could use some assistance in spreading its metaphorical wings, particularly considering the difficult circumstances."

"Yeah, well, for now it's quite happy in its metaphorical nest," Karkat said, scowling.

After dinner it was time for that conversation, one of the other trolls would bring up something. More often than not it was Eridan or Equius, they said the wrong thing and all the trolls would be back to wondering if all of them were really going to make it to this other planet alive. Of course, that was usual. Tonight was a little different. Eridan and Equius were busy minding their own business. Karkat and Gamzee were tucked away into the corner chatting in low tones.

The other trolls were settling in, waiting until they were all tired enough to sleep, when a yelp jarred them from all of their individual thoughts. They quickly looked around for the source of the noise. Seeing Gamzee drawn back against the wall, paler than usual, explained the source very quickly.

"Whatever did you do, Karkat?" Kanaya asked, but it sounded more like a demand.

"Nothing, I just sort of forgot something briefly. I'm sorry, Gamzee, it won't happen again."

"Not that I don't want to get normal with you, but just warn me next time. I ain't too good with surprises or any of the likes."

There was silence for a moment. Everyone in the room was almost certain that it was going to be a quiet evening, before there was a little cough, and clearing of the throat. Eridan looked away from the book he had brought and over to the two trolls in the corner.

"You knoww Gam, I get it. I get that you don't wwant to be touched. Or really talk about it. No one wwants to."

"It's a bit motherfucking late for help or you trying to sympathize with me."

"Gam, howw many times do I hawe to say I'm sorry for you to beliewe it?"

"It ain't a matter of sorry motherfucker. This is consequences to your actions. You fucked me over, I get to fuck you over. Makes perfect sense to this motherfucker."

"You've done plenty, can't wwe just call it ewen? Come on, Gam, it could hawe been wworse, you could hawe died or somethin'. You're here noww, can't you just get ower it?"

"It'd be smart for you to seal up your mouth parts and keep them that way. You ain't wanting to be saying these things to me. You won't like the motherfucking consequences."

"Eridan, what part of 'do not taunt the murderous clown' did you not pick up from Mindfang's diary?" Vriska sighed. "One ruined page wasn't enough to lose that message."

"Says you," Terezi said quietly, earning a scowl.

Eridan rolled his eyes, ignoring them. "Okay, sorry, didn't mean to offend you, but come on. Can't wwe get on wwith our lives already?"

"You're still talking. Why are you still motherfucking talking?"

"I'm tryin' to end this," Eridan said indignantly. "Unlike some trolls, I actually wwant us to be a team again. Hard to do wwhen one member of the group wwants to kill you."

"Eridan, can you just shut up and accept your platonic hate in peace? Until it passes, if it passes," Vriska groaned, leaning against the control panel.

"I'm serious! Sorry, didn't mean to hawe you get hurt. I couldn't help it if I didn't understand wwhat adwice you needed."

"Okay, Eridan, you've vented your frustrations, now shut up and let us all spend the rest of the daybreak in peace. Your problem hasn't changed, and Gamzee's lack of caring hasn't changed. So, we're at another stalemate. Glad that's over."

"Come on, Kar, I'm trying to apologise. Sorry it happened, but wwhat you needed help wwith sounded stupid. You can't blame me for not taking you ser-"

"Sounded 'stupid', did I? I'LL SHOW YOU MOTHERFUCKING STUPID…"

After a brief tussle and a lot of shouting, Eridan found himself with his horn lodged under a panel in the ship's wall and Gamzee straddling his legs. He tried to free himself, then froze as he realised Gamzee was unbuttoning his shirt. He swallowed, squeezed his eyes shut, and parted his legs as far as he could with Gamzee's knees in the way, sniffling "Fuck, I kneww this wwas comin'. J-Just get it ower wwith, okay?"

Karkat stared in horror. "Gamzee? Gamzee, no! You promised me you wouldn't-"

"Please, Karbro, you couldn't pay me enough to stick my bulge in this loser."

"I don't know what you're planning, but I know this won't be good. Please don't hurt him."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna be hurting the squishy little fishy," Gamzee crooned, strumming down across Eridan's gillflaps lightly with his fingertips, then up with the flats of his claws, making the seatroll shiver. "I ain't even gonna be leaving a mark…" With a wicked grin, he attacked in earnest.

Karkat moved to run forward, then stopped as Eridan's agonised shriek turned into shrill bubbly giggles. He gaped. "… Okay, what the fuck is he doing and should we be stopping him?"

"Ah." Equius rubbed his neck nervously. "Remember I said he mentioned roughhousing which hurt? I may have omitted the exact nature of such. Of course this was before anything more damaging happened, so we just thought…" He looked at Karkat's face, then the expressions of the others, and blustered "Well, would you have taken him seriously if he said that?"

"…Possibly not," Karkat admitted. "I'm not sure whether to stop him or applaud him for finding something non-lethal to do."

"Okay, Gam, you prowed your point, noww you can st-" Eridan's words were interrupted by a scream as he lost control again.

Vriska smirked. "I'm sure Eridan would prefer you stopped him, but when did we ever listen to him?"

Gamzee rolled off Eridan and turned around, giving him a breath's respite before running his claws up Eridan's thigh and over his hipbone. Eridan squealed and drew his legs up, which proved to be a mistake when Gamzee wrapped an arm around his legs and pulled off his shoes. Eridan's screams reached a new pitch as claws met flesh again, his own claws almost sending up sparks against the floor as he thrashed frantically, and Gamzee grinned.

"Well, ain't this just the most MOTHERFUCKING ADORABLE THING?"

Between laughs, Eridan gurgled and choked out something that sounded like "can't breathe".

"I know," Gamzee cooed, looking over his shoulder so he could make eye contact. "MOTHERFUCKING HURTS, DON'T IT? Mess up your breathing long enough and it rots your thinkpan, you know, but then FOR THAT TO BE A PROBLEM YOUR THINKPAN WOULD HAVE TO ACTUALLY MOTHERFUCKING WORK." He punctuated the last word with a sharp pinch to the sensitive webbing. "Less fun than you thought, huh? YOU CAN'T BREATHE, I'm all up in your personal space, AND IF YOU COMPLAIN YOU'LL ONLY SOUND LIKE A CRY-GRUB. Won't break you on its own, no, BUT IT SURE AS FUCK GETS INTO THE CRACKS. But the real point is that it also means THAT IT'LL HURT A MOTHERFUCKING LOT MORE when I do THIS!"

Still gripping Eridan's ankle, Gamzee stood up and spun back around. Before anyone could move, his foot came down with an audible thud, followed rapidly by another high-pitched scream, then silence.

Gamzee chuckled darkly. "Maybe the old bastard had a point. That really is funny when it isn't happening to me." He dropped Eridan's ankle and walked away, whistling.

Terezi shook her head. "I can't decide if that was really funny or just disturbing."

"Actually, seeing Eridan in pain is kind of hot. Brings back a lot of good memories."

"Vriska, shut up."

Eridan managed to free his horn and sit up straight, taking off his tear-fogged glasses and trying not to put pressure on his groin in the process, and gasped out "Equ, if you're gettin' off on this, you're fuckin' dead."

"Trust me, Ampora, none of my personal fantasies will ever involve you in any capacity."

"… Yeah wwell you suck."

* * *

"I don't know why you're complaining, it's hardly the first time you've been kicked in the seedflap and I doubt it'll be the last. It certainly won't be if you keep bothering me."

"Aw, c'mon, Kar, there's no glubbin' wway he's going to stop noww! That wwas just testing the wwaters, noww he knowws he can get away wwith shit it'll get much wworse! You'we gotta do somefin!"

"He was right. You do sound like a cry-grub."

Eridan's eyes started to water behind his glasses. "Please? I thought wwe wwere friends!"

"I put up with you when we were wrigglers because you were too much of a wuss to tell Feferi you wanted to flip quadrants and find a less dysfunctional moirallegiance. That does not make us friends now."

"Kar, please, I told him I'm sorry! I really didn't knoww!"

Karkat grabbed Eridan's collar and snarled into his face "Listen, Eridan, do you think 'sorry' would make everything better if that happened to you? Do you think words would fix anything?"

"They'd help!" Eridan's lip trembled. "I said I didn't knoww, he didn't knoww, can't wwe both just leawe it in the past? I can't take this much longer, I swwear he's gonna kill me! Glub."

"Stop glubbing at me," Karkat sighed. "I'm pretty sure he's not actually going to kill you and he said he's definitely not really going to do that. Just deal with it for now. It's not like he can do anything to you that's worse than being you already was."

"You knoww, I'd mind less if he wwas at least pullin' the same shit on Equius, but nooo, he barely fuckin' touched him…"

"Gamzee's angry, not stupid, and he assures me he's not suicidal."

"Are you sure you can't stop him?"

"If I could, I still wouldn't. I'm not your fucking auspistice, and I'm not inclined to be charitable anyway."

"Wwell fuck you too," Eridan snarled. "I shoulda just stayed wwith the fleet. I wwas happy there till you screwwed eweryfin up!"

"'Happy'? You pissed off the wrong person and wound up under block-arrest while being investigated for theft and unlawful prostitution! If we hadn't got you out of there you'd be dead!"

"At least it wwoulda been quicker than Gam's gonna do it!"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll talk to him. Gamzee!"

Gamzee looked round at the mention of his name. "What?"

"If you make the fish bleed, you have to mop it up."

"He's damn wwell not cleanin' up wwhere I'm bleedin' from noww!" Eridan shielded his groin and glared at Gamzee. "I hate you so much."

"It could have been worse, brinesucker," Gamzee hissed, pointing to his facial scars. "Howsabout I make you smile this way instead?"

Eridan backed away slowly, trembling.


	17. Chapter 17

Gamzee couldn't remember the last time he'd slept. Really slept, not passed out, or dozed for a couple of minutes before jerking awake in terror. They'd been on the ship three weeks now, and every one of the days had mostly been spent lying awake, staring at the ceiling or watching Karkat sleep. Adorable as his little palebro was when he snored, that didn't really help the dizzy, queasy feeling that was setting in. Gamzee hadn't dared sleep, but he was now prepared to risk it. Hivemind or memory nightmares, whatever came into his head couldn't be worse than dying from lack of sleep, and he'd faced hell before and got through it, so he had no reason to be afraid of imaginary monsters now.

He curled up in the corner, out of the way, as Karkat and Sollux spread charts over the control panel and bickered amicably over them. Friendly voices in the background would help. He clung stubbornly to his two newly-acquired plushies, not caring that he could be seen; nobody would have a worse opinion of him than they did already because of that. He yawned and closed his eyes, as near to content as he had been in months. Yeah, this might make him feel better..

"Highbl- Makara? Is it appropriate for me to call you that?"

One very angry purple eye opened.

"Zahhak. Either you're here to tell me the ship's on motherfucking fire for real, or you're going to go the fuck away."

"I-I apologise for disturbing you. I was wondering if I might take a moment of your time, to attempt an apology for what I said."

"You've motherfuckin' wasted a minute, I still ain't accepting, now motherfucking get on to another part and send yourself away from my motherfucking sight."

"Please, let me at least try to apologise. I understand my error did cause you grief." Equius tried his best to stay cordial, though he was pretty sure Gamzee was swearing more than normal just to get under his skin. Attempting to stave off any frustration with the purpleblooded troll was difficult enough, without the added bonus of his perverted use of words.

Gamzee sighed. "Fine, make it quick." Was enough time alone to sleep too much to ask for, or at least a break? His head wasn't enough there to really tell Equius all his thoughts, or try to engage him in a fight. He just wanted to sleep. The pause between them spread out long and was getting unbearable. "Well, you gonna speak, motherfucker, or just stare at me more?"

"Forgive me, I was collecting my words. I understand your anger. I also understand that my words did nothing to help you. For that I apologise. However," Equius took a breath, "you must understand, even on your best days, I have a hard time understanding you. I think some type of remedial course might be necessary for you to type with any coherence. I didn't understand what you were implying, and I feel as if it is unfair for you to react so badly to that."

Gamzee raised an eyebrow, moving his arms so the plushies stayed on the ground but he could pull himself up to better look at the blueblooded troll. Was Equius kidding? When there was another length of silence that gated on his nerves. Gamzee nodded. "Alright, and?"

"It's not entirely my fault for what I said. Since I couldn't understand you I could only assume what you needed assistance with." Gamzee let his weight sag on his arms. He held in shaking his head, and just laying back down to ignore the other troll. "In the moment I could only assume it would be something you wanted, since it would have been an honor. I know now, that it was not. I'm not implying that it was, I'm saying it would have been. Honestly, I apologise for the pain my error in words caused. All of this is so overly complicated for no true reason I can see. Perhaps, a bit of the circumstance is my error." Equius took a moment to breathe, though it was obvious his thought wasn't done. "You see, Makara, all three of us, Ampora, you, and myself had our own set of challenges with conscription. Like Ampora, loath as I am to admit it, I had my own set of outside influences. I had been stressing out, and working overtime to prove my worth, and to get to what I wanted to do. I'm sure you can understand. I never really had extra time, and I was a bit distracted when we spoke, I was in the middle of work." Equius shrugged.

"So," Gamzee said slowly. "Let me make sure I'm being wrapping this up in understanding right. You were too busy to-"

"It wasn't that I was too busy, it is that I was distracted. Conscription was extremely difficult. Full of surprises, but very hard. It was as if I was constantly pulled in many directions. I, unlike Ampora, was not cowering in my block from any type of allegation. Instead, I was constantly busy, trying to keep my strength about myself, trying to get the work assigned completed in time, on top of extra practice to make sure I could still shoot once my medical training was done. My mentor wasn't ruthless, but he had a high level of expectation, and he was quite fond of singling me out. I do not know if it was because he expected me to continue to better myself, or if he he found something about me amusing. It was difficult, and I'm sure you can understand that. As I said, I was distracted. I bet you are quite exhausted of hearing that. Though I know you understand that the universe doesn't drop everything for you, as you are not the only creature in its domain. You can't expect that when you spoke with us that we would have dropped everything."

"No, I'm understanding you loud and clear motherfucker. Now, if you can't get into any motherfucking mind. I need to sleep, or try so if you can just vanish and get gone that would be great."

"I'm surprised you're accepting this apology so easily."

"I never said shit about accepting any of your poison words. I got better motherfucking sense in my mind then to be listening to your motherfucking excuses. I just am done humoring your little words, and having you think anyone will give any care to your hopeless speak. I still ain't full of any type of accepting. Now get the motherfuck away from me."

"Honestly, Makara, I understand that you're suffering but being rude is hardly going to help."

Gamzee barked out a laugh, and was on his feet in one smooth motion. "Don't you fucking get it? I don't care why you didn't help. I don't need your motherfucking excuses. I already know you didn't help because you're a fucking moron. THIS IS _NOT MOTHERFUCKING ABOUT YOU!"_

"I never said this was about me. I was merely apologising. If you're not going to accept it that is acceptable. It's your choice, however rudeness will not be tolerated."

"Then, before I get any ruder, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME."

Equius barely contained his snarl at Gamzee. He shook his head and sighed. "Then if you are going to be that way, I'll leave you be. For the record, it's much better to ask for what you want then yell at someone to do it." Equius moved away from the purpleblooded troll, not looking back, though he could feel Gamzee's eyes follow him as he moved to another portion of the room.

Gamzee was nearly panting, his head aching, and he just wanted to sleep. Now it seemed like that was going to be an impossibility. Nervous energy was skittering along his limbs. Gamzee would have cried in frustration if it would have helped and didn't make his head hurt any more. He had learned that lesson a few times; crying didn't help, nor did it do anything to improve a headache.

He could hear Equius speak to Sollux, and he couldn't stop the way his whole body twitched. He looked to the blueblooded troll. Even if he and Sollux had worked together beforehand Gamzee could still see traces of that condescending look in Equius' eyes, one that said he was speaking to someone lower than himself. His fists balled at his sides.

"Equius." He tried to keep his voice steady, though he could hear it shake, the dark half of himself inching toward the surface and clawing at his vocal chords. He took a breath, as the group Equius was speaking to looked towards him. Karkat looked worried. Sollux's eyebrow was arched, and Equius just looked confused. Gamzee fought a smirk as the words came to him immediately. "Strife with me."

Every troll in the room went quiet and looked towards them. Gamzee hadn't even noticed when all of them arrived. Maybe he got a little sleep and just missed it. That counted. More sleep could wait.

"What?"

"If you don't fight back I'm gonna motherfucking kill you whether I mean to or not. I order you to strife with me."

Eridan turned tail and ran, and the group heard the storage block door slam. Equius ignored him, not breaking eye contact with Gamzee.

"Not in here!" Sollux shouted, trying to keep the pleading tone out of his voice. "You'll break thomething!"

"Then where else could you be motherfucking thinking both of us could be doing this motherfucking business?" Gamzee said, not pulling his stare away from Equius. "Also, then all you being sure that no one ends up dead, ain't that the motherfucking bargain?"

"I'm theriouth, GZ, if you break anything here we're thcrewed. You could alwayth vacate ED from thtorage, or use one of the bunk blockth. But not next to the equipment that ith keeping uth going in the away directhion from the empire."

"Hi-... Ga-... Makara," Equius said, "I will follow you where you wish to fight." The purpleblooded troll's mouth curled into a half-hearted, but fully evil smile. "Captor does have a point. However, we must be slightly careful, neither of us need to break through the ship. On the list of deaths I could have, imploding has never been high on it."

"Sure, sure." Gamzee licked his stubby fangs until they gleamed. "No sense in anyone else ending up dead." Eyes still on Equius, he moved carefully towards the door. "Bunk block? Nothing too motherfucking breakable in there."

"Just bunks," Equius said, following Gamzee's lead towards the door. The other trolls on the flight deck looked at each other. They had half-expected Equius to refuse, or Gamzee to chicken out, but there they were leaving, to go fight. Karkat looked at Nepeta.

"We should probably be at the ready, just in case. Those two might actually break a wall or something."

Gamzee backed into the bunkblock, tense and prepared to lunge or dodge, until his spine pressed against the wall. Equius stood in the doorway, unmoving, glaring, as the others gathered at a safe distance down the corridor.

"Your move, high- Makara."

Gamzee looked him up and down, checking for weak spots. He took a step forward, then another, then ran and launched himself claws-first at the blueblood's eyes. The movement was sudden, but not fast enough Equius couldn't slide to the side and dodge the blow. Gamzee growled and turned so he could face Equius. He shifted enough to look like he was going to lunge again, watching as Equius' posture tensed, readying himself for the dodge.

"Are you just going to toy with me, or are you going to fight?" Equius asked slowly.

Gamzee held in another growl. "I don't give up on fighting so easily. I'll be doing it, just motherfucking watching you."

"I understand, no need to rush. No doubt the extra time is crucial for you to understand what's going on."

Gamzee lunged, his claws not truly sharp but still they made little cuts along Equius' cheek, just an inch shy of his eye, before he smacked Gamzee's hand away. The purpleblooded troll didn't stop, bringing his leg forward and slamming his knee into Equius' stomach. It hurt Gamzee as much as it hurt Equius, but the sudden gasp of air and Equius' now doubled-over posture was a fitting reward to the throbbing in his knee.

Equius swiped, landing an open palm on Gamzee's still sore ribs. It didn't hurt as much as Gamzee would have expected it to. Still, he could feel his breath get caught, and another hit landed on his diaphragm. Not a fist, just open-handed slaps that stung more than throbbed. Painful as it was, Equius was restraining himself; he'd learned better control, thanks to Nepeta. If he had been going all-out, Gamzee would already have been dead.

Gamzee ignored the pain and slammed his fist against Equius' cheek. His hand lit up in agony, but Equius apparently felt it just as much. The blueblooded troll was touching his cheek, looking shocked. Gamzee took it as an opportunity, deciding that the pain his fists might feel would be worth it. His claws didn't do much damage, they were too short to truly hurt. He kept hitting, scratching, and if Equius was close enough he'd snap his jaw attempting to bite the other troll.

Equius looked and acted truly confused by the way Gamzee fought. It wasn't a strife to alleviate anger. It was a strife without honor. It was a fight to injure another. Equius tried to keep his head about him, unwilling to truly hurt Gamzee. Instead, he wanted to allow the highblood a proper venue to alleviate his stress. But Gamzee's intent, and lack of making this seem as if it was safe, was getting to him.

Gamzee grabbed onto Equius' horns, jamming his knee into the blueblood's diaphragm, causing his breath to come out in a painful hiss. Gamzee had a smile then, a hollow one, a mocking one. "You know what, Equius? Do you suppose I should just motherfucking off you?"

"You wouldn't, this ship still needs me."

"Sollux can cover what you haven't all fixed yet." Equius shook his head, a legitimate fist landing on Gamzee's thigh, though Equius wasn't so worked up that he'd actually break Gamzee's leg. The purpleblooded troll barely doubled over. "Or I could make you all kinds of tolerable. Hoodoo you into the pits of oblivion. Make you a little puppet. Works well on bluebloods I hear. They like being little marionettes of the the higher castes."

For the first time Equius heard Gamzee say the phrase "higher castes" as if it meant something. Equius would have assumed he would have been elated on this day; instead it made his stomach roll in discomfort. He had to physically shake himself to rid himself of the feeling. Gamzee was right, it was an honor to serve the higher castes...

He made his displeasure known by giving Gamzee another open-handed slap against the stomach. It wasn't as bad as if he had punched him, but now Gamzee hissed out air. "I don't particularly wish to be your puppet, highblood." Gamzee growled, and if Equius thought he fought without honor before, this was something far deeper. Gamzee looked almost feral as he jumped onto Equius' chest. The surprise was enough to knock the blueblooded troll into the wall behind him, the metal bending under his weight, threatening to break with every punch Gamzee delivered to Equius' face.

"What did I say?" Each word was punctuated with a fist. "DON'T MOTHERFUCKING CALL ME THAT. Is that too difficult to understand? YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." It took Equius a moment to get his senses about him and begin to defend, though he could already feel his cheek, eye, and nose swelling, blue blood dripping from his eyebrow and splattering on the purpleblood's own bleeding knuckles. "I'll motherfucking kill you. MOTHERFUCKING FUCK UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. Make you beg for death. PLEAD FOR IT. Beg me on your hands and knees."

Equius raised a hand and slapped Gamzee across the face, the force making Gamzee nearly fly off his place on Equius' chest and slam against the empty bunks. It took the purpleblood only a moment before was on all fours, growling. Gamzee turned slowly to face Equius from his position on the floor. Poised, in a position Equius' recognized from Nepeta. Gamzee was prepared to pounce.

"AIN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT? To crawl on your hands and knees in front of me. MOTHERFUCKING PROSTRATED LIKE THE WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT YOU ARE. Do I got to find something to motherfucking motivate you to kneel?" Gamzee's eyes flashed towards the door, and Equius felt his blood boil. "OR WILL YOU JUST KNEEL, MOTHERFUCKER?"

"I wouldn't kneel to a desperate pathetic wriggler throwing a narcissistic tantrum because he couldn't fend off one or two trolls."

Gamzee growled and lunged and Equius grabbed his wrist, clutching onto it tightly, and glared at Gamzee. It wouldn't be too hard to teach him a lesson; quite out of rank, but it would be simple. He just needed to apply a bit more pressure.

"You would have been invaluable to the Empire. BUT WHY DON'T YOU TRY ANOTHER JOB ON?" Gamzee hissed. Equius could see the worry in the purpleblood's eyes. "Go fucking kill yourself."

"Not all of us are as worthless as you. I have better things to do then listen to your poor psychological game. Are we finished?" Gamzee growled, pushing himself closer to Equius twisting his left wrist uncomfortably in the blueblood's grip, the bones grinding again.

"I WANT TO CUT CHUNKS OUT OF YOUR FACE. Make your moirail cook and eat them. WHILE YOU'RE STILL BREATHING AND FUCKING WATCHING."

"Leave Nepeta out of our petty squabbles." Equius added more pressure and he watched Gamzee flinch. "If you're angry with me then I'll allow it. She is an innocent." Gamzee pressed closer, and Equius couldn't help the discomfort it created. "Just because you are a deplorable wriggler who should have probably been culled doesn't mean you get a free ride to be rude to everyone here. You're a miserable excuse for troll, and if I didn't respect Vantas in any measure I would kill you without remorse. You intolerable, repulsive sack of skin. If I hadn't seen the scars I would assume you lied about the whole thing for attention. Then again you might have given them to yourself. Desperate as you are."

"I want you to hurt like you made me hurt." Gamzee whispered. Equius couldn't help but feel like a sudden stranger to this conversation, though he knew that Gamzee was speaking to him. "I'LL MAKE YOU MOTHERFUCKING SUFFER." Gamzee twisted his other arm and slammed his thumb into Equius' eye. In desperation Equius released Gamzee and kicked the purpleblood away from him. Luckily Gamzee had missed his glasses and instead went under them.

Gamzee attempted to dodge back, tripping over his own feet, breathing labored as the back of his head hit the floor, his head fuzzy for only a moment before he let out a gasp as Equius' foot landed on his stomach. Gamzee's sad excuses for claws curled around Equius' ankle and tore into flesh, aiming for ligaments. Not deep enough for long term damage, even if that's what he wanted.

He tried to st up, and couldn't. Equius' hands were huge, and Gamzee's neck was now pinned to the floor by one, pressure gradually increasing. He reached up and clawed frantically at the hand until lukewarm blue trickled over his throat, but couldn't move it. Equius was breathing hard, sweat pattering onto Gamzee's face as the blueblood loomed over him. "Are you finished now?"

Gamzee only redoubled his efforts. He was back on the subjugglator ship, pinned again, about to be torn open, helpless. In his eyes blue turned to purple and the angry glare became a lustful grin. Someone was screaming; from the pain in his throat, it might have been himself.

"Stop! Equius, please, stop!"

A girl's voice, shrill and frightened. Gamzee tried to place it. Oxygen rapidly disappearing from his head, he spluttered out the first name that came to mind.

"L-Laneen?"

Then the pressure was off his neck, Equius was standing up and looking at his bleeding hands as if they had come to life and strangled Gamzee on their own. Nepeta was leaning over Gamzee; it was she who had spoken, not the ghost. His throat felt on fire, and his chest and stomach were churning horribly.

"Gamzee?" Nepeta asked slowly, Karkat's face appearing right beside hers.

"Are you okay?" Karkat asked. Gamzee tried to nod, but that just made his head feel even lighter. Instead, he settled for blinking at Karkat. He watched Karkat look over to Nepeta, and then back to Equius. "He said strife, not kill."

"I had no intention of killing him." Equius' voice tried to sound stable but he couldn't get rid of the shaking. "I really had no intention."

"Could have fooled me. If Nepeta hadn't yelled when she did, he would be dead."

"I'm sure he wouldn't have been..." Equius' voice was still shaking. "He's obviously quite resilient."

Karkat stared at Equius. "Are you being serious right now? Because I can't honestly tell if that comment was serious or a hilariously poor attempt at lightening the mood. I'm pretty sure you're still the moronic spongedead primitive pustulefuck I know and am somehow semi-friends with, meaning you're serious. Equius, just stop, you're being excessively cruel. Gamzee, can you ta- I mean are you okay?" Karkat bit his lip, proud of himself for catching his error of words before he freaked the other troll out more. Gamzee growled, pushing himself upright and lunging at Equius. Karkat quickly grabbed the taller troll's shoulders. "Nepeta just stopped him from killing you. Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"I'm fine," Gamzee responded automatically, voice shaking enough to make it clear this wasn't true.

"I wasn't trying to kill you, really," Equius repeated, not meeting Gamzee's eyes.

"'Course not. Planning to get some use outta me first?" Gamzee blurted out.

Equius looked up at that, eyes blazing behind his cracked glasses. "Excuse me? Which one of us has been inappropriately touching our shipmates?"

"I saw what looks you been giving at me," Gamzee hissed. Karkat's grip tightened on Gamzee and he looked at Equius. Nepeta grabbed onto Equius' wrist. "Who is the fucking desperate one now? I mean, motherfuck, you needed me to motherfucking order you around just so you could get off. I shoulda expected that you'd motherfuckin' continue to be just as pathetic as you have always been making at. Difference between my 'inappropriate touching' and yours is I wouldn't do more. _You would."_

"Your obvious desperate need for attention aside," Equius said, pulling his hand away from Nepeta and crossing his arms, "strifing with you doesn't mean I want to engage in any other activity with you. Nor does any troll touching you mean that they would want anything like that from you. You're..." Equius caught his anger before he said anything more that he'd regret later. One of them had to be the saner troll here.

"Finish your thought, motherfucker." Gamzee was glaring, but not moving to break Karkat's hold on him. "Finish your goddamn thought. There has to be more to that. I pissed you off enough yet that everyone here can see your real colors? How when it all breaks down you'll crawl back to them, begging to kiss their feet? Your kind was made to be ruled. Not good for much motherfucking else." Karkat glared at Gamzee and the purpleblood sighed. "Fine, motherfucker, fine, not your kind, you. You alone, were made to crawl around after them like a wriggler fresh out the caverns wishin' for a lusus. When they motherfucking get us, you'll get a chance, they love wrigglers. I'd tell them how much you'd motherfuckin' love it. Give my motherfucking nook a damn break from them. What all you wanted, all along. You'd be making to serve at your place."

"Makara," Equius said slowly. "I'm going to let you continue to rant. When you're like this no one can take you seriously."

Karkat squeezed Gamzee's hand as hard as he could; he couldn't physically hold Gamzee back, but the pressure helped keep Gamzee in the moment, thinking something approaching rationally. He squeezed back, Karkat wincing as his bones ground together in the powerful grip. Gamzee kept glaring daggers at Equius as the blueblood retreated.

Equius stopped in the doorway as he realised Nepeta wasn't following him. "Nepeta?"

Nepeta stopped watching Gamzee and Karkat as if they were an unexploded bomb and blinked at Equius. "Eh? Oh. Sorry. Uh, can you handle your wounds yourself? I think I need a moment alone."

Equius looked crestfallen, but nodded. Gamzee was surprised enough not to spit out a vicious comment as the two left the room and went their separate ways, leaving him and Karkat alone.

"I didn't mean what I said," Gamzee mumbled. "I was just angry and I wanted to get my hurt at him."

"I know, you always get fuck-all stupid when you're mad. You wouldn't need me if that weren't the case. My righteous fucking pain in the waste chute." Karkat looked over to Gamzee. "Are you alright?"

Gamzee shrugged. "Don't matter nothing to me. Survived worse, don't really care about getting hurt no fuckin' more. It's just a body."

"You can't -" Karkat cut himself off with a shake of his head. "Fine... Who is Laneen? Or why did you say that name?" Gamzee stared for a moment, before nodding for no particular reason.

"I'll talk to you 'bout her some day. Motherfucking now, I just want to curl up somewhere and talk about other things. Care to be going back somewhere private and getting our chat all up and wickedly on about random and not related at this shit?"

Karkat nodded and took a step before the taller troll followed him to the bunkblock. Karkat might be able to check to see if any bones were broken, if he got Gamzee comfortable enough. He might also have a chance to tell him off about not caring about his body and if it was injured.

* * *

Equius, having bandaged his hands himself and turned the first-aid box over to Tavros to deliver to Karkat, found Nepeta curled up in the alcove beside the crawlspace hatch, with the red paint can Vriska and Eridan had found. She was finger-painting on the floor, drawing what appeared to be a large troll with spiky hair, stuck through with numerous sharp objects of various types. The painted troll was too bulky to be Gamzee, and the zigzag mouth representing the Grand Highblood's facepaint design confirmed who it was supposed to be.

"Nepeta, what are you doing here?" Equius cleared his throat. "It's almost time for us to eat, and it would be good if we were there early enough to not get the bottom of the pot." He looked at her painting. "What are you drawing?"

"Just taking out some stress," she said, slapping her fingers down on the floor and pulling the mark into a suitable depiction of a blood splatter. "Pity I don't have any purple paint."

"I see." Equius looked over the painting once more. "It is a terrible situation, unfortunate in both what happened and how it's being handled. But we'll get through."

"You made it worse!"

"Nepeta!" Equius couldn't hide his surprise. "What do you mean? I didn't intend for it to be worse. I assumed that-"

"Why didn't you just listen? I know he wasn't your best friend, or anything close. But what if it was me, what if I told you that my mentor was doing that? Would you have told me to serve my place?"

"Th-that's different..." Equius said lamely, following it up with a muttered "I would have less excuse for not being able to comprehend your typing."

"Do you think this is _funny?_ Argh!" Nepeta clutched her horns in despair. "You are so self-centred! I can't believe you didn't learn your lesson after what you did to Aradia! At least you had the excuse of being six sweeps old and stupid then, and she took the chip out before anything actually happened! Trolls you happen to outrank are still trolls, and neither the ones above or below you deserve this!"

"Do you think I'm _happy_ he got hurt? Is that it?" Equius' voice was starting to increase in volume along with Nepeta's.

"Yes! Yes, that's exactly what I think! You did message him every day for sweeps to tell him how much you hated him while refusing to make any official black advances, maybe I was wrong and you really did just want him dead!"

"I wanted him to act in a manner befitting his station!"

"And look where it got him when he did!"

"How was I to know where that would lead him? How was I supposed to know that he would be hurt like that? I assumed that it would be mutual, and in some type of kindness, not whatever that was. Had my assumption been correct, we wouldn't be here discussing this. I was wrong, and I am not happy he got hurt."

"I think you're more upset that he's not just dropping it. Or maybe you're just jealous that he got that kind of recognition, even if it turned out horribly, and you didn't."

Equius bristled. "That's not the point! Nepeta, please. The social structure is not always a pleasant thing, but it is necessary that the higher-"

"Necessary?! You think that's less of a terrible thing to say than thinking it's funny? What was necessary about what that shitbag did? And don't lecture me on my language!"

"No matter how irate you may be it doesn't excuse your language. And yes, the hemospectrum, everything, is in place for a reason. It wouldn't have stayed around for so long if it wasn't necessary."

"Ever think that maybe, just maybe, the only reason it's stuck around is because it's been enforced? Look at our group, Karkat isn't even on the spectrum and he's our leader. Not Feferi, not Eridan, not Gamzee, or yourself. Instead it's Karkat, then probably Aradia. The two 'lowest' bloods."

"It's enforced because society would fail without it. Look at us. We're nearly starving on a tugship going to some obscure planet. I see nothing worth bragging about here. Vantas' leadership leaves a lot to be desired. Let me make one thing clear, I'm not saying that the lowerbloods are worthless or bad, all I am saying is that the power structure is there for a reason. I wanted Gamzee, and all of us, to act appropriate to our designated station. All of us, I am not excluding myself from this rule."

"You wouldn't, and tell me, if we are supposed to act according to our station, why did you run with all of us when the Highblood made his threats? You didn't stick around." Nepeta let out a humorless laugh. "I can't do this. I can't sit here and pity you when you are blind to the horrors of the universe. Not just blind, but also defending them. With what you're saying we should have all stayed and let them, the Highblood and the Empress, do whatever they wanted to us. You're saying that we deserve nothing more than being tortured, subjected, and murdered. For no reason other than entertainment."

"You can't pity me anymore?... Wh-what are you saying?"

Nepeta stalked past him to the door. "I can't handle this conversation anymore! I'm going to go see if Sollux wants to _fuck,"_ she said, intentionally emphasising the curse. "Maybe that'll help. I should at least keep one quadrant."

Equius could do nothing but watch her retreat into the bunkblock.


	18. Chapter 18

"MAKARA, I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR SCRAWNY NECK!"

Tavros nearly jumped out of his skin, knocking the first-aid box over, and Karkat gaped at Gamzee. "What the fuck did you do this time?"

"Nothing!" Gamzee protested truthfully. "I've been in here with you for the past hour, I don't know what he wants…"

Equius appeared in the doorway and stamped towards Gamzee, the veins in his neck popping. Gamzee tensed, ready to fight, and Karkat moved to shield him.

"Whoa, Zahhak, what happened?"

Equius clenched his teeth and grated out "Nepeta has left me."

"What?" Gamzee was shocked. "Why'd she do a thing like that?"

"Don't give me that, Makara, you know perfectly well why she would! Apparently your idiocy is worth more to her than our relationship!"

"Motherfucker, I don't know why she'd up and leave you unless her pity all up and left. I ain't got nothing to do with that." Gamzee's voice was hardly above a growl, but it hadn't descended into the pitch-shifting volume fuckery that meant he had gone off the deep end. Equius' eyes flashed to Karkat.

"Move, mutant."

"Don't you fuckin' talk at him like that."

"Gamzee," Karkat said, pressing back making sure the purpleblooded troll didn't lunge to attack.

"I said move, this doesn't concern you. I will not hesitate to hurt you if you do not move. This is Makara's fight, and if he can't stand on his own… it proves to me the troll he is."

Karkat shrugged, and looked Equius in the eye. "Hurt me, then."

"What?"

Tavros bit his lip, looked at the standoff, and joined Karkat. "Me too. I mean, if you want to hurt Gamzee, you, uhh, have to get past me."

Equius looked at his fists, then at Karkat and Tavros, and said, a little more softly, "Vantas, Nitram, I don't want to drag you into this. I am still angry, I don't know if I can control my strength sufficiently not to cause you severe damage."

"Then don't control it!" Karkat goaded. "Kill us. If you really think social standing is so fucking important that what happened to Gamzee was okay, why have you let a pair of mutants live this long?"

"I'm not saying that. I'm say-"

"Yes, you are," Tavros said, his voice less shaky than usual. "That's what you've always been saying."

"If Nepeta left you, it's her choice and her feelings. Gamzee had nothing to do with it."

Equius shook his head. "Both of you need to move. It is his fault, if he would just grow up and stop caring about that happened all of this would be over by now."

"Is it really that easy?" Karkat asked softly. "Do you think any troll can just 'get over' anything? Especially something like this. Nepeta left you because you didn't stand up and help your friend when he needed it. We've heard all three versions of that conversation. All of us are able to pick out what happened by what crossed over. All of you honestly admitted that neither you nor Eridan really helped the situation. But I agree, Gamzee is being a little harsh. I'm trying, Tavros is trying, fuck we're all trying to make that less likely. Don't blame him for your mistakes."

"My mistake was assuming he had more than one brain cell that wasn't killed with his disgusting desire for sopor. That he understood what was happening and just needed assistance or assurance that he wasn't misreading intentions. I assumed that from what Makara described that it was glaringly obvious what his ancestor's intentions were. My shortcoming and failure was I was unable to understand him."

"In what world does anyone want to pail someone double their height? Or even, someone proven around the empire to be fickle and violent. Or even more simply, when they keep saying it feels wrong." Karkat drew himself up, still pitifully short in comparison, but the action said enough.

"I'll admit," Tavros said, "that if… Gamzee would have told me what he told you, I would have a hard time believing it, but if my friend said what was happening was wrong. I'd at least tell them what might happen. That way they could, uhh, be prepared for it. I'd also mention it as one of the first, um, things when I was around people trying to rescue him."

"That's inconsequential information. What happened happened, and we should move on already. Now move, I just want to speak with him."

"By speak you mean hit. And I'm not going to let that happen."

"Neither am I. Go on ahead. You can, uhh, push us out of the way. Once that's done, why don't you be the Empire's, um, little hero and turn this ship around, you can turn all of us in. I'm pretty sure they'd, uhh, thank you for it in a lot of ways."

Equius was blinking rapidly behind his glasses, sweat beading on his brow. "I-I don't… darn it, Nitram, I was starting to like you! Why are you making this so hard? I don't want…"

"Yes, you do," Gamzee hissed, a wicked grin spreading on his face. "Come on. Do what you always MOTHERFUCKING WANTED."

Nepeta chose this unfortunate moment to enter the room, clothes and hair rumpled from her interrupted tryst. "What's going-"

Gamzee moved like lightning, and his claws were at her throat. Everyone froze. This wasn't on the level of a punch or kick; his claws were sharp enough again, and blood was already beading on her skin. His mouth spread into a broad, terrifying grin.

"See, you love my blood so much, Zahhak, DOES THAT MEAN I CAN SPILL AS MUCH OF HERS AS I WANT?"

Three voices shouted in unison, all saying Gamzee's name in some iteration. His claws just dug down a little. He could feel a cold shudder run through his body. Nepeta looked up at him in worry, surprise, and he could nearly taste her fear. This, Gamzee decided, felt nice, this didn't have complications. This was much better than the other shit he had been trying.

"Makara, stop this at once," Equius growled moving over towards Gamzee.

"No, no no, you see… THIS LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING BUD. Just needs to be snipped. AIN'T RIGHT FOR A MOTHERFUCKING HIGHBLOOD LIKE YOU. To be getting all himself twisted around the fucking dregs. YOU WANT ME TO BE MOTHERFUCKING THAT? I can be that."

"Gamzee," Nepeta whimpered, the claws still against her throat, pleading for this to stop, looking into his eyes, but she couldn't see anything that reminded her of her purpleblooded friend, nothing but bloodlust and anger. "Gamzee, stop, it's okay. He's not going to hurt anyone. He's mad and you are too, just please take a breath, and a step back."

Gamzee hunched down. "No, little kitty, that's not how it goes. THIS MOTHERFUCKER WANTS ME TO EMBRACE MY BLOOD. I will, then, I can embrace that. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING DESTINY IS WHAT IT MOTHERFUCKING IS."

"Gamzee!" Karkat nearly hopping up onto Gamzee's back trying to pull the taller troll away. "You need to pull your claws away from her, come on, pull away, and calm down." Gamzee fidgeted, and upon realizing that the smaller troll wouldn't move he changed his balance so Karkat could just hang there.

Equius remained motionless, his eyes flicking from Gamzee to Nepeta to his own hands and back, his mind racing, weighing his options. He couldn't simply attack; if he made the slightest wrong move, both Nepeta and Karkat could die, and Gamzee was weaker but faster than him. He certainly couldn't talk his way out, if Gamzee wasn't listening to his own moirail.

"Aw, I'm sorry. You PISSED OFF THAT I'M PLAYING WITH YOUR TOYS?"

Equius moved forward slowly. He would have to extract Nepeta and get through this situation carefully. He didn't want to kill anyone, just hurt them for not getting over things. To be honest, it would have been nice to actually really fight back. He wasn't too sure if Gamzee would live through it, but it would make him feel a whole lot better. "Makara, listen to your moirail."

"Ah shit bro. YOU ARE MOTHERFUCKING ANGRY. We could split her right down the middle." Gamzee's volume changes were terribly disorienting, but Equius didn't miss his other set of claws moving up to press into Nepeta's stomach. "YOU WANT ME TO DO IT VERTICAL? Or horizontal? Should by rights be across the waist so we each get at least one hole, BUT IT'S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CHOICE MOTHERFUCKER. She's the one who broke you up. WHY MOTHERFUCKING HURT ME. When you can take care of the source?"

"Makara, I don't want you to hurt her." Equius' voice was soft. He was still creeping forward, trying to get close enough to pull Gamzee away from Nepeta, and hopefully not rip out her throat in the process. "I don't want anyone but you hurt."

Gamzee laughed. It echoed around the ship enough that it sounded distorted. "YOU LOVE IT THOUGH, ALL THIS HEMOCASTE BULLSHIT. Don't you know, Equius, this is what it looks like? THIS IS ITS TRUE MOTHERFUCKING FACE. I'll kill her, then just go through this ship, rip out everyone's throat."

Karkat was trying to get a good enough grip on Gamzee's arm to pull it away from Nepeta, but every time he got close Gamzee would shift, ruining his hold. Tavros was moving slowly towards Gamzee's other side. Equius hoped that somehow they'd manage to pull him away before he killed Nepeta. Or he might end up killing one of them, or all of them.

"What I would love is for you to get over what happened to you."

"I MOTHERFUCKING AM GETTING MY SHIT OVER IT, BROTHER. I'll give into it, just become what I should have done from the start."

Nepeta took a deep breath, extended her claws, and thrust upward, catching Gamzee in the jaw. His own claws tore open her skin as he jerked backwards, but only her skin, not her veins, and his grip loosened just enough for her to wriggle free. For good measure, she punched him in the gut, leaving him curled up and gasping, and ran. Not even glancing at Gamzee, Equius followed her.

Gamzee looked down at the floor, catching his breath, the words he spoke rolling around in his head. The rage was gone, and all of that heartlessness disappeared with it. He wanted to whine, or claw at himself, or do something other than keep thinking about what he said over and over again.

Karkat pressed his hand against the taller troll's shoulder. It was slow, deliberate, and enough that Gamzee was sure that he wasn't really angry, just peeved that his moirail snapped again. The sigh that came from the hotblooded troll shortly thereafter cemented the idea.

"You with us, Gamzee?"

"Yeah… I…" Gamzee pulled himself up to standing, looking down at the olive blood on his claws and fingers. "Fuck. Fuck, I cannot believe those motherfucking words came out of my mouth…"

"Better those words from your mouth than that bulge from your pants or any more of that blood from Nepeta."

"I guess…" He wanted to ask what was coming over him, and taking over his mind, making events like this happen more often. He knew the answer so he didn't ask, even if he did want someone to tell him that reason wasn't the real one. "I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't… I wasn't gonna… No, I can't lie. I think I really was gonna kill her."

Karkat and Tavros looked at the purpleblood, who was still looking down at his hands. It was obvious to both of them how much that revelation shook the other troll to his core. Karkat swallowed and extended a hand slowly. When he was met with no resistance he coiled his fingers around the taller troll's hand.

"It's not okay, but at least she managed to stop you. You need to get these rages under control. I know you're fucked up, but you don't need to drag yourself down to a skullnumbing new level of fucked-up reserved for a select few. The seventh circle of too fucked-up to tell the difference between seedflap and ass. The highest disgusting echelons of princely stupid…" Karkat shook his head. "Let's get you totally calm, and talk about this rationally, okay? See if we can find out what fuckery decided to cut through all your powers of control, reasoning, and good judgement."

"Y-Yeah. Okay. Maybe I should get some sleep first. I was trying to before… That's been fucking my head up pretty bad. I think I'll be able to talk after I get some motherfucking rest. I… Tell Nepeta I didn't wanna do it but I think she should stay away from me, okay?"

Tavros took Gamzee's other hand. "Sure."

Karkat and Tavros led Gamzee carefully in the direction of the bunkblock in the opposite direction to the one Nepeta had run for, and both sat on the metal bunk beside him until he fell asleep.

* * *

"Nepeta!" Equius mopped at his brow with one hand and frantically looked around the sleeping quarters, sagging with relief when he saw a blue tail-tip protruding from under a bunk. "Nepeta, are you- I mean, how badly are you hurt?"

The room was silent for a long time. All except the very quiet sniffles from Nepeta. Equius would ask to console her, or for her to come out so he could let her know she wasn't alone, but it seemed out of place and he didn't want to upset her even more. He didn't quite know why she was crying, and he felt hopelessly unable to assist her.

"Nepeta, I understand you don't want to talk to me, but I want to help you. Are you still angry with me?"

A pause, and then Nepeta spoke very quietly. "AC can't stay mad at CT. Is CT mad at her?"

"No! No, never." Equius sat beside the bunk. "Are you… is AC still bleeding? CT has bandages."

"Huh. You're roleplaying?" Nepeta twisted around under the bunk, and he saw her face, wet with tears but smiling a little. "I don't even remember the last time you did."

"CT thinks odd sentence structure is a small price to pay to help AC."

Nepeta giggled, and he couldn't help but join her with a smile. Her hand emerged, fingers spread into a triangle, and he returned the gesture to form a perfect diamond. Slowly and carefully, she crawled out. The cut on her throat was already closing up. Equius decaptchalogued a cloth and antiseptic and dabbed gently at it, and she purred softly.

"I'm sorry, Nepeta."

"I'm sorry too. I was mad at a lot of things, and when you came in I just started feeling worse. I never blamed you for what happened, but I just took what you said the worst possible way and let my tongue run away with me."

Equius sighed. "Honestly, I think you were right. We've all been going through some… odd times, and I was being stubborn. I just wished things would work the way they always did." He shook his head. "You were right. Torturing a youngling who trusted him, driving us from our homes - these are not the actions of a true highblood. If we have authority, we must also have responsibility, or at least we should."

"That's kind of sweet, in a weird way." Nepeta cuddled up to him. "Pale again?"

"Of course, Nepeta, yes!" Very carefully, Equius rested his hand atop one of hers. "Don't worry about Makara. I'll make sure he never comes near you again."

"Uh, about that… I have a plan of my own."

"Nepeta," Equius sighed. "It had better not be something that will get you hurt. I can't let you get hurt again."

"No, no, I purromise it won't be bad. I know you don't want me hurt. I don't want you to get hurt either. I don't want any of us to get hurt. So the plan is to stop it."

"I am pretty sure that Vantas would be upset if you killed Makara." Equius was only half joking. He wasn't sure what Nepeta's plan was, but he basically figured that murder wasn't on the list. He gave a little smile.

"Equius," Nepeta said smiling and shaking her head. "No, no… He and Eridan are having purroblems, and I know you… can take care of yourself. But if I can intervene between the both of them, then this trip will be alright, maybe not perfect, but better."

"What? Oh no no no." His eyes widened. "If you mean what I think you mean, let me remind you we are talking of the man who nearly slit your throat and threatened to… engage in inappropriate behaviour with your corpse. Is it really a good idea to do anything which means spending more time near him?"

"Yes! Gamzee was my friend, and I don't think the old Gamzee is completely gone. I can't easily subdue him without killing him, and nor can Eridan, but two of us could handle him if Karkat couldn't help. If everything works out right, I will have backup and he'll have another stabilising influence, so it'll never happen again."

"And if it works out wrong?"

"Then we can't be worse off than we are already!" Nepeta shook her head. "Someone has to help them. If not me, then who?"

Equius' eyes filled with tears, and his voice shook as he spoke. "Th-that's what you said to me when we first…"

"Equius, I pity you a lot." Nepeta gave a little smile. "This little lapse aside, I was just so angry. I've been stalking around and listening to what everyone is saying. It's just depressing, I was trying to stay optimistic, but it's hard when you're the only one who is… But we're all friends, we've spent so much time together through good and bad and I know we can get through this. We have to work for it, though… I want to help you, but I have to help others too." Equius could plainly see tears in her eyes she was refusing to let fall.

"Nepeta…."

"I remember when I was having a hard time, it was around the time you were fixing up Aradia. You couldn't be there for me like you once were because you were so busy. I didn't tell anyone, but they could tell I was upset… Before you came back Karkat tried to cheer me up, even got Gamzee in on it. I had never seen so many cute kitty videos before then. Gamzee stayed up with me past dawn just talking to me about nothing so I didn't feel alone. He told me to never tell you, he said he didn't want you to get upset. Or how about how all of us rallied behind Tavros after Vriska happened? We didn't ostracize her, she just had to regain trust… We've always pulled together and had to get through difficult things. This time is no diffurent, I guess it is a bit, but it's not too diffurent."

"He did just try to kill you."

"When we first met you could have killed me. I don't doubt you thought about it. I was a lowblood in your way."

"I never wanted to kill you. Nepeta, I'm more concerned for your safety."

"I'm concerned about everyone's safety, Gamzee's too. He's done terrible things to punish himself or just because he can hurt himself. I don't want any of us to die, we worked so hard to get all of us together again. Even if we start to lose the fight and all of us end up dead, we tried, we fought, and we died… All together. So, I'm going to step up and take responsibility." Nepeta smiled a little bit. "Plus, even with this you still hate him. Eridan I don't think does, and I don't want you to have any competition in Gamzee's mind."

Equius spluttered and wiped away sweat. "It's not like that! Really, can we talk about something other than Makara for now? That was what caused the problem."

"Sorry, sorry. Everything has sort of revolved around him and Karkat for a while." Nepeta curled up and purred thoughtfully. "So how's Drooly doing with the new rig?"

"If you mean Captor, it works better than we expected. Honestly, you can't give him a new nickname every day, I keep losing track." Equius smiled. "Oh, uh, does it bother you that I'm spending time with your kismesis?"

"No, of course not! Really, I think spending time with the warmbloods is good for you. Get to know us, we're really nice." She winked. "Besides, it's purrobably better not to hate your moirail's kismesis. Less competition. Of course that's where the ashen quadrant can be a big help-"

"Okay, the conversation is heading dangerously close to the topic we agreed to avoid now."

"Sorry."


	19. Chapter 19

When Gamzee finally slept, he knew one of three things could happen. Either he'd be plunged into hivemind nightmares, which he would have been fine with. Two, he could dream about his memories; he would rather have stabbed his eyes out with a spoon and eaten them than have that happen. Or three, he could wake up in pitch black bleeding all over the place. Which seemed to be the case.

Instead of standing he was sitting, but he knew where he was. Maybe distance didn't matter. He was still trapped, still forced to deal with his bloodlink's looming presence in the darkness. He really seriously hoped he'd never dream about this place again once he got out. He looked down to his arm, still skinned and covered in dry blood, the mark on his arm still bleeding all over the floor and his leg. He could taste blood in his mouth, and he had no doubt his face was bleeding as well, though he didn't have the motivation to touch his cheeks.

He whimpered; this was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. That and any of his other dreams that could have happened. He was half afraid his ancestor would notice his presence there and somehow materialize and demand answers from him. He didn't trust himself not to just be honest and hope it would be less painful when they found them.

The room (or the space, he still wasn't sure if it was a room) did shift. Soon enough, two familiar faces were coming towards him. He didn't want to brighten up at seeing them, but he did. Something in him felt guilty, but he couldn't place if it was his previous actions - though he escaped, he had done things he wasn't proud of - or if it was more recent.

"Laneen, Sennir?" he said, still trying to place his feelings.

"For the record, if money meant anything here you would have lost me a hundred caegars," Laneen said. Gamzee could tell by the tone of her voice that both of them were mad at him.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "What did I do?"

"First off, I will say thank you, and you are one lucky grub of a bitch. I really mean that, you are a grub of a bitch. You got out of there like it was no big deal. But…"

"Gamzee, those kind of threats are not funny. Both of us are disappointed in you." Laneen was shaking her head at him. He understood exactly what he had been doing that made him have this terrible guilty feeling.

"Hey, I wasn't really gonna-"

"You know full well what you were implying," Laneen said sternly. "And dragging Nepeta in? As if you were not doing enough already? I would have thought you would know better than to say such a thing to anyone, and she did nothing to provoke you. The ancestors of everyone on this ship suffered at the hands of yours. Would you allow history to repeat itself?"

"Do I got a choice? I know what I'm growing into!"

"You always have a choice!"

"Really?" he said, standing up. Blood fell from his mouth as he spoke, dripping down his chin and onto the floor. "I've always had a choice? Sure, I had plenty of options and all of them have been shit. Do you know what it's like? No, of course the both of you don't. You didn't get out of there like I did. I don't mean that to hurt, but you don't understand what the right here and now is like for me."

"You're alive, that's more than any of us can say," Sennir said quickly, obviously defensive. "Are you about to whine at us about living when all of tried desperately and failed at their hands or our own?" Sennir snorted in laughter. "I think any of us would envy your ability to be alive, and your escape."

"I'm alive in shades. I don't sleep because I'm afraid to dream. I can't even look at myself, with or without clothes on. I feel like a monster. Sometimes, I swear I can hear his voice in my head." Gamzee had to spit out the excess blood, he still felt like he could drown here. "No one can touch me without me nearly vomiting. If they say the wrong thing, it takes everything in me not to shut down, kill them, or run away. I'm not fucking alive, I'm breathing. Don't tell me you'd envy this. I don't envy your death, except in my weakest moments. Don't motherfucking envy my life."

"Gamzee, that does not mean you have to take it out on others."

"I'm not taking it out on them. I'm giving them just what they asked for." He growled, and both of the ghosts took a step back. Gamzee could see the fear in their eyes. His bloodpusher felt like it was about to collapse in his chest as he relaxed. He could feel it, feel how his presence was nearly identical to the one haunting them in the darkness. That made him angry and almost threw him into an endless circle of being so pissed off he was like his ancestor that he acted like him anyway…

"Then you're no better than our Keeper," Sennir growled, moving his hand away from his stomach. "If you think anyone asks for torture you're even less of the troll we took you for. So thank you for getting us out of there. Now, fuck off. We already have to deal with one of him. I don't want to have two." He almost turned to walk away, but Laneen grabbed his arm.

"Sennir, please."

"No, I refuse to have two of them. I told you he was going to be just like him. Unforgiving, evil, and something we should keep our distance from." Sennir looked up at him, taking his wrist from Laneen's grip. "You can rot with him as far as I'm concerned."

Sennir moved to go, and in the darkness for a brief moment Gamzee could see the silhouettes of other trolls. He knew he couldn't see all of them, there was no way he ever could. They didn't trust him, they had every right not to. Laneen moved quickly and once again held onto Sennir's wrist.

"I-I am not…" Gamzee stuttered, but couldn't exactly get the words he wanted to out. He couldn't prove them wrong, he was obviously going to travel that path. He could feel himself turning into his bloodlink.

"Yes, you are." Laneen turned back to him, still holding on to Sennir. He could see the disappointment in her eyes. "Your actions are no better than his." Gamzee froze. He felt like his insides were falling apart. He wanted to scream or cry but he couldn't find it in him to do so. He just felt so empty. "No, we do not understand, but when we offered you choices you had to be aware there were repercussions and other feelings that would occur depending on your choice."

"So, I'm even more of a monster, huh?" Gamzee said softly. "Sometimes his voice is in my head, it doesn't sound just like him but it's close enough. It's like a need, one I can't ever explain to no one. You guys don't even get it, neither does Karkat. It's like there is something in me, something that wants to hurt all of them. See them bleed, to own their blood as mine. I try to keep it away, but it's so hard, I'm tired of fighting it. If I'm just like him, maybe I should just give in."

"Gamzee, that is not what we're asking you to do," Laneen said quickly. She took a step forward, dragging Sennir with her. She wanted to comfort him, but wasn't sure if she could. "We are asking you to do the opposite."

"I want to help you, I want to cheer you on," Sennir added with a sigh, turning back towards Gamzee. "But I can't, not when you're like this, If I wanted to be around him, I'd get closer to him here. There are other ways to deal with things, ones better than violence." He shook his head and looked over to the silhouettes. "All of us want to root for you, you did more and got farther than any of us ever did. We've been with him for centuries." He stayed where Laneen had stopped him. He looked ready to leave. Gamzee shook his head.

"Talk about it? I don't want to, everytime I do it's like I'm back there. Karkat forced me to shower, and he hid away and saw the words carved on to me." Gamzee paused, trying not to go back to the memory. "I ended up hiding in the bathtub until he went away. You know how shitty that is, when you feel like you can't even trust your moirail?" Sennir brought his hands together around his stomach. Obviously, the thought was enough to make him understand the kind of hurt Gamzee meant. Sennir opened his mouth but closed it, deciding that whatever he wanted to say wasn't enough.

Gamzee shook his head and with a sad laugh continued his thought. "He started asking me about them, and I couldn't help it, I was back and they were carving them all over again. When I came out of it, I was bleeding. I had clawed into them so they would bleed again. No wait, just the one, this one," He said showing his bleeding arm. "I can't forget long enough to talk about it. I've tried!"

"Gamzee." Laneen came over and wrapped her arm, the best she could, around his shoulders. She pulled him close. She couldn't fully understand, but she could see how much he was hurting. It took a moment but his arms wrapped around her. Gentle, soft, and he wanted to just stay like that for awhile. "You have to talk about it. Memories are like ghosts."

"No matter how fucked up their death, they're still beautiful?" Gamzee smiled slightly. Laneen turned her head away, her face quickly turning yellow.

"I was going to say they stay attached, until their stories come to a close."

Sennir rolled his eyes, at least Gamzee was pretty sure that's what he did. "Don't hit on her. This is hardly the time." Though he was smiling just the smallest amount.

Gamzee pulled back slightly and looked between the both of them. He turned his head to the darkness. "That's not all this is, I mean, motherfucker, I can't shake any of what they said to me from my mind. I mean, I'm going back to shit that should no longer be holding any motherfucking relevance, what if some part of me did fucking want it? That'd explain why my fucking body decided it was fan-fucking-tastic. I mean, shit. I'm obviously fucked up more because I couldn't even be normal and hate it when he'd fuck me. Instead I usually disliked it when it was her. Maybe I just got jackall with my motherfucking mind and body. I don't even motherfucking know, all I know is it's motherfucking pathetic."

"Hey," Sennir nearly growled. "It's not pathetic to feel any different. And fuck you for thinking that, and thinking that it makes you any less of the shit you already are. Tru—"

"Sennir, this is not the time. But you are right." Laneen sighed. "Gamzee, you need to talk, get these thoughts out of your mind and share them with someone, lest you decide to lock them up and keep spiraling out of control. That is what you are doing. You are too afraid to face yourself, so you are hiding from it and letting the negative take over. That is their game, they want you to doubt yourself and rely on them." Laneen's shoulders drooped. "Trust both of us on that, no matter how we fought, still they left you doubting, they plant those seeds inside you and it takes time to find all of them and get rid of them. You will be able to, though."

"I won't threaten them no more. I just feel so alone. I know the both of you understand the Cell, and my friends on the alive side understand that it was fucked up. I know both sides understand I need to heal. But I don't know how. Talking just makes it worse, it… scares me."

"There's no shame in being afraid," Sennir said, looking back and moving closer to both of them. "Do you think any of us met that or this situation without fear? I won't even say I understand what it's like to really escape. I didn't get all the way out. I don't know what it's like to try to heal, outside of here. There really isn't healing here, just acceptance. But you can't allow our Keeper his victory."

"What are you meaning?"

"If you turn into him, if you crack and become just like him, isn't that letting him win?" Sennir put one of his hands on Gamzee's forearm. The one that was stripped back to bone.

"I don't have a choice, one day I'll snap and I'll turn into that. I don't know how much the both of you know about ancestors…"

"I vaguely knew mine, if he really is mine… But, you can fight it every step of the way," Laneen said softly. "We can help you fight it."

"There is no law that says you'll become your ancestor. I know I'm nothing like mine." Sennir clutched onto his arm. It was meant to give Gamzee strength, but for some reason it just made him want to cry. "It's just likely. That's why we're here to stop it from happening."

"I don't really want to, but can I just die, and not have to deal with it. You all are out of that cage. I don't want to hurt them. Even Eridan and Equius. I wouldn't actually do it. I wouldn't even wish a fraction of what happened on them, even when I'm pissed off. I'm afraid I will hurt them, really hurt them one day."

"No, that's allowing him to win as well." Sennir tried to smile. "Think about it, you are the first troll to really get out of their grasp. If you killed yourself they would assume you couldn't handle it on the outside, that they influenced you so much you couldn't live without them."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to act like him. I don't want to be like him. Just it's always there, right next to me. It sometimes cuddles up close and says such sweet things, and I get ahead of myself and I end up hurting them. It's not like I lose myself to it, I'm conscious, just everything else seems to be overridden by it… I'm sure this doesn't make any sense to either of you. I just don't know how to make it become words anyone would understand."

"It is okay, Gamzee," Laneen said, giving him another squeeze. "My advice is, talk to Karkat. Start at the beginning, keep going until the end. You do not have to do it in one sitting, but go through all of it. Make sure he understands that everything that you are telling him is true. Even the bits about us. Ask him not to question. When you are scared and you want to get away. Remember that you are away from them."

"It's time you start something new. You don't want them to define you for your whole life, do you? Don't let yourself become either of them. Isn't that one of the biggest insults, to not become your ancestor?"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"Gamzee, you can't hurt your friends anymore," Sennir added. "If you do, I cannot promise that the Kin would welcome you. We have a tenuous enough balance with them when it comes to you. Some see you as another version of him. We are trying to fight for you. And you're making it really difficult."

"If you get angry just leave, get out of the situation."

"It's difficult though, I can't control it."

"You can learn, but you can not hurt them anymore. Threatening to use them or hurt them. Actually, hurting them makes you no better, and we can not allow it to continue."

"I'll do my best, but, I can feel it. It's like a sickness." Gamzee sighed. "Even if Karkat can help me now, what happens when he dies? Even if we do get away from the Empire and never get taken back, how long is he gonna live? Could be even shorter than a maroonblood, and how can I handle sweeps of this without him?"

"Forget about that for the moment. He's alive now, he's helping you now, and he's not the only one."

"We are trying to help you too. There is no way we could have ever honestly been friends in life, too much time between us and you. But we understand at least part of it. You have to let us, and let him help you. On top of that, you must see about helping yourself."

Gamzee breathed deeply and blinked tears from his eyelashes, letting them trickle down. "Okay. I'll try."

"Good." Sennir said. "Despite what I said earlier about you being really difficult and a stupid little shit. I want you to know that ninety-nine percent of us are behind you… Okay more like forty-five percent, but it sounds better when I say ninety-nine."

"I doubt they will be."

"Some said they would." Gamzee pulled the back of his hand up to his eyes and wiped away the tears, just so his look of confusion could be better seen. "It's time you knew more than us. When I was offered the choices, when Laneen was, we weren't greeted by just two of us. I'll admit we've been unfair to you."

"No one was going to do it," Laneen said softly, as if he was going to be angry. "They were going to allow you to be bound alone. In silence without anyone but them. I stood up for you. Sennir did what I said because that is what he does. But we were both greeted by a group."

"I know you know we're with you as ghosts, but I want you to know that we are rooting for you as much as we can in here without him finding out."

"I could see if I could do that thing again, if it would make you guys more at ease." Gamzee shrugged. "I might be able to, it was my psychics, I know how to use them now."

Laneen gave him a little smile. "To be free of him even for a moment is a great way to bribe us."

Sennir whistled at the darkness. Gamzee could feel the darkness move as if it was breathing, forms pulling from the bonds and passing from life to the crossroads just so they could speak. At first there was one body, then two, then three. Tears itched at his eyes again. He didn't want to smile, it seemed inappropriate.

"Welcome to your other tribe, Gamzee," Laneen said. "Thank you all," she said, turning to the others that had joined them. A taller blueblood slapping Sennir on the back with a smile. All Gamzee could see was even here there was friendship. A bunch of colors mingling around each other and not caring. In death, he supposed, they really were all equal. Especially here.

"You heeded my warning," the blueblood said, coming further out of the darkness, enough Gamzee could see the marks that transcended death. "First troll to mostly heed it."

"Aniuos," Gamzee said. "I been remembering any name I could find. I'm pretty sure I got all them locked up in my head. Sorry, I didn't heed it in full."

"It's no problem, not many do. Even I slipped up and in delusion drank." He smiled and had a jovial laugh. Gamzee could almost see him as alive, he could look past the injuries. His legs were nothing more than bones. The shirt covering his torso covered how that trend carried on. One day Gamzee would ask.

"Still being good to motherfucking meet you."

"This," Aniuos said, pointing to a tiny maroon blood beside him, "is Ukuthe."

She waved, her arm hovering somewhere close to her shoulder. Gamzee couldn't take much more in about her other than that it was weird. Uncanny. He thought he would have been used to it by now. "We met, though I doubt you'd remember. I was the troll he bled out to paint you up. Funny thing is we can be bled dry over and over here." Her voice sounded odder than Gamzee had been expecting.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault." She shrugged, her floating arm looking as if it was about to hit the floor any moment.

"My name's Keskay," Gamzee nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned, looking at a seadweller. She waved at him; both of her fins were nothing more than bone, and she was completely missing an arm. Gamzee wondered how that had happened. His cuts bled, his broken bones had the skin peeled back, apparently if your limb was ripped off it hovered next to you. To be missing one entirely… He'd have to ask later.

A smaller green blood boy nearly pounced on her shoulders. "Name's Pyeran," he said. Gamzee couldn't outright see a lot of his wounds, though he was sure most of them were hidden behind Keskay. "Last one out. Not 'cause there aren't more that want t' meet ya, but we don't want t' draw his attention. Don't need him t' show up an' interrogate ya."

"Thanking you for your kindness. I'm not being in the mood for interrogation."

"So can you do it? Where you make light in here?" Ukuthe asked him.

"I can be seeing what I can motherfuckin' do." Gamzee closed his eyes and focused his voodoos against the sheer darkness. It was like hitting a wall, a wall he recognized. One he fought against previously. He smirked and pushed outwards, light flooding around them. It wasn't much brighter, but it was brighter. An oasis from his ancestor's presence. He couldn't imagine how that must feel to them.

"Wicked cool." Pyeran clapped. Gamzee felt a tug at his stomach, he blinked a few times, and realized slowly, something was trying to wake him up. "You should come 'ere more often, everyone would love ya if you'd just do this ev'ry once an' awhile."

"I will. I'll be trying to sleep more. Know it's no guarantee, but I'll be trying. Consciousness is already motherfucking calling."

"Don't worry about it," Anious said. "We've got nothing but time, you'll be back. None of us can keep ourselves out of here. We're all Kin. We're meant to be here as long as we are."

"Working on that as I've always been promising." Laneen grabbed his arm. "Yeah, beautiful?"

"Stop it." Laneen said her face flushing golden. "Keep in mind what we said. Work through it, try to keep from letting it happen."

"I got your message. If I feel myself going, I'll try to be getting everyone but Karkat away. I'll then be motherfucking talking to him."

"Good." Sennir said, grabbing onto Gamzee's horn so he could ruffle his hair. "We'll see you soon, okay?"

* * *

Gamzee was very surprised to wake up to find Eridan standing over him, Ahab's Crosshairs in his hands. Eridan looked nervous, but determined.

"What the fuck-?"

"So are you going to apologise to Nep?"

"Listen, Eridan, I'm really not in the mood to do much talking right now."

"Of course you're not. You need to apologise to Nep, wwe don't ewen need to talk about it, just apologise to her."

"Can you go away? For, like, thirty minutes, then you can assault me with words."

"No, I'm not goin' awway. Apologise to her." Eridan gripped his gun more firmly. "Equ's too busy patchin' her up to talk to you, so I figured I should. Howw'd you like it if I decided to get rewenge on you by smackin' Kar around?"

Gamzee eyed the gun. "I know perfectly motherfucking well you can't use that thing in here. Slightest slip and either it'd bounce off the metal and get you, or it'd go straight through me and cut open the hull, then everyone would die. So, you know, you're waking me up and pissing me off while you're effectively unarmed. Do you really think that's a motherfucking good idea?"

"Not really," said Eridan, trembling slightly. "But it wwas that or do nothin'. Come on, Gam, Nep wwas your friend, and she's not inwolwed. I'm pretty sure you're not fucked in the head enough to really wwant her dead."

Gamzee stood up, looming over Eridan, and hissed "You 'wwilling' to MOTHERFUCKING BET ON THAT?" He cleared his throat and gritted his teeth, trying to retain control. "Why are you even talking to me? We both know what a motherfucking coward you've always been. Zahhak scare you more than me now? I can remedy that."

Eridan pulled back slightly, but didn't want to lose his ground. He stood up straighter, trying to intimidate the slightly taller troll. He took a breath and put the gun away; it was better not to risk getting trigger happy. He didn't feel like dying via being sucked into the vacuum of space.

"I don't think you're so far gone you wwant us all dead. Just me and Equ, I can accept that, but you need to tell her you're sorry and you didn't mean to."

Gamzee laughed. It wasn't a laugh Eridan was used to hearing, and it sent a chill right through his bones. "Oh, oh you little motherfucker, you don't know any-motherfucking-thing about me anymore." Gamzee reached forward, stopping short of actually grabbing Eridan. "I don't even know about myself. I know I want to watch all of you bleed. I want to hurt all of you. But, you see, I'm trying not to."

Eridan snorted in laughter. "Wwell, you're failing miserably."

"You should go, little fish brother, before I do something I'm going to regret… And you're going to regret too."

"Bit late for that, unless you really are that far gone!"

Gamzee grabbed Eridan's left fin and hauled him into an awkward tiptoe position. "Fine. You go tell kittysis I'm sorry. You seem to be poking into my business anyway today, do it some way that's helpful."

"It-it's hardly going to mean anyfin coming from me," Eridan said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Well, why don't you try, say 'Gamzee said he's sorry he hurt you. He really didn't want to, but he's slowly turning into his ancestor, no matter how hard he is trying to stop it'."

Eridan's bloodpusher was throbbing in his chest so hard it hurt. "You have to do it, Gam, not me. That's the point of an apology." He tried pulling away, but the claws in his fin just dug in. He didn't want to tear it, so he stayed put.

"Go on, you little shit, you can go get her for me, then I have green and… motherfuck… just go, Eridan, just fucking leave."

"Did I strike a chord?" Eridan said, hopeful. Gamzee's grip had lessened, and Eridan pulled back slightly.

"Did you misunderstand me, motherfucker? You need to leave." Eridan smirked, feeling a bit more confident, and Gamzee's snarl intensified. "Get the fuck away from me."

"Tell me, does it make you proud to knoww you're hurting people? Or do you just get off on it?" Eridan hissed before his thoughts had fully caught up. Gamzee's grip tightened again, yanking Eridan forward. Eridan nearly screamed as he could feel the fin near crunching in the purpleblood's grip. Gamzee's eyes narrowed, looking down at him. Eridan was terrified again, and he wasn't sure if it was a natural fear or Gamzee's own brand of messed-up psychic powers.

"Remember how I said I'm trying not to turn into my motherfucking ancestor? You gotta listen to me when I say something. I'm doing better, you just gotta stop pushing."

Eridan glared back, finally meeting Gamzee's eyes, his own expression full of contempt. "Yeah, you're doin' real good, draggin' innocents in. You wworthless sandcrawwler, you're exactly fuckin' like hi-"

"SHUT UP!"

Gamzee's hands moved before he even knew it, there was a crunch of breaking glass and bone and the sound of tearing skin drowned out by Eridan shrieking, violet sprayed everywhere, the rest of the group came running to see, Eridan was kneeling and clutching the right side of his face, ignoring the ruined left fin, and screaming "my eye, he took my fuckin' _eye-"_ and through it all Gamzee was laughing. He looked at the purple on his hands and the broken glass in his knuckles and laughed harder, until he saw Feferi's face.

He fled, running till he reached the other end of the ship, and shut himself in the storage room, begging his unseen Kin for forgiveness he knew he didn't deserve.


	20. Chapter 20

"Eridan, stop picking at that."

Eridan scowled, then winced as the movement of his face pulled at the stitches he'd been rubbing. Kanaya and Equius hadn't been able to save his eye. The lids were a ragged mess, laced with tiny stitches and sewn closed to protect the empty socket. Equally fine stitches held together what was left of his fin, torn off by his own weight when Gamzee punched him, and closed the deep gash leading across his face. "See, Kar, I wwould say 'I told you so', but..."

"Shut up. Look, I can't say I'm _happy_ you're this badly hurt, but I heard what you said to him. What exactly did you think he was going to do? Why the hell would you confront him now anyway? You were avoiding him, everyone was happy."

Eridan shuffled and mumbled "Okay, I get wwhy he's hurting me, ewen if I really wwant him to stop. But Nep didn't do a fuckin' thin' to him."

"No, and really, he's told me he's sorry about it, and he doesn't want to hurt us. He says he can't explain. But seriously Eridan, what did you think he was going to do when you said that?"

"I wwas kinda hopin' he'd prowe me wwrong."

"Eridan," Kanaya said softly, "I'm also not saying what Gamzee did was right. But he hasn't exactly had time to get over everything that happened."

"You guys make it sound like I think it's a skinned knee or somethin'. I don't think it is, I knoww he's not ower it, but he needs to stop hawin' such a short temper about it."

"Eridan," Karkat said softly, leaning closer. "Trust me when I say I don't actually think I've seen him smile since we've got him back. Every smile has been fake or evil. He's always near killing something or curling up crying. He hasn't even really started to deal with it, and saying that didn't help at all."

"Isn't that your job?" Kanaya turned to look at Karkat. "To help him get over it?"

"I'm working on it."

"Obviously not fast enough. Forgive me if this observation is a bit out of place. However, I must make my thoughts known. You're not much of a moirail if he's not even the tiniest bit better. On top of that, you don't seem to pull him away until things are already out of control. In a sense you are allowing his bad behaviour to continue. Perhaps your dysfunctional relationship isn't helping?"

"You think you could do a better job?" Karkat said, drawing himself up and glaring at Kanaya.

"Well, I think I could certainly do a better job than you are at present."

"Wwhoa, both of you stop hittin' on each other or I swwear I'm goin' to puke." Karkat and Kanaya both looked at Eridan and shook their heads.

"Thank you for that disgusting image, Eridan," Kanaya said after a pause. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I just lost my eye, and got my face fucked up by a demented clowwn. Wwho at any moment could come in and finish the job. I'd say I'm doin' fine."

"I understand that the question seems a little out of place. I meant if you were in any more pain." Eridan stared at her and raised an eyebrow, then winced. "I see you think that question was equally stupid."

"Excuse me, but do you think I could steal Mr. Ampurra fur just a moment? ... It's nothing bad, Just need to talk to him..."

* * *

Gamzee blinked in the light as the closet door opened. Equius stood there, looking at him with disgust. Gamzee couldn't blame him.

"Nepeta wants to talk to you in the control room. You will come now, or I will drag you."

Gamzee sighed, looking up at Equius. He chewed on his lip and wiped his hand on his pants again, trying to get the final stains of violet off his fingers. He nodded, moving to stand up; he didn't feel like being too close and alone with Equius, any more than he wanted to have to see Nepeta.

He didn't mean to drag her into this, he didn't mean to let his explosive temper drag Eridan down into it this much. His mind flashed back to the shock and horror on Feferi's face. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could see both of them older, different. Instead of shock, a smile that was so familiar plastered on her face. He wanted to gag; instead he settled for nearly running past Equius.

If the Kin would ever forgive him, he had to start now. He'd apologize to Nepeta and see about saying something to Eridan. He didn't mean to rip his eye out, it just sort of happened. He didn't know what was going on in his head anymore. What bothered him the most was the way his guilt was tainted. It was there, but vague and undefined.

The group were standing around the edges of the room, Nepeta and Eridan in the middle. Sollux was doing something with the control panel, but kept glancing up, obviously paying attention. Equius sat beside him, an ominous shadow in the background. Eridan looked confused and as uncomfortable as Gamzee felt.

"You both are acting like I'm going to hurt you. No matter how much you both deserve it, that's not with this meeting is about," Nepeta said gently. "I have a proposition for the both of you. It's a little... out of the ordinary, but that's okay, desperate times and all that."

"Wwhat?"

"I think that it might benefit all three of us... Well, it might help if we all entered an auspisticeship. Eridan, you and I have never gotten along, something about fish and cats. Gamzee, before... what happened, happened... we got along alright, but you're angry, and directing it at not only Equius but me. And I'm not even going to go into you two. If someone doesn't step in-"

Nepeta's thought was interrupted by both of them laughing. It wasn't a "this is funny" laugh so much as one of contempt. That made her blood boil and her hands ball into fists at her sides. Neither of them seemed to care or notice. She growled, both of them settling their laughter and looking nervously at her.

"Notice how I didn't say 'auspurrstice'. See, I'm taking this very seriously."

"I don't need an auspistice, kittysis," said Gamzee, eyeing Eridan sideways and polishing his claws on his sleeve ominously. "I need five minutes alone with small-fry and something very sharp."

Nepeta sighed. "Gamzee. Please? If someone doesn't intervene, one of the three of us is going to end up dead." She glanced over to Equius, who was fiddling with something inside the control panel but obviously listening in. "And I don't necessarily mean Eridan or me. Karkat is right. We left to escape death, we shouldn't let it follow us. We're supposed to be a team."

Equius turned around, holding up the spanner meaningfully. "Before you decide, please keep in mind that if either one of you hurts Nepeta again, I will skin you with the claw side of my hammer, blood rank be damned."

"Ooh, swwears. You're really serious."

"Don't make the threat happen sooner, seadweller. My other friendships here are the only reason I haven't sent you outside to learn your lesson. I wonder if you'd survive the initial decompression or if we'd have frozen fish."

"Oh, you think you can scare me? Wwith a threat like that?"

"Stop," Nepeta interjected quickly. "I can't be everyone's auspistice. And Kanaya is taken, so stop trying to get a million trolls into that quadrant, Eridan. And Equius, I expected better of you."

"My apologies, Nepeta. I know I should let you handle this on your own, I just don't want a repeat of yesterday."

"Don't worry. There won't be one." Nepeta's eyes glinted. "Will there, boys?"

"I'm smart enough not to start a fight like this. It'd be eleven against one."

"Are you tryin' to say I'm an idiot, Gam? Comin' from you that's laughable at best."

"Says the motherfuckin' bottomfeeder I'm standing by."

"Stop!" Nepeta growled. Both of them looked towards her, and stopped their words. Eridan crossed his arms, with a little "tch". "Really, Gamzee, what happened was horrible but that's not a good reason for hurting us, and Eridan, provoking him about it is cruel and really stupid."

"I'm not prowoking him, I'm just tellin' it like it is! You have to just get ower it, Gam. It happened, so wwhat?"

"I said I wouldn't stick my bulge in you, but I said nothing about knives."

"You wwouldn't kill me," Eridan said, pulling himself up, trying to look bigger than the other troll. "You'd hawe hell to pay if you did."

"There is a lot I can motherfucking do before you becoming all cold and dead. Trust me."

"That's the only thin' I could ewer trust you on. And you knoww I'm gettin' pretty sick of your wwoe-is-me crap. So wwhat? It's done and ower. Just stop wwhinin' and get your head on right. It's done, get ower it!"

"You don't know the half of my shit, let alone how I feel about anything. On top of all that, it's pretty fucked up for you to motherfucking tell me to just 'get over it'. It doesn't motherfucking work like that. You're not only the stupidest fucking chumsucker, but an asshole to boot. I'd be doing all of us a favor if I killed you. Us and the gene pool if you were really motherfucking moronic enough not to know what was coming. He was doping me up to the eyeballs when I thought I'd come off the sopor, at least I had an excuse for not knowing."

"Guys, I don't think-"

"I'm not that dumb, clowwn, of course I kneww he wwas plannin' to bring out the buckets! I figured you wwouldn't mind! Hell, you got your owwn fuckin' famous bloodlink teachin' you and wwantin' to get closer. Maybe fill your first quadrant and spawn a batch of little Gamzees, horrible as that thought might be." Gamzee flinched, but Eridan kept shouting. "I really didn't knoww he wwas gonna start cuttin' you up! Wwhy wwould my first assumption be that you wweren't happy?"

"Please, that's enough-" Nepeta tried again.

"Why would you assume I was?!" The darkness was starting to pool around Gamzee again. "Are you really such a MOTHERFUCKING SLUT that you can't imagine NOT WANTING TO MOTHERFUCKING PAIL WHOEVER ASKS?"

Eridan barked out a mirthless laugh and snapped "Don't be fuckin' stupid, a' course I didn't _wwant_ to!"


	21. Chapter 21

There was a clatter as Equius dropped his spanner, the shadows disappeared from around Gamzee, and every eye in the room turned to Eridan. The crew was silent, looking at him, trying to figure out exactly what he had meant. They all knew of his sordid past from when he was conscripted, but if the recent past proved anything it was that assumptions were not something they should rely on.

"What do you mean you didn't want to?" Kanaya asked slowly, trying to ask delicately, so as not to upset Eridan any more than he already was. "Were you not attracted to them? Or… was it perhaps something else?"

Far from being any more upset than he had been already, Eridan looked confused. "Wwhat do you mean? C'mon, guys, wwhy wwould I wwant to do somefin that hurt that much? I mean, yeah, I'll do it, I'm not gonna be a wwuss about it, but …"

"Well, yeah, we know it can hurt," Nepeta said, glancing proudly at a burn scar on her arm and its clawed counterpart on Sollux's. "But even if you thought that was what was happening, didn't you think it's unfair for someone to try a kismesissitude with someone half their siz-"

"Wwait, kismesissitude? No, I mean in general. Sorry, Nep, I thought you'd red-pailed before."

Karkat paled. "Fuck. We've got another one."

"Aw, fuck," Gamzee murmured, looking ill. "Fuck, who be up and putting an idea like that in your head, fishbro? I mean, okay, I talked a lotta shit, but I wasn't really gonna do nothin'. I ain't that big of an asshole, I'm just angry, and I wouldn't even have motherfucking said it if I'd known…"

"It isn't like any of them…" Eridan paused, thinking of how to word it. "… carved into me." He flinched reflexively; no one but Karkat was supposed to know about that, but they'd all seen Gamzee's scars. When Gamzee didn't attack he finished his thought. "It was just the regular, you knoww, normal levels of painful."

"Oh my god." Tavros put a hand to his mouth. "Who was it? What did they do?"

Eridan blinked, or at least closed his remaining eye, then laughed. "Aww, guys. Come on, wwe're a bit beyond this wwriggler shit… Oh cod, I'm surrounded by wirgins."

Vriska laughed, "I don't think all of us are virgins, Eridan. I mean you and me, me and Terezi… Nepeta and Sollux? Nepeta and Karkat, then Karkat and Terezi? How about you and Feferi, huh? Sure, some of us probably are. But saying all of us are is flat out wrong. You should know from personal experience." Vriska glanced around the room. "Actually, I think the only virgin here is Toreasnore."

"Ah, actually one time when Aradia and Sollux were flipping pale again she came to my place for a Fiduspawn tournament and we, ummm…"

Vriska stared at Tavros' blush. "Or not. Huh, Pupa Pan's all grown up. Congrats!" She raised her fist for a bump, but he ignored it. Kanaya and Equius both blushed slightly and said nothing.

"So wwhy are you still keepin' up wwith this thin'?" Eridan asked, looking confused again. "I mean, you didn't fake likin' it wwith me, Wris…"

Vriska rolled her eye. "Eridan, I hated our first time because _you sucked at it._ Excuse the pun."

Eridan scoffed, "It might not have been 'the best', wwe wwere both young. Don't just try to be difficult for the sake of bein' difficult. You didn't fake wwith me, the only troll I'we ewer pailed wwith that didn't. You obwiously knoww the truth behind wwhat they try to forcefeed all of us."

"Eridan, what are you talking about?" Feferi sounded confused and exasperated.

"Oh come on, are you all just tryin' to mess wwith me? Ha ha, wery funny, mess wwith Eridan. I get it, I'm the laughin' stock around here, but at least I'm not afraid to be honest about it. Pailin' is gross an' creepy an' really glubbin' painful, no matter the quadrant you do it in. So you all can stop messin' wwith me now, because I am honestly unafraid to say it. Trust me, I tried ewerythin', tryin' to find any truth in the lies they taught us. You actually beliewe all that romantic shit? They just wwant to keep up the bucket supply! I can't beliewe you're all that gullible! Come on, wwhy wwould you still be lyin'? Wwe left, wwe're newer goin' to hawe to send in a bucket!"

Gamzee wasn't so sure about that final point, but he pushed it out of his mind. He looked at Eridan, whose eye was starting to fill with tears, and his contempt mixed with a rush of platonic pity. Little as he wanted to test it at the moment, at least he hadn't been broken so thoroughly he believed pailing could never be anything but a trial for anyone. What the hell had happened to Eridan? He stepped forward and raised a hand, letting it hover in the rough vicinity of Eridan's shoulder, not quite sure if he should touch him.

"I ain't exactly the authority on not-painful pailing. It really ain't something if you enjoyed it, that's all being biology and natural, but you didn't want it and it kind of hurt? Or did you ever say to any of your partners 'no' or like 'stop' and they didn't put their hearclots to your words? Or maybe inside your own thinkpan you wanted it to stop but you didn't say nothing because you knew it wouldn't make any kind of mattering at the troll, or for some reason you couldn't up and be speaking the words?"

Eridan slapped Gamzee's hand away and glared. "I newer said no, I didn't wwant to do it. I kneww it wwould be painful. It wwasn't like that wwas goin' to be a surprise. I mean, seriously, Gam, just because you didn't knoww wwhat wwas goin' to happen doesn't mean all of us are that stupid. Some of us actually did more with our wwrigglerhoods then get high, wwatch the ocean, and announce wwhenever their pants wwere put on correctly. You missed the signs, fine, I can say that is pretty stupid. You wwere in his lap for Gl'bgolyb's sake, wwhat else does that mean? But howw could you not knoww it wwould hurt, wwere you so full of soporific toxins that you didn't even touch yourself? I mean honestly, wwe all had to knoww."

The room was silent, staring at Eridan. All of them were shocked, mostly confused, and no one really knew what to say to him. Eridan's speech had gotten louder as time went on, the silence was long enough that it allowed him to continue.

"I'll admit, I'll owwn up to my past of sleepin' wwith wwhoever I wwanted. That 'wwanted' is used to mean I asked. I tried to believe wwhat they told us in romantic mowies, and I tried to find any part of it that wwas enjoyable. Of course, I thought maybe it wwas the troll, so I wwent through a feww. Can you fault me for trying to find somethin' more than terrible in it? Instead it wwas alwways disgustin' and painful. I honestly wwish I could reject the entire experience, but I can't. At least I learned that eweryone is too afraid to be honest about pailin'. Wwell, fine, I will be. I-"

"Wait," Kanaya interjected, ruining Eridan's diatribe combo. "So you asked them, even though you thought - or knew - that you were going to hate it… Pardon my rudeness, but…" She blinked at him, and finally said "Then _why would you do it?"_She shook her head. "I mean, really. I had the sense to tell you and Equius my flushed quadrant wasn't open to… well, you know what I mean. I didn't just go along with it."

"Oh my god!" Terezi cackled. "How dumb do you have to be to get pailing wrong?"

Vriska joined in her laughter, whooping loudly. "So when you threw up all over me and cried like a grub, that wasn't just because we were drunk?"

"Okay, yeah, I can see how using your nook would be a problem," Karkat said, shaking his head in disbelief, "but short of fucking a cholerbear-trap, how the hell did you manage to make using your bulge hurt?"

Equius gaped, too surprised to even require a towel for the moment. "Uh, wow. That's… either an extremely inappropriate joke or a whole new level of incompetence."

"Um, yeah, ED, that… that doethn't really thound normal."

Sollux's use of the word "normal" seemed to cut through the last of Eridan's defenses. He backed towards the door and a sob bubbled up in his throat.

"Okay." Eridan's voice was tense. "I get it, I'm the laughin' stock of this stupid tugship. But I'm being serious, stop fuckin' wwith me."

"For once we're not actually fucking with you." Karkat shook his head. "Seriously, Eridan. We're not - teasing, maybe, but we're not messing with you. It seems more like you are fucking with us. Why would anyone ever pail if it hurt? Do you have no grasp of basic evolutionary principles on top of all the stupidities we knew about? C'mon, if this is a joke, making it in front of Gamzee is fucking disgusting. Seriously."

Eridan sputtered and shook his head. He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it; he didn't have words for this circumstance. He didn't have any idea what he could say. All of them were still angry, still being mean for no good reason. He didn't want to pail either, but he still did it.

"What is this really about, Eridan?" Vriska asked. "Do you want some type of excuse for why you became the ship's go-to whore? Or are you just trying to pull some type of joke?" Eridan shook his head, swallowing, trying to hold in his sobs.

"Vriska!" Nepeta interrupted quickly.

"Thith ith a really lame joke, ED, if that'th what it ith. Couldn't you have tried thomething a little better or more inventive? One that didn't make uth think you were beating your thex organs with a bag of broken glath."

"Sollux!" Nepeta turned to him.

"Want to give us details or was something recorded?" Feferi hissed.

"Guys, stop it!" Nepeta shouted. "I think he's crying. We-"

"I hope the lot of you get chained up and flayed!" Eridan tried to growl between holding in his sobs. "You're all a bunch of twwisted perwerts, and I hope you get wwhat's comin' to you. At least Gam was proactive enough to get wwhat he deserved." Eridan turned quickly and marched out of the room, keeping his head low and his walk nearly a run.

All of them were left staring at the door, too confused to do more than just stare at where Eridan had vanished off to.

"Was he being serious?" Karkat asked.

"I think he was. Some friends all of you are." Nepeta was shaking her head. "Couldn't you all see how much your words were hurting him? Some of what you said is uncalled for unless you're his kismesis, and the three of you are all broken up with him. You don't get to say those things any more."

Sollux and Feferi looked away from Nepeta, obviously ashamed of their actions. Vriska shook her head. "There's no way he could be serious. Pailing doesn't hurt… Unless you don't want it." Vriska added the last part quickly, glancing over to Gamzee.

"Even then…" Gamzee mumbled.

"You're not about to freak out on him, right?" Nepeta asked softly, putting her hand on Gamzee's shoulder briefly before pulling it away. "'Cause I don't think he can handle it right now."

Gamzee shook his head. "No, he was mad, said things he didn't be meaning. Or maybe he did, but it ain't like it got the matter. I want to, but I won't."

Tavros suddenly stood up from where he was sitting. "Oh, oh."

"What?" Kanaya turned to look at Tavros.

"Uhh. Gamzee," he said softly before his voice gained confidence. "I know you're mad at him, and I don't want to make you mad at me, but, I think I should go after him."

"Why-" Vriska looked at Tavros, and realisation lit up her eyes. "Oh. _Oohh,_ this is like _your_ thing, not like Gamzee's thing… okay, yeah, good idea. Someone should talk to him and you're probably the best choice." She shuffled awkwardly. "Shit, I should have guessed…"

"Huh?" Gamzee stared at Tavros. "What? Did something happen to you?"

"No! No, this is… it's hard to explain, I should talk to him first." Tavros wasn't using his exaggerated "Rufio" mannerisms; he was entirely serious and sure of himself. "I, uhh, I know what he said was horrible, but, well, I'm worried he's going to hurt himself. Karkat's right, we need to avoid anyone getting hurt, that'll just hurt everyone."

Gamzee reached out and let his fingers brush Tavros' hand. "Okay. If you think you can help."

Eridan was curled up in a corner. His gun was in his lap, his left hand draped over it and resting on the trigger. In his right hand, he held three pills from Terezi's bottle. He would only need one.

"Uhh, hey, Eridan." The gun was pointing at Tavros before he could blink. "Okay, I get that you're upset, but I'm here to help."

"Howw can you help?" Eridan turned away, wiping his eye on his scarf.

"Okay." Tavros took a deep breath and sat down next to him. "When you said it hurt, how did you mean?"

"Wwhat, you askin' me if I got some kinda disease?"

"No! Just asking."

Eridan sighed. "Stomach ache. Feelin' sick. Tense. Guess that last one made it worse when I figured lettin' someone fuck me might work better'n stickin' it in them." He sobbed, mucus running down to his lower lip; he'd been crying hard enough that it was tinted with violet blood. "Guess I shoulda fuckin' known better. Like I'd be allowwed to be normal."

"Uhh, I don't think a normal troll would be on this ship anyway. I mean, look at the rest of us." Tavros chuckled, but Eridan only cried harder. "But, seriously, it sounds like you were just really unhappy and freaked out. And, um, what you said sounded kind of familiar, and that sort of confirms it. I've heard some other people say that."

"Are you here to mock me more?"

"No, really, Eridan, it sounds familiar, not exact, but I'm not here to, uhh, tease you or anything. It's kind of a long story, and I don't think now is the right, uhh, time to tell it. But it's familiar."

"So, wwe're all wweird and my wweird is familiar. Wwonderful. Is that all? I'd like to go back to bein' alone."

"It's not weird… well, I guess it is. But, it's not a bad weird, it's just different, and that's not a bad thing."

"Yeah, somefin wwhich could get me killed is a perfect thin'."

"Eridan!" Tavros gripped his shoulders, making him drop the pills, and looked him in the eye. "You are not the only one. I… it's not exactly the same thing, but what you said is… kinda how I felt. Well, mine is just for the one quadrant, but it's the same sort of thing. And I looked around, and I found there are actually a lot of trolls who don't… don't want to pail. Well, not really a lot, but more than you'd think."

Eridan blinked. "W-wwhat?" He grabbed Tavros' shoulders, and hope flooded into his face. "So you must knoww howw to fix it! I just hoped if I kept goin' it'd wwork, but it didn't, there's gotta be somefin else I can do!"

"Um. No, it can't be fixed. It's not something you did, or anything. Just some grubs hatch and grow up that way."

Eridan stared at Tavros, still holding his shoulder. The look of hope and excitement slowly faded until only a hurt, slightly grim expression was left on his features. "Wwhat? No, it has to be fixable."

"It's not, but it's okay."

"No, it's not okay, I'll be killed."

"Who is going to kill you? Uhh, other than the fleet who is chasing us because we are deserters and a rebel group. I don't think anyone here would, uhh, kill you for that. By that logic, they should have already killed all of us for being rebels."

"Taw, Taw, please there has to be somefin. Anythin'."

"I'm sorry. I looked for a cure for myself, but, uhh, no, it doesn't work that way. But it's okay. There's this website I used, um, but I'd rather tell everyone the details at once if I'm going to, because they'll want to know what's going on, as well. But, well, nobody's going to hurt you."

Eridan looked at the floor between his feet, and sobbed again. "I just wwanted to be like eweryone else. I thought if I kept tryin' it'd start to wwork, and then I thought I'd look ewen stranger if I suddenly started saying no after I did all that shit. And then I thought wwhat Gam wwas talkin' about wwas just normal nerwes 'cause I thought it alwways felt that awwful."

"Uhh, 'everyone else' is allowed to say no if they want to, you know?" Tavros held Eridan's hand, and looked a little sterner. "You know what you were doing was really, really dangerous?"

"Wwhy are you helpin' me? I thought you wwere still mad about wwhat I said to Gam."

"That doesn't mean it would have been okay if the same thing happened to you!"

"I don't think the same thing would hawe happened…"

"It could have, though, you, uhh, put yourself in a lot of danger, by building that kind of reputation, on top of the normal rivalries that emerge in a troll's life. I don't mean it it would be your fault if someone did something, but you could have drawn the wrong kind of attention, and even if you don't like it normally, I'm pretty sure being outright forced would be much worse. Or what if you caught some horrible illness from someone, or someone used it to get you alone and unarmed? Even with what, uhh, happened, I might be mad at you… But it's friendship angry, it's not just blind angry. I don't want and I wouldn't, uhh, wish anything like that to happen to you. Despite everything we're all still friends. After what Vriska, uhh, did, and Aradia, and Terezi. They are all still my friends. So are you, just right now I'm, uhh, a little mad. Friends work through those kinds of things. It takes time though, you know?"

Eridan stared. "That sounded kind of, um… pale."

"Oh, uhh, does that make you uncomfortable too? I don't want to make you feel sick or, uhh, anything."

"No." Eridan was still staring, surprised at not only the words but that he was having his conversation. "That doesn't make me feel sick." He laughed bitterly. "I'm pretty sure my feelin's about all the quadrants except the bucket parts really are normal. That's wwhy I thought eweryfin I felt wwas. I thought I could find someone wwho admitted they didn't like it either and wwe could just not do it outside drone season. I thought I could still hawe a normal life…"

"Yeah, 'normal' isn't really an option for anyone here anymore, but, um, that doesn't mean 'happy' isn't. Do you want that website?" Tavros said nervously, trying to disregard how his words sounded; he wouldn't say much more about the whole situation without further prompting. "Sollux set up a thing where we can use the internet without being tracked. We can't send outgoing messages till he fiddles with it a bit more, but reading it might help."

"… Yeah, okay." Eridan shifted and looked at the floor. "Um, if it's not gonna make you feel wweird… could you hug me?"

Tavros unhesitatingly wrapped his arms around Eridan, and after a brief struggle to avoid his wings, Eridan returned the hug.

"I think I got snot on your shirt. Sorry."

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just a shirt. So, um, is this a thing now? Like, a pale thing?"

"If…" Eridan started, then paused, before finding the right words."If you don't think it wwould complicate anythin' and you wwant. I knoww I could use a moirail. I don't knoww about you. But I wwould like it if it was."

"Wow, well… okay, yeah, so would I. In that case, uhh, you and Gamzee probably really do need an auspistice. I don't want to have to choose a side."

"'Kay," Eridan mumbled, nodding. "I'll go talk to Nep."

Karkat squinted at the screen. "The 'Aconcupiscent Invisibility and Education Network'? What the fuck?"

"Uhh, yeah, 'fuck' being the operative term and the answer being 'nothing'. As in, it's for trolls who don't like to. Fuck, I mean." Tavros was slightly orange in the face, and nobody was quite sure if it was because of the topic or because he'd just cursed twice in quick succession.

Gamzee blinked, totally confused. "Huh?"

Tavros pointed and read off the screen, his voice unusually steady. "'Aconcupiscence, sometimes known as non-concupiscence, may refer to any of the following: 1) a lack of sexual attraction to others, 2) a lack of interest in sex, 3) a lack of romantic interest in one or more quadrants. Despite the common term, lack of interest in the conciliatory quadrants is also possible. This condition is not caused by any illness or trauma, and is not a failing on the part of the troll, but under Empire law is punishable by culling. The mission of the AIEN is to collect information about the condition and spread knowledge of and sympathy for our plight, while simultaneously doing all in our power to protect and support our individual members'."

Equius frowned. "Some might call this treasonous talk, Nitram."

"Uhh, we're already just a _little_ bit beyond worrying about that, don't you think?" Tavros said, as Eridan quietly facepalmed.

Vriska nodded. "Yeah, I guess I owe you an apology, Eridan. I should have guessed from what you said, Tavros told me enough about it before - actually this is why he and I needed Kanaya to step in. I was quadrant-flipping pretty hard, and he wasn't flushed and can't feel black."

"And you didn't make fun of him or immediately spread it around?" Karkat sounded shocked. "Wow, Kanaya has been good for you."

"Hey, I figured it was just a phase! I was a pretty late bloomer flushed-wise, I thought it was the same thing for him. Guess it wasn't."

"It worked out okay for us, though, didn't it?" Tavros said, smiling at Kanaya, who ruffled his hair.

"Yeah, it'th a bit weird but it'th not like any of uth were keen to pail ED anyway," Sollux said with a grin.

Eridan scowled. "I blame you for this, you knoww. You sent me all those stupid shock wideos, no wwonder I greww up wwith a wwarped wieww of pailing."

"Hey, I watched thothe too and I don't puke when AA and I-"

Eridan clasped his hands over his hearducts and started to sing loudly and off-key. "Lalala I am not listening lalala god I hate you…." Aradia gently poked Sollux in the ribs as everyone tried not to laugh.

"So, yeah, that's what was going on, and, uhh, Eridan really needs help right now, so now, um, we're, uhh…" Tavros' blush deepened. "…moirails. Which is why I really think he and Gamzee need Nepeta. I'd like both of them to stay alive."

Nepeta smiled. "I'm okay with it, how about the both of you? Because, really, we need to get to this place alive."

Gamzee looked at Eridan and sighed. More than just Tavros' words echoed around his head. He nodded. "Fine, I can let it happen. I owe both of you a motherfucking lot, least I can be doing is try."

Nepeta clapped. "How about you, Eridan? I know you kind of talked to me, but are you still okay with it?" Eridan nodded. He felt awkward enough with talking about all of this, he just found out the name for it and learned the basics. He still didn't know exactly how he felt. He still felt a little bit like a freak, but some part of him was comforted he wasn't alone and that it wasn't a sickness.

Nepeta clapped again, and grabbed onto Eridan's wrist and drug him over to Gamzee. "The furst order of business is to have both of you apologize and say something nice. I can do that no purroblem. Eridan and Gamzee, I'm sorry if I said anything or did anything that hurt you. And both of you are pretty awesome. Eridan can shoot his rifle with one hand, which is awesome. And Gamzee, I don't know anyone in the world who is as funny as you can be." Nepeta's smile was almost contagious.

"Okay, uhh, well… I'm real sorry, kittysis. I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess and what I said was fucking terrible, though I guess this is something good that's coming from it." Gamzee stared at his shoes. "You're the most forgiving troll I know. Nobody woulda batted an eye if you killed someone who did that to you, but now I'm in your quadrant." Gamzee shuffled for a moment. "And, uhm, Eridan… Well, it ain't like this is making me magically not-mad, but… shit, bro, that ain't no way to live! Sorry, for freaking you out, but you gotta admit, not even a warning was a little cold. But I'll forgive you for the stuff even though that don't stop me from being mad, but I'm real sorry about what I did to you too. What I did was worse and I was wrong and at least I can sorta see why you said what you did now but I didn't have any reasons other than being an asshole. And I won't do it again and I owe you big and shit I'm rambling… You get me. Is that okay, kittysis?"

Nepeta shrugged. "Close enough. Now, Mr. Ampurra?"

"Sorry I used to creep you out, Nepeta, I guess. It wwasn't intentional… And um, sorry for not wwarnin' you, Gam."

Nepeta pulled her hands away from Eridan's wrist to clap again. "Look, see, progress, and we can all be furrends, or close to furrends again."

Both of them nodded, and without Nepeta holding on to him Eridan reflexively backed up a little bit from being that close to both of them. He fidgeted for a moment. "By the wway, thanks, Gam. I mean that, about sayin' it's no way to liwe. I know what you meant, at least I'm pretty sure, and thanks for being nice about it."

"Why wouldn't I be? It ain't like you got to choose to be that way." Gamzee shrugged. "If it's something that comes natural to you I won't fault you for being like it. And… I was wrong. You're not a coward. You stepped in for Nepeta when she was needing someone."

"Heh. Thanks." Eridan rubbed his neck and smiled. "You're not such a bad guy, Gam. Wwell, you wwon't be if you let yourself be helped."

"Thank you too." Gamzee looked at Tavros. "You said it's only the black quadrant you're missing, right?"

"'Missing' isn't the way I'd choose to put it, but, uhh, yeah, that's the only one I don't do. Are you asking for the reason I think you're asking?"

Gamzee looked down, pity filling his heart more than ever. He smiled just a bit and shrugged. He didn't really feel like bring it up in front of everyone. Karkat and him had a very public announcement of their moirallegiance, now this, he didn't feel like making it a trend with his romantic life. Anyway, there was a big risk in him talking about it, and he didn't feel like taking it when everything was starting to look up. Now wasn't the time to push his luck.

"We can talk about it more later, bro. Right now, I think there are some other things we have got to do."

Nepeta clenched her fists and crossed her arms in front of her. Gamzee and Eridan looked at each other, then assumed the position themselves, and they executed a perfect three-way fist-bump.

"Purrfect!" Nepeta squealed. "I am so purroud of you both!"

"Aww," Eridan mumbled, smiling and shrugging.

Nepeta scurried off into the corner and picked up her computer.

"Hey, what's up there, kittysis?… Are you updating that stupid shipping wall?"

Eridan slapped his forehead again. "Oh cod, the fuckin' shipping wall - wwe're gonna end up auspisticisin' for Nep and eweryone else when she rambles on about this…"

"See?" Nepeta said, delighted. "Already you're agreeing on something!"

Gamzee looked sideways at Eridan. "Uh. Sorry about everything. Really I am."

"It's okay, I'm sorry about wwhat I said, too. An' it could hawe been wworse," Eridan said, tugging gently at his eyepatch. "I still hawe enough eyes to see, and I guess this got me an in wwith Taw, he says I look pretty pitiful noww." He chuckled. "Okay, you hurt me pretty bad, but you also led to me learnin' there's a name for wwhat wwas goin' on wwith me and gettin' twwo quadrants filled in a day, and they're the ones I don't ewer hawe to pail in. I think I wwin."


	22. Chapter 22

"Karbro, you really don't need to be watching me while I'm cooking. There ain't really room for two in here."

"Yes I do. I can't leave you alone with sharp things, I want to make sure your thinkpan's not so addled you wind up slicing your fingers off."

Gamzee translated this from Karkat-speak, and sighed. "I ain't gonna be killing myself now, bro. If I was planning that I'd have done it before we up and left."

"It's just…"

"It's just what? You think that I'm going to snap and hurt myself or others? Ain't that why you're here?"

"Well yes, to put it bluntly. That's also, why I'm right here. So it doesn't happen." Karkat paused, and continued. "So do you think you're going to be okay now you and the guys have an official agreement?"

Gamzee chewed his lip. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so… uh, don't take this as saying you ain't a good moirail, please, but there's only one of you and a little backup is a big help. And yeah, I think they'll be able to help us both. I'll do my motherfucking best."

"Good." Karkat shook his head. "I think Eridan needs you and Nepeta as much as you need this. If we left him alone he'd do worse to himself than you ever could have."

"… Am I coming in at a bad time?" Feferi said, peering around the door. "I wanted to talk to Gamzee, but I don't know if he wants to talk to me."

"He's just cooking, it's already kind of cramped in here, but I'll see what we can do. Gamzee, put the knife down, and talk."

"I can keep cooking and talk, just 'cause a knife's in my mitt don't mean I'm going to use it on things other than food," Gamzee mumbled towards his hands not willing or wanting to look up.

Karkat shifted so Feferi could slide into the room. With the three of them in the room, there was hardly space to move around. Karkat heard Gamzee's breathing hitch, and all of the things he had been theorizing seemed to be coming together.

"What do you need, fishsis?" Gamzee could even tell how strained his voice was, he was sure they could too. He tried to blank out like he used to, but his fears were out of control, and he couldn't seem to keep hold of them.

"Well," Feferi sighed. "It's just… Eridan is high-maintenance and a bit difficult to deal with. I don't just say this as his ex-kismesis either. I've been with him in all four quadrants at different times, and I know what it's like. I also know Tavros is a bit… sensitive. Now I might be worrying over nothing, and Tavros can probably look after himself, but if things do go wrong…" Feferi took a deep breath. "I know you care about Tavros, but even if he does get hurt, please don't try to hurt Eridan in turn. I know Nepeta's the one who should be mediating between you two, but I've known Eridan longer than she has, so I thought I should warn you."

"I understand." Gamzee was fidgeting, and Karkat noticed how strained his voice sounded. "Anything else?"

"Oh… umm, well, Gamzee… I wanted to say sorry about what happened. I know it doesn't help, but I've wanted to say it since I found out. You've been running away, or finding a way to leave every time I've talked to you or tried." Feferi looked down briefly before straightening up and looking back at him. "Is there a reason for that?"

Gamzee turned to face her, Karkat watched every part of Gamzee tense as he looked at her. "No, don't worry yourself over it. Just I don't like being around trolls much anymore." He swallowed, nervous and mostly terrified. If she grew about two feet they'd be identical. After her pupation he didn't know what he was going to do. "See, I'm not running away now."

"Don't lie to me, Gamzee." His stomach tensed at her tone of voice. He took another breath and tried to let this conversation continue without being obvious. "I've tried to talk to you when no one else was around, you still run off."

"Sorry about that, I'll make sure it doesn't happen again…" He had to shake his own tone of voice away. "Promise."

She tried to give him an encouraging smile, and he looked away, thinking of seadweller teeth in the Highblood's mouth. Looking away didn't help, as he saw his own face in the polished metal of the cabinet. Little similarities seemed to spring out at him. Her smile was getting to him, and she wasn't as fine-built as she had been. Instead she looked stockier, less like royalty and more like a soldier. Though it was obvious by her hands she was actually the heiress.

"Gamzee." He could almost hear her voice when she spoke. He clutched the knife tighter in his hand. "What's wrong? You look sick. Do you need any help?"

"I'm fine," he said, too quickly to be the truth. He cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to get her to leave. He could feel his bloodbeat getting stupid again, and he really didn't want to have one of those attacks when he was holding a knife, or when he was in a cramped space, or in front of her. Karkat would be okay, he had handled them before.

"Anything else, fishsis? I got that I shouldn't be mad at Eridan if he breaks his diamond with Tav, and I should stop running away from you… Got any other words for me or can I be finishing up food for all of us?" He tried looking over at her, not managing to look at her; he looked just over her shoulder, but it was close enough. She should be happy he could manage that much when she was still smiling. He could take in her silhouette this way, and had to focus harder on the wall further away, noticing even more. He had wished, prayed, and hoped that they had been lying about that.

It could just be he was seeing things because they had made that insinuation. He tried to calm himself down and pretend that all of the things he was seeing were mere coincidence, and he'd get over it sooner rather than later. She was right, he couldn't keep running away from her. It was getting suspicious, and the last thing he needed was for her to ask him why until he gave an honest answer. The whole ship knew who and what had happened. He'd like to keep his, and maybe her, sick beginnings to himself, and not have to talk to any of them on the subject.

"No, that's it…" Feferi said slowly. She couldn't help but feel like he was trying to worm his way out of the conversation. But it could have just been because he wanted to finish cooking. "I'll see you at dinner then."

"See you then."

Feferi nodded, and lingered a moment longer, before she took her leave.

Karkat waited long enough he was pretty sure Feferi was out of earshot, then moved closer to Gamzee, but not too close. "She looks that much like the Empress?" he muttered, low enough that he was pretty sure only the two of them heard.

Gamzee nodded, and busied himself in the cabinet, staring into it so he didn't catch sight of his own reflection. He supposed he should be thankful for the scars; they made him look less like them.

* * *

Feferi sighed and slumped next to Sollux. "Well, I told him. I hope everything does work out well."

"Yeah. Okay, I hate ED'th gutth and what he did wath moronic, but thtill, ouch. He needth AT… I thould thart calling him TTh or thomething. But AT, right now, I think." Sollux started to comb through Feferi's hair with his fingers, and it twined itself lovingly around his wrists. "And GZ'th been fucking weird - he wath athking about uth a few dayth ago, like were we thtill pale and how wath it going, and he wath really creepy about it. I'd have thought he'd picked up thhipping from AC, but thith wath before their thing. Tho I'm wondering if he'th gonna do the thame now. Hope not."

"That does sound weird. Maybe he's just insecure. You did have a pale thing with Karkat a while back, maybe Gamzee's scared you still have feelings for him?"

Sollux laughed. "Yeah, the firtht ever moirallegianthe where the pair make each other more pithed off, and I broke up hith matethpritthhip. That wath a bad idea all round. Don't get me wrong, KK'th cool, but…" He snuggled up to her and purred. "GZ'th got nothing to worry about there."

"I don't think you can fault him for being worried. He does reelly need a moirail right now. He's probably just making sure that it won't turn out badly, or that no one is going to interfere. You had a thing once, no doubt he'd making sure it's really over."

Sollux nodded and they sat in silence for a while, claws running lightly through each other's hair, until Sollux suddenly said "What'tth the etiquette for being pithed off at people on behalf of your friend'th moirail? I mean, EQ wath kind of a jerk to GZ, but I'm actually thtarting to like the guy. When he dropth the hemothpectrum crap he'th kind of fun, and KK and GZ jutht won't thee that maybe he wathn't actually trying to be hurtful. It wath awkward enough that he'th my thpademate'th moirail…"

"I'm really having a hard time imagining Equius and the concept of 'fun' together." Feferi sighed. "I don't know, I've been a bit conflicted myself. For shallower reasons, though."

"Theen him working with hith jumpthuit undone?" Sollux grinned.  
Feferi tried and failed to contain the flush on her cheeks. She dropped her head to hide it at the very least. She knew she shouldn't bring it up. But things were starting to repair. Sollux was a neutral party and her moirail, honestly she should have been able to talk to him about it.

"I take that as a yeth." Sollux laughed a little. "Tho, you're finally fluth cruthing again. On EQ ,no doubt."

"I wouldn't call it a flushcrush. Appreciation, yes, but he's so annoying! Not in a caliginous way, either."

"I think he'th getting better. Thlowly, but at leatht he'th uthing my name now. Okay, yeah, I'd never have talked to him if I didn't have to, but I did, and he'th not- okay, he ith, but he'th potentially not ath bad ath we thought. And we do know he maketh a great moirail… am I allowed to thay that conthidering who hith moirail ith?"

"I don't see why you can't. I can appreciate his skills, that doesn't mean I want to date him, or do anyfin with him. He is still carping on about the hemospectrum. It's just…"

"You're looking for a reathon now. Be honeth with me and with yourthelf. If you have a cruthh on him tho what? You're not being a bitch or a bad perthon becauthe of it. What he did, or I gueth what he didn't do, ith tharting to become old newth. GZ ith thlowly coming around. EQ ith trying to make up for it. I don't think he meant for it to happen. I don't think ED meant for it to happen either. They methed up, I know if I would have been the one he wath talking to I would have methed up. Ath long ath they regret it, you're allowed to have feelingth. Thith is thuppothedly the betht thweepth we get. Early conthricption until we hit fifteen. Don't let all thith bog you down."

Feferi sighed, and lightly scratched at Sollux's scalp with her claws. "Do you think he would be good for me?"

"That'th the thpirit. He'd offthet a lot of your qualitieth. He'th quiet, you're loud."

"Hey!"

"You are, that'th not a bad thing. It's jutht you are. But yeah, I think he'd be good for you. At leath it'th not some athhole. Hopefully, you'd lithten to me if it wath."

"Of course!" Feferi beamed. "I do wish he'd drop the hemospectrum thing once and for all, but he's not a bad troll, just a bit set in his ways… Would you be terribly hurt if I talked to Nepeta about him?"

"No, no, that'th okay. Actually, I think you'd get on okay with her, the fithh-cat thing athide. Then if you become friendth thhe and I can thtrife over her taking away your time with me," Sollux chuckled. "Tho, you, me, and AC in a three-pronged attack; Operation Make EQ Leth Of A Dick ith go."

* * *

"Equius?"

The blueblood nearly dropped his spanner again. "Y-Your Highness! Ahem. Yes. Hello." He made a motion which both passed off as a salute and allowed him to wipe his brow. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to thank you, and apologise. I know all of us have been worried, and nervous, but you've been really nice through all of this.I wanted to apologise for the stress, but thank you for working so hard on the ship to keep it going."

"I'm happy to help maintain this ship, I also wish to arrive wherever we land in one piece."

"It's a pretty good jug of bolts, I mean, it's falling apart, but it's our falling-apart-jug-of-bolts." Feferi smiled, nervously patting the wall. "I mean it, thank you for making this ship a bit more habitable while we are on it."

"No apology is needed, Your Highness. I am only doing my part as I would expect anyone else among all of us to do. Though I am very grateful you've chosen to acknowledge my contribution."

"There is no need to be so formal, I'm not "Your Highness" or "The Empress" yet. All I am is the Heiress. It's alright, Equius, I'm fine if you want to speak to me as an equal… We are friends after all." Feferi could watch a blush spread across Equius' cheek before he grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his neck.

"I don't know if that would be… correct. Despite my distaste for Eridan and most other seadwellers, you are the Heiress, the soon to be Empress. I feel as if it would trespassing upon something."

"It wouldn't be - I'm asking, aren't I? You don't have to refer to me by my tidal. Just as Feferi, your friend."

"I can't look pasture station… I mean—" Equius' blush deepened, Feferi let out a little giggle.

"I like the musclebeast puns. Don't eel you have to tide oar apologise aboat those either.. Oh wait! I have one! We'll have to appearch all of this with equinimity!" Feferi smiled, looking up to the blueblooded troll who was rubbing the back of his neck with the towel around his shoulders, fluffing his hair the tiniest amount. The smile faded to her having to chew on her lip.

"That was a fine and _strong_ pun, Heiress." Equius cleared his throat slightly. "I was being honest, I feel as if it would be right for me to refer to you correctly."

"Equius, is it too difficult to call my by my name?"

"Well. It's just…" Equius' trembling hand swept the screwdriver off the panel, and both of them went to grab it. Equius yelled a warning, too late, and then froze as he realised Feferi's hand was resting unharmed in his, wrapped around the screwdriver.

"Y-… I'm not crushing your bones," he said stupidly, trying desperately not to clench his hand.

Feferi chuckled. "I swim with Gl'bgolyb in the deepest ocean under millions of tons of water. A handshake isn't a problem." His hand was sweaty, and hers slipped out easily; she'd expected the smell to be unpleasant, but it wasn't really that prominent, not as sour as most land-dwellers tended to be. Just a little salty, which she found she liked. It almost smelled like home.

"Wh-while you're here," Equius stammered, face bright blue, "I'd like to apologise for my previous disruptive behaviour during this voyage. That was dangerous to all on board, and I should have known better, I've been working so hard on controlling my temper. I promise it won't happen again. I should be fine, I have plenty of mechanical problems to distract me…"

"Thank you." Feferi smiled. "I think you're doing a great job."

Equius stuttered something and decaptchalogued another towel.


	23. Chapter 23

They had been on this ship for about a week now, and Icatus Gritch had decided he missed his own ship. The subjugglators gave them a wide enough berth, choosing not to interact with the bluebloods or violetbloods more than they had to. All except the few subjugglator trainees who had also been promoted, along with their mentors, who seemed displeased at the fact they had to share close quarters with not only a seadweller but also a blueblood.

Gritch couldn't exactly complain about their lodgings, they were guests of the Highblood and given the best treatment that SAIGE-40 had to offer. They did manage to always have a few hours to themselves every day as the purplebloods either did their church work or were busy worshipping their terrifying gods. The time alone was nice, but even spending a short time in such close quarters with any of the purplebloods left a lot to be desired.

"Pardon me, Mentor Gritch." The young purpleblood - he couldn't remember his name - walked past him, the pardon just so he'd move out of the way. He had to give one thing to the subjugs, their trainees were some of the most respectful he had ever witnessed. He'd ask them their secret if he didn't suspect it had something to do with the fact that the Tents were always looking for sacrifices. Young subjugs tended to be a favorite.

Preosh and Gartel had claimed a spot in the strife practice area, and Gritch decided to go and keep an eye on them. He found them at the centre of a loose gathering of purpleblood students, along with a couple of blues and violets, including the blueblood teacher Harkol. The two violetblood girls were perfectly matched, their fighting styles showing clear signs of having learned together; they'd been kismeses since puberty, and naturally had been each other's most common strife partners. Kismeses practicing together could be dangerous, but of course that was the point; nothing prepared a student for battle like an opponent they knew wouldn't hold back. The girls moved with the grace common to seadwellers, Preosh's flail chains and the razor wire Gartel had rigged up her bladed yo-yo with flashing in the air around them. Cheers and woofbeast-whistles arose from the crowd as the yo-yo cracked against Preosh's horn and sent her staggering, only to return the attack with even more enthusiasm.

Gritch sighed nostalgically. Ah, young hate.

They weren't being any more dangerous than they had been before. To most it wouldn't seem reserved, but Gritch could tell both of them were training hard but taking fewer risks than normal. Still not being sure of their whole mission, let alone of the medteams on the ship, probably increased the worry. Gritch didn't want any of his students to show up injured in front of the Highblood, more than the occasional bruise.

He didn't particularly want any of his students to spend more time around the Highblood than they had to. Icatus Gritch prided himself on being a forward-thinking troll, he had been too young or not born when the majority of the landdweller-seadweller rivalry occurred. He had secondhand prejudice that he grew out of, unlike some of the few older seadwellers. He held no platonic loathing for any landdweller, unless they were lazy or intentionally stupid. He hated seadwellers for the same reasons, so he guessed that made it even.

The Highblood just struck him as odd, or slightly off. The more he thought about his life, the more he realized that, though many low-generations had passed, he could not remember a government without the purpleblooded troll. That did little to settle his emotions. It wasn't unheard of for a troll to live a long time, his own blood was testament to that, but subjugglators tended to get themselves killed much sooner. He examined his mental picture of the Highblood's face, trying to guess his age more accurately, until he was forced to give up out of combined inability and nerves. That smile belonged on a shark more than a troll.

He watched as the flail wrapped around the metal-enforced string of the yo-yo and knocked it from making skinfall. Gartel sneered, reeling it back for another attack, making a small error and leaving her other arm open to a quick strike with the chains of the flail. It was a fluid dance and if not for the worry that it might end badly it would be a joy to watch.

Shuran Harkol had moved closer to him while he was watching. He gave Gritch a sleazy wink and nodded to the girls. "One of the perks of the job, eh?"

"I'd, uh, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk that way about my students?" Gritch said, trying to sound stiff and disapproving but slipping into his usual unsure tone. He hated that about himself, but he had little to be confident about; he'd never fit in with the popular crowd when he was a wriggler, he'd been stuck in a low rank for all the centuries of his long life, and he had his suspicions the students didn't appreciate his efforts to relate to them as much as he hoped. Not that he didn't love his job, oh no, it was a vital and well-respected position even if not as glorious as some, and he was sure he was fussing over nothing with regards to the students' thoughts on him. He'd had the highest percentage of surviving students per sweep of all the violetblood teachers for the past century, so clearly he was doing something right, and why wouldn't the students like him? He made an effort to be pleasant and approachable while not being soft on them. He avoided killing them unless it was necessary, and took every step to make sure it wasn't, though he never held back when it was. Tough but fair, that was him.

Thinking of killing his students made him think of Eridan. Pity about that boy, he'd have gone far if he'd only applied himself more. According to the girls, he'd been too "busy" with extracurricular activities. Silly boy. It was unsettling to think that the kid deserved to meet any fate that had been promised since they had been promoted. Defecting was terrible, but they were young, the promise of power or the promise of adventure would be enough to sway the most loyal of trolls. There was no guarantee once a troll was conscripted they'd become anything more than low-ranking. As Gritch knew well, the longer a troll lived at low rank, the more other trolls wanted nothing to do with you.

"What? I was just saying, it's nice to watch the younglings practice. See the way they behave." It was a poor cover on Harkol's part, and Gritch wasn't too sure he wanted to get into it with the other mentor. That wouldn't set any type of positive example for his students. Preosh and Gartel reset to begin another fight. A few of the other students were mumbling around them. Gritch was sure that they had caught the eye of a few of the trolls watching them. Both were smart, capable, and free trolls. That was one horrible downfall of having so many young recruits in an area together. He wondered if that had been Eridan's problem. But if what Preosh said was true, that people were happy to… take advantage of him, but didn't like him, that had to have hurt. Gritch frowned again; he wouldn't outrightly disobey his superiors, but he wasn't sure if Eridan deserved to be killed for what he did. He couldn't make claims to any of the other rebels, but he seriously doubted Eridan had meant to hurt the Empire by it. Gritch vaguely remembered the original Sufferists; he'd been barely more than a grub at the time, held up in Squidpop's tentacles to watch the execution from the sky above the crowd. He did know their strength lay in words, wicked lies wheedling into the hearts of Empire-fearing trolls. Poor naive Eridan, he was evidently easy to talk into things, he'd probably been an easy target.

The purpleblood he'd passed in the hallway was watching intently. Gritch didn't like the way the purpleblooded watchers were eyeing the bleeding nicks and cuts on the combatants' skin. He rather liked his own blood where it was, and he had the uncomfortable thought that mixing his with that of the bluebloods would make the subjugglators' own holy shade. He wished he still had a living moirail, he could have done with some backup. He tried not to look scared as the boy turned to talk to him.

"Mentor Gritch." he said softly, moving into to some type of open-armed bow. It was short enough the action didn't quite compute with the violetblooded troll. "Ganmed Lomust." The introduction was brief, a reminder of a name he was sure he heard before. "Are you doing well?"

Either the purpleblood could sense his fear or his disapproval, which neither would have surprised him they usually had some type of psychic power. The boy didn't seem like he meant any harm by his question; still, Gritch always had to wonder about subjugglators' intentions.

"I'm quite alright, more concerned for when they are going to get tired?" The lie was pretty simple, he had too much on his mind to fully orate, let alone at a subjugglator who would probably see about getting him killed for some of his thoughts.

Lomust looked appreciatively as Preosh sent Gartel reeling with a kick to the gut. "Don't suppose one of them might be open to another match when they're done? I always like to test myself against different styles. Or maybe you could offer some advice?"

"If you're willing, I'm sure I can find something new to teach you, eh? You're very friendly for your, uh…" Gritch paused, unable to find a way to finish his sentence.

"He means he's surprised you're not gutting him," Harkol added helpfully.

"That's silly. My weapon is a crushing one."

"I'm sure that brings him quite a bit of peace." Harkol said. "What do you need?" Gritch didn't miss the quick face Lomust made, no doubt displeased with Harkol's barging into their conversation. Lomust cleared his throat, looking over towards Harkol.

"Would you mind leaving?"

"You got me curious what a wriggler subjug wants to learn from a seadweller." Harkol didn't have a smile but his tone suggested a sarcastic one.

"What? I like to learn new stuff. I can't learn enough just by fighting other neophytes, I need to know new tricks from somewhere. There's a billion trolls in the empire and each one's got something different to teach, why should I restrict myself?"

"Very poetic?" Gritch said, raising an eyebrow and scowling as Harkol snickered.

"Besides, I can't only fight other purples. We need different colours for-"

"Yes, I think we get the picture!"

"Aw, sir, I wouldn't kill you in a practice fight!"

Preosh staggered up, bloodied but triumphant, Gartel nursing a black eye and bloodied nose in the ring. A couple of other recruits were already helping her tidy herself up, and she was milking it for all it was worth; even Gritch, who normally had no eye for such things, could smell pity-flings brewing. Preosh threw a salute. "Sorry, did I interrupt something, sir?"

"Not exactly, I was just speaking with… Lomust? About the idea of a practice strife with you or Gartel, or something along those lines." The purpleblood nodded, looking over at Preosh, and still eyeing her wounds. "A conversation you can be a part of. I bet you are, but are you all right?"

Preosh nodded, a smile on her face. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You put on quite a show back there." Harkol was somewhere between that greasy smile and a legitimate one. "Very impressive."

"Thanks, sir," she said, as shortly as she dared, and glanced sideways at Ganmed. "You said you were up for a match?"

"Oh, yes!" Ganmed was practically glowing with joy. "I've never faced flailkind before, that's unusual."

"Oh, it's not too unusual for me, but I guess it's not that common of a weapon. What am I going against?"

"Staffkind," Lomust said, unnecessarily, as he produced the weapon in question from his specibus. A good weapon, as befitted a purpleblood; solid well-polished wood, topped with a barkbeast skull.

"Oh, I hate those," Preosh muttered. Gritch knew what she meant; if the chains got tangled on her opponent's weapon she could be disarmed, and it was easy to accidentally get them wrapped around a staff. She was good enough with the flail that such an outcome was less likely than it might have been, though. He found himself quite keen to see this match. Now he looked, the boy wasn't eyeing Preosh like a fresh steak, or more accurately a new paint-pot, as so many of the others were; he seemed actually interested in talking to her. Gritch hoped he was reading the signs right, but then Preosh could handle herself even if he wasn't. If he was, well, Preosh had lost her wrigglerhood moirail to the culling drones and her matesprit was now a runaway, maybe something good could come of this…

Ganmed and Preosh made their way towards the ring she had just vacated. There was a whisper among a few of the other subjugglator students. This would be one of the first strifes between divisions, aside from the mentor fights that were purely to show the younglings how to battle effectively. Ganmed's mentor was eyeing the ring as much as Gritch (and, as he saw with a little glance sideways, Harkol) was. No doubt all of them thought this fight would be impressive.

"One rule," Preosh said loud enough the room could hear, as was tradition. "No psychics, I've never faced a subjugglator initiate before."

"I would have guessed it would have been no gill shots," Ganmed said with a smile. "No problem, you can face all of me later if the strife goes well."

They circled in silence, Preosh's flail-chains clinking together and Ganmed's staff at the ready, until he suddenly swept it forward. Preosh ducked under it and her weapon's chains whacked against his side, causing him to let out a shrill honk of surprise, let go of the staff with one hand, and swing the fist down on the back of her neck.

Harkol tutted. "Clumsy, clumsy."

"Watch them closely, Filona learns fast," Gritch said, for once sounding sure of himself. His students were his pride; if he could rely on nothing else, he had his faith in them.

"I'm impressed you think so highly of a few wrigglers." Harkol's disbelief was nearly tangible in his voice. "Then again I guess you do know them quite well. I wouldn't let any of mine face a subjug without a promise of them making it out alive."

"I don't think he's going to kill her. Not without his mentor's approval. Which wouldn't be granted seeing as the… Highblood is fond of her?"

Preosh slid back, not entirely out of the staff's range, but enough she could assess Ganmed's form. She hadn't forgotten the rules he taught her, and Gritch had to stop himself from smiling. Her first time fighting an opponent meant she had to do some quick study. Ganmed, true to subjugglator form, kept himself still, giving very little about his tactics away. No doubt when he had a chance he'd let himself go and then Preosh could have a better study of his style.

"I nearly forgot about that." Harkol said, his eyes not off the battle. "I don't suppose you know why the Highblood is fond of a seadweller."

"Honestly, I don't really know," Gritch said. "She did speak up in front of him, maybe he likes her bravery? Or maybe he just likes seadweller girls, Her Imperious Condescension is his moirail, after all?" It sounded a little lame to him, but he couldn't think why else. He hoped it was that innocent. For all he knew, the Highblood thought Preosh had a particularly nice shade of blood. Harkol looked less than impressed by his answer, but it was all Gritch could give. Asking any troll why the Highblood liked something was pretty stupid. Then again no troll would presume to ask the Highblood why he liked something, lest the troll asking became something he disliked.

Preosh made the first move this time; had Ganmed fought with her before he would have known it was a feint towards his legs. When he moved to defend it the handle of her flail knocked against his cheek. Ganmed slammed his staff against her side. Hard enough Gritch could watch her take a sharp inhale, and have to remember how to breath while she tried to dodge the next attack.

"Not too bad," Ganmed said with a smile. "Don't forget to keep blocking if you can't stand a little wound."

"I've given myself worse injuries brushing my teeth!" Preosh said, smirking even as she continued gasping for breath. Gartel had stopped her dramatics and was watching, licking her lips. Preosh swung the flail again, aiming for Ganmed's horns, and he nearly fell backwards in the attempt to duck. "Hey, this is fun! Maybe I should strife with you more often."

Ganmed smiled slightly, letting himself move back away from the close range and easy attacks. "You're pretty fun to be honest. I'm surprised in a good way, I didn't think seadwellers had a lot of fight in them." Ganmed spun the staff in his hand before locking it in his grip. "Saw too many wash up on shore when I was a wriggler." Ganmed's moves were flashy, and a great distraction for the hit he was aiming towards her knees.

Preosh saw the blow coming and jumped, not fast enough; the staff caught her and knocked her down to one knee. Ganmed realised his mistake as she punched him in the groin, bringing him down as well, and they ended up tussling on the floor. There was a rip, and Preosh's shirt gave way beneath Ganmed's claws.

Harkol joined in the whooping and whistling. "Go for the belt next!"

Suddenly, he found his collar in the surprisingly strong grip of Icatus Gritch, the seadweller staring him coldly in the eye.

"Do. Not. Talk. That. Way. About. _My. Students."_

Harkol's eyes went wide, everyone in the room was looking at them. Gritch didn't particularly care. This troll was disgusting, preying on barely-adult trolls. Gritch had had about enough of his comments towards Harkol's own students. The last thing Gritch wanted was from his students to have to deal with the same mistreatment. These were delicate times for the younglings. They didn't need some paltry adult taking advantage of them.

"You're a little uptight don't you think? It was just a comment." Harkol tried to laugh it off. That only made Gritch's grip tighten on the other troll's collar. "It was a joke."

"I'm sure it was," Gritch hissed, his eyes narrowing.

Even the two combatants had paused and sat up to watch. Ganmed was still beaming like a wriggler at a party, despite the cuts he now bore on his face. "Wow, your teacher's cool."

"Sir? With all due respect, I can take care of myself. I'm not a wriggler anymore," Preosh said, looking at Gritch with slight concern and then glaring viciously at Harkol. "I'm sure we won't have any more problems, will we?"

Harkol looked over to Preosh, the grip on his collar lessening. There was no doubt he was hiding his real expression, but he let out a little smile. "Yeah, we won't have any more problems." Gritch released the blueblood and looked over to Preosh.

"It wasn't a matter of taking care of yourself, I can't stand those type of comments. You were busy, a team always looks out for each other." Any time was a good time to impart knowledge to his students.

"Thanks," she said, unable to hide a slight scowl.

"Hey, be nice, kid, your mentor was doing you a favour," said Harkol, much to the surprise of the onlookers. He looked sideways at Gritch. "Could do with taking the stick out of his chute, but I think I like him. You got more grit than I thought, seadweller." He thumped Gritch's back, knocking his glasses off.

Gritch gritted his teeth, picking his glasses up and trying to not to show Harkol the extent of his displeasure. Interdepartmental fights had to end somewhere and if he had to be the poster child for ginning and bearing it he would be. Although some part of him just wanted Harkol to make a disgusting comment toward a subjugglator. Neither his apology nor his words to Preosh had been genuine, and Gritch disliked one thing above all others, and that was liars.

"Yo, Preosh right?" Ganmed called. Preosh turned back towards the subjugglator. "Since our match was interrupted maybe we can do it again sometime? We're about out of free time right now, but later?" Gritch did his best to ignore Harkol beside him, looking like he had another terrible comment on his mind. Instead, he watched what he was pretty sure was a subjugglator trainee being bashful. Officially, Gritch had now seen it all.

He still had room for some surprise at a sound which made his hackles rise. Never before had he heard applause sound so ominous. The subjugglators in the crowd looked at something behind him and bowed low, everyone else hurriedly following. Gritch and Harkol spun and dropped into bows themselves. The Grand Highblood himself had entered the room while they were busy. Luckily, he didn't seem upset at not having been instantly noticed.

"Oh please, relax, let's pretend at this moment we're on equal footing. Despite obvious discrepancies. I must say, the… group of you are getting along quite well. Better than I anticipated. I expected more blood. But you've proven me wrong, in the best possible way." The Highblood didn't look bored or angry by that fact. Gritch hated this part of the promotion, being around the Highblood was hours of his life he wondered if they'd all get away without being torn to shreds.

"Thank you, sir?" he said, immediately wishing he hadn't as the words rang out in the silence and the great skull-painted face looked directly at him. Harkol was hiding a smile next to him. The insufferable prick. Not even an attractive insufferable prick, though that was probably for the best; Gritch had filled his black quadrant already.

"You seadwellers are a mouthy bunch." There was enough of a pause that Gritch had it in him to be nervous. "Don't worry, I like that." Gritch let out the breath he was holding and gave a sharp nod, not knowing how to return the conversation, or avoid it. "I have some wonderful new information for all of you - come, let us find somewhere to go over it."

Gritch knew there was actually more danger in numbers, surrounded as he was by the followers of the terrifying troll in front of him, but he still felt nervous about leaving the crowd. The smaller group of those assigned to the special mission followed, each trying to be the one at the back, with the exception of Harkol, who puffed himself up and followed the Highblood as closely as he could while remaining safely respectful.

The moved to what had been working as their makeshift meeting hall and schoolfeeding room. It did fit all of them, not uncomfortably, but not comfortably either. Somewhere between, and to Gritch that just made these little events less to look forward to. Once the troll who had managed to be in the back managed to find a seat, all of them were handed out a folder. Gritch had wondered how other departments had operated once, sweeps ago, but now that he was learning he did quite dislike it. A quick glance at Harkol, confirmed that the blueblood didn't share his sentiment.

All of them opened it up, and they were confronted with faces of trolls. Every troll flipped through the pages, looking at each of the faces of the main rebels, deserters, captives, and whatever else they were pursuing. In the back there was a list of names, some that were crossed out, others with symbols, questioning allegiances, or involvement.

"How did they get thiz?" he heard Gartel mutter beside him. "I thought the only captivez killed themzelvez."

"Indeed, they did. We got more," the Highblood said. "Unless you're asking me to get descriptive about the methods I used to get the information out of her — them I guess, but mostly her — just know that it's from a very valid source."

Gartel swallowed. No one ever wanted to hear the torture methods subjugglators used to get information. A few select legislacerators were well aware, working with subjugs on occasion, but to hear a subjugglator describe their methods would no doubt be excessive. Imagination was bad enough and purplebloods were raised to be inventive with their tortures.

"When their ships attacked, we boarded some, and borrowed a few of their rebels. Cute little brownblood, whose tongue was quite loose. I personally oversaw the interrogation, trust me when I say she was completely honest. The information here is the list of all the rebels she knew of. The ones we think are involved are marked, she obviously couldn't give us a list of everyone. We've had other informants."

Gritch looked over the names. He recognized some of them, a few of them in the upper echelons of power. He was sure there was good reason to suspect everyone there, he just didn't know them.

"The main conspirators and others we are most interested in recovering come with a picture. So you don't kill them. They are the ones we want alive. The names without symbols may be killed on sight, the ones with should be brought in for further questioning. A few of them have gone missing, those are also helpfully labeled."

Gritch moved away from the massive main list and to the photos or priority number ones. The first slot was taken by Feferi Peixes. The second slot by a Karkat Vantas, who wore no sign, and Gritch had never heard of the boy before. The next was a Tavros Nitram, the reason why was obvious. Gritch knew the mutation that plagued the boy, no doubt the Highblood did as well. He was the spitting image of the Summoner.

He went through the list and had to raise an eyebrow; before he reached the end of the page he saw Eridan's name written, an image beside it. He wanted to question why, it wasn't like Eridan had gathered any information that would help the rebellion. Nor was he as big of a threat as the other trolls. He looked over at Preosh who was running her claw along the image in her own folder. She had a sneer on her face.

"Filona," the Highblood said, much closer than Gritch remembered. Preosh looked up from her folder, jumping slightly at the Highblood's sudden proximity.

"Yes, sir?"

"For the record, I moved him up for you. If you capture him for me I promise you'll get a worthy reward."

"Thank you, sir," she said, inclining her head demurely. "Honestly, being able to slit his throat would be reward enough."

"Just slit his throat? Tsk." The Highblood shook his head, smiling, and spoke more quietly. Gritch could still hear him, and wished he couldn't. "Youngsters these days, always so keen to get the job done. That's sweet, but I think I'll need to instil some more, ah, craftstrollship in you." He leaned forward conspiratorially. "Ever really wanted to make your enemies squirm?"

Preosh looked up at him, then back down to the folder in her hands. To most it would seem purely like she was mentally debating if it would make her happy to watch them squirm. Instead Gritch knew that she was wondering why she was being singled out, yet again, by the Highblood.

"Depends on the enemy. I don't know if I want to waste my time on each and every one of them. Some don't deserve it."

The Highblood smiled. "Does he deserve it? He broke your heart, it's only fair you hurt him in kind."

"Maybe, sir," Preosh said carefully. "I might not be the only one who wants to spend some time with him again. He wasn't popular for anything except… well." She made an illustrative hand gesture. "I wouldn't mind being the first to get hold of him. I have a few choice words lined up, and a few physical punctuation marks for them." She smiled, hoping her informality was appealing rather than offensive.

"I wouldn't mind a moment with him either, zir," Gartel added when the pause had extended long enough she was sure of not interrupting the Highblood. "I'm pretty zure he ztole my favourite jewellery, that waz why he waz under block-arrezt when he went mizzing. Rumour haz it he got the idea to make a career out of zlutting around and ztarted without telling hiz clientz that waz what they were. He definitely ztole my time with my quadrantz. And he couldn't even remember my name, I mean, really, I only zaw him in clazz every night…"

The Highblood spared Gartel a smile. Gritch hated these worries, he really didn't want any of his students to meet their end this way, nor did he want to watch them achieve that death. The Highblood wasn't known for clean killings. If people didn't keep reminding him he would have forgotten about Eridan's alleged thievery. Eridan came on to the ship one of the wealthiest young trolls. He had helped the deserter heiress feed Gl'bgolyb, something that would always be rewarded handsomely. It didn't make any sense for him to steal, but it could have been some type of cry for help. Though it was a pretty dumb one if it was.

"Amporas have always been selfish, thinking they had any right to steal things from people. Items, money, trolls, time, lives," the Highblood said. "Perhaps a black-team ruin is just what he needs. As long as he's not dead by the end of it I won't complain. Especially for being so rude as to fuck you and not even remember your name." He chuckled. "Once he got to my age, he'd have an excuse for forgetting."

Gartel's permanent scowl showed a hint of nervousness, and she leaned slightly away, but the purplish tint to her cheeks betrayed her interest. In contrast, Preosh was grinning, but Gritch could sense her fear.

"Tell me, lieutenants, do you still teach the locations of nerve points? It's been quite a while since I was in schoolfeeding, I'm not quite up-to-date with it outside my own ship."

"Of-of course, sir? Valuable combat knowledge, though we haven't got onto that with this group yet?…"

"Uh, yeah. I mean, yes, sir, same as what he said. I've taken down an enemy or two with that trick."

"Oh, it has other applications. I suppose information extraction is a bit specialised for your curriculum."

Gritch wished more than ever that his moirail was alive. He'd been mocked by other seadwellers for taking a maroon moirail, but true pity cared nothing for such things. Of course, he had known she wouldn't be around for as long as he would, even though she was quite a bit younger; that was the problem in finding serendipity so young, he had gone in knowing he must face centuries without her. He had, however, hoped they'd have a few sweeps more than they'd got; around her eighth wriggling day, she had vanished. He had searched for sweeps, but never found so much as her bones. It still hurt to think of her. Of course his pale quadrant had not gone unfilled in all the sweeps between, but none of them had been Ukuthe Lorain, and right now it was empty of anyone. He distracted himself for the moment by scowling at the foul-smelling rollup dangling from Gartel's lip. "Ensign Ravety, I don't think you can smoke in here."

"Funny, she seems to be managing," the Highblood said with a smirk. Preosh and Harkol snickered despite themselves, and even the dour Gartel cracked a smile. Gritch hated that. A troll so terrifying had no business acting like a normal, potentially likeable, troll.

"Perhapz," Gartel still had a small smile, "there is a way to zpecialize a bit more as time goez on. Maybe if we zhow we have promize." Despite their spade, Preosh nodded as well, though looking a little less thrilled at the prospect. Gritch had to admit, for all the things he hated about the Highblood, it would be an honor to learn from him. Only if you could guarantee that you'd make it out alive, and without subconscious damage. The Highblood's smile didn't waver, and despite looking a little bit like he would devour someone, it looked genuine. Very slightly familiar, too. Gritch put that out of his mind; he must have been imagining things.

"To do that…" the Highblood ran a finger under Gartel's chin, "you would have to earn that honor."

_What is this, creep-on-my-students day and nobody told me?_ Gritch thought to himself. "I-I'm sure my students can prove themselves worthy, sir? They're the best batch I've seen in sweeps, honest? Except for the one bad apple. Aheh."

"They are surprisingly dedicated. More than I expected when I called all of you in. If they carry on on this path, they might just prove themselves worthy." The Highblood was looking right at Gritch. The seadweller nodded, not sure if he should be glad that his students were doing so well.

"Wouldn't that be… odd," Gritch said. "Cross trained trolls. Learning anything from other departments, it would be interesting."

"Maybe it's something we need to do," the Highblood said. "The more learned a troll is the better off they are."

Gritch really didn't like where this conversation was going, and he could think of no way to move the conversation away from the path it had found itself on, let alone all the the very heretical thoughts he was having about finding a way to rescue Eridan from the fate of dealing with the subjugs. Whatever he'd done, Eridan was still his student.

Absentmindedly, he turned the page and saw a very familiar face in the file. A smaller version of a face attached to someone at the table. The file marked him as a captive of the cult. He blinked and looked up. "Uh, sir, I don't mean to be rude, but would this be…?"

The Highblood sighed. "Yes, that's Gamzee. A troublesome little wriggler, but yes, my own." He shook his head theatrically. "I fear the Sufferists won't be sticking to their message of peace and equality when it comes to him."

Gritch looked back down at the file, unsure of what he should say to that. He wondered if he was still alive, even. Or if the cult would retaliate for the deaths of their other members. His mind extended to Eridan; perhaps he had been taken captive as well. Maybe he didn't switch sides, maybe he was abducted, he knew the Heiress on Alternia. Perhaps he was taken to further the cult's knowledge or perhaps for ransom. Of course, they wouldn't have much to threaten the Empire with involving Eridan.

He glanced over to the other members of his team. Some were looking over the long list of names, others were looking at the images of the top wanted. Preosh was still looking over Eridan's picture, some sickness and a lot of rage on her face.

"I hope," Harkol said softly, "troublesome as he is, we can retrieve him alive for you, sir."

"I hope we can. I had so many plans for him." The Highblood sighed again.

There was a gleeful gasp from the other side of the table. The subjugglator group were pointing at something in the file and whispering to each other.

"Yep, that's right, keya," said the Highblood, leaning closer to them. "Where they're heading, everything bleeds dragonfire red. It would be a blasphemy to leave such a beautiful colour inside the ugly little treebeasts it's in, wouldn't it?"

"I-I've never painted with red before," murmured Ganmed Lomust.

The Highblood's grin almost split his face in half. "I have."

"Can trollz eat theze thingz?" Gartel asked, tilting the blurry photos and squinting at them.

"We can certainly try."

"Oh, I want one," Lomust breathed. "I'll write my spirit's name on the inside of its skin. In purple ink."

"Might I ask," Harkol said slowly, "why the data is slim on the planet. Or do you have any idea?"

"Apparently, it was determined to be useless early on. The recondroids disengaged, and that was all the information they gathered. The beings don't look dangerous, nor have they given any indication of being difficult to deal with."

"I notice," one of the subjugglator mentors said slowly, "that there are two planets listed. Did they manage to cover their tracks, Dyenejar?"

"They did, though we are nearly one hundred percent positive that they are going to the first one listed. We've narrowed it down to these two options. The fact the planet is zero-degree no doubt was a drawing factor. Extremists have a tendency to be predictable, and also tend to like symbology."

"Understood, sir." The troll went back to silence, and Gritch could only wonder if they were trained to not talk to him, or they just decided not to. Gritch took a look at both of the planets listed; both were fairly unremarkable. One had a sapient life form, the other didn't. Gritch had to admit, that one seemed more likely than the other. A few perigees' journey. That was good. It would give him time to think, time to plan and decide what he was going to do on the topic of Eridan. On the other hand, it also meant a few perigees stuck with the Grand Highblood and his followers, and worse, with Harkol. He shuddered involuntarily.

They could see a rough estimate of the cult's numbers. A fair amount given it would have had to be a collection of conscription-skippers. It wasn't too odd for a troll to try to skip conscription, what was odd was them surviving. Though Gritch couldn't help but notice the amount, and there was no real way to tell if the brownblood had perhaps messed with the numbers to make them seem more imposing. Though given their boldness to attack not only a very powerful colony but also SAIGE-40 in the same night, their numbers had to be significant to not mind that kind of loss.

It seemed he wasn't the only one who thought it was strange. One of the mentors thought to ask the question that no doubt most of the mentors were thinking. "How did they find so many trolls?"

"All I can figure is they recruited young. A trick they learned from the Summoner. They had many of their followers… be conscripted. I've checked through the rosters and registrars. Trolls that check in that went missing part way through. Easily faked deaths. They then returned to the cult. It was when their followers who had long term missions went missing we were able to make the obvious connection. Zahhak, Ampora, Lestra, Dorath, et cetera."

Harkol had leaned close enough, Gritch was sure no one but him could hear him mutter. "They weren't lying when they said this was his pet project. I didn't know he was so involved." Gritch gritted his teeth, and said nothing in return. "It's not a surprise though, plenty of trolls get cold feet right after conscription, my first kismesis did. Both of us were on the ships, a week later she'd vanished. No one ever heard from her again. What was her name?… Seller? Sahler? No, Sennah Lilura, that was it, I couldn't remember because she always pronounced it weirdly. Huh, she talked big but I always knew she was a coward. Great rack on her, though." He grinned and held his hands in a loose gripping motion just above his ears to demonstrate.

Still, Gritch had nothing to say in response. His moirail promised she'd see him as soon as both of them had taken their place. This was back before ships and space. She went to register, told him she got through, and he didn't see her again. It still stung and he didn't want anything in common with the blueblood, who was looking at him like they were going to have a conversation. He instead watched two of the purpleblooded mentors talk between themselves at the Highblood's statement. They seemed locked in a muttered debate. Gritch was trying to make sense of their lips, perhaps he should take up lipreading, if it would help Harkol get the message that they weren't going to have a conversation.

"Sir," one of the purpleblooded mentors said. The other mentor rolled his eyes. "Not that I doubt you, or your judgement of character or soul. But…" The Highblood was looking at the subjugglator. "Your progeny, he did get taken quite easily… and…"

Gritch backed up in his seat as the Highblood looked over to to the other subjug. "Finish your thought."

"Well, is there any chance that perhaps your protege has defected or was a member of the cult?" The Highblood smiled. "Just seeing as he was taken, and they were able to detain him." The other mentor was obviously nervous to bring this up. Though Gritch had to admit it was a good question, it was best if they were prepared for any outcome. Though judging by the Highblood's smile this didn't seem like an outcome they'd have to plan for. The other mentor was looking nervous, but he couldn't seem to shut up from the hole he was digging. "It's just they could have recruited him and perhaps he placed himself in a position where he knew he'd get your-"

Gritch hadn't been sure when the Highblood stood and moved; all he knew was the mentor was talking and the next second there was blood splattered on his face, the Highblood holding the mentor's head in his hand.

"I hope you don't mind," the Highblood said to the other Subjugglator mentor in the room. "Taking on an extra batch."

"No sir, I don't mind." His voice sounded steady, which was far more than Gritch could say for his own constitution. He looked around the room, the young recruits looked just as shocked. Gritch decided he wouldn't look at the corpse. If the amount of blood was any indication, a lot more than just his head had been ripped off.

Some of the young subjugs were cowering, others smirking. Ganmed Lomust was pressing his knuckles against his mouth, concealing a grin, and Gritch could practically see the stars of hero-worship in his eyes. He found himself dreading the day the kid pupated, he was creepy enough without being twice the size of the average non-purpleblood troll - and, from his build, Gritch could guess he was going to be pretty big even by his caste's usual standards. Harkol nudged him again, pointed at Lomust, and murmured "That kid seriously needs a moirail."

Gritch made up his mind. Once they landed, he would do everything in his power to find Eridan first. He did not like traitors, but it was precisely because of that that he would not betray his former student in turn. Even if all he could do was give Eridan a quick death, he would do it. Eridan had been his responsibility, and Gritch had failed him by not noticing something was wrong and trying to bring him back to the side of the Empire, so he owed him one.


	24. Chapter 24

hello?  
do you remember me?

l_iitle c_aptor?

yeah, you have enough tiime two chat or ii2 the waterbiitch around?

ii d_o h_ave 2_ome tiime, 2h_e'2 n_ot n_ear m_e. ii2 th_ere 2_omethiing y_ou n_eed, l_iittle c_aptor?

ii wa2 wonderiing where the fleet wa2. general coordiinate2, iif you had them, then ii ju2t kiind of wanted two talk two you. ii gue22 ii thiink iit'2 2hiitty two be a helm2man. and ii'd be pretty fuckiing lonely, 2o maybe you could u2e 2omeone other than the empre22 two talk two.

wh_at w_ould y_ou kn_ow of a h_elm2man'2 l_iife, l_iittle iinn_ocent?

enough two know iit fuckiing hurt2. ii had two piilot our getaway 2hiip.

y_ou 2_acriifiiced y_our fr_eedom f_or y_our fr_iend2' e2c_ape?

actually, no.

wh_at?

eq and ii managed two fiix up a temporary riig. pretty fuckiing awe2ome, riight? ii thought iit wa2 iimpo22iible, but iit 2eem2 two work. not a2 effiiciient a2 the permanent one, but we're fiiddliing wiith it a2 we go, we can get enough 2peed from iit two e2cape. help2 that ii'm not powering a whole battle2hiip, ju2t a tug.

eq?

equiiu2 zahhak, our re2iident mechaniic.

z_ahhak? iit'2 2tr_ange two th_iink th_at y_ou w_ould kn_ow 2_omeone w_iith th_at n_ame.

diid you? before you became a helm2man, that ii2.

ii d_iid, only in p_a22iing. h_ow m_any of y_ou ar_e th_ere?

twelve iin total. not much of a rebelliion ii'll admiit. ii don't know why ii am telling you thii2, you could tell the empre22.

ii b_et 2h_e alr_eady kn_ow2. and tr_ust m_e wh_en ii 2_ay ii h_ave n_o d_esiire tw_o h_elp h_er m_ore th_an ii h_ave tw_o. my p_o2t ii2 an ext_ended pr_ii2on 2_entence.

ii bet miine would be two. gz 2ay2 iif we're caught he'2 goiing two kiill u2 all before they can take u2 iin.

gz ii2 gamzee makara, or our re2iident headache.

m_akara? as iin h_e'2 r_elated tw_o h_er p_et?

yeah, but we don't talk about that… he went through a lot of 2hiit when he wa2 conscriipted. iit's kind of no go terriitory unle22 you want hiim two try two kiill you.

.  
.

you 2tiill connected two the feed or ha2 thii2 2hiitty connectiion fiinally caught up two u2? fuck, ii 2hould 2ee about fiixiing thii2, but our 2uppliies are 2hiit as it i2. you 2tiill there?

y_e2. j_u2t h_ad tw_o 2h_ut 2_omething d_own.

iit h_a2 b_een a l_ong t_iime 2_iince ii t_alked tw_o a tr_oll th_at w_a2n't h_er. ii d_on't iint_end tw_o l_eave y_ou any t_iime s_oon iif ii c_an h_elp iit. ii und_er2tand, ii'm j_ust s_urprised tw_o h_ear it. ii h_ope h_e k_eeps th_at pr_omii2e f_or y_our 2_ake, y_oung c_aptor.  
ar_e y_ou m_akiing any g_aiin2 aw_ay fr_om th_e fl_eet? ii d_on't w_ant tw_o tr_ack y_ou f_or f_ear th_at it wi_ll al_ert h_er.

yeah, we're not doiing two bad.  
excu2e me a moment, miinor meat2pace problem calliing.

Sollux sighed and looked away from the computer, snapping "Guyth! Could you argue thomewhere elthe?"

Eridan looked shamefaced. "Sorry, sorry. Just a minor disagreement." He oozed up to Tavros and slipped an arm around him. "Right, my swweetdiamond, my palest?"

"See, this is the problem," Tavros said, unhooking Eridan's arm. "I have problems too and you can't just, uhh, hug them away. I helped you with yours, but I don't feel you're, really, giving anything back. And it's not that I don't like the attention, but, sometimes, I like to be able to move, without dragging you along."

"Theriouthly, I'm in the middle of thomething, go dithagree thomewhere elthe."

"As if this is the wworst thing you've coded through."

"I'm not coding, jutht go away."

"God, you're such a wwhiner, Sol." Eridan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to Tavros. "I'm sorry, Taw, but I am tryin' to help you."

"No, you're hugging me, you're not listening to me. There is actually a difference."

A psionic beam reached out and shoved both Eridan and Tavros out of the control room, their shoes screeching against the metal drowned out by Sollux's yell of "For the latht time, take it the fuck outthide, or next time by 'outthide' I'll mean the airlock!"

2orry two keep you waiitiing. 2hiipmates beiing a paiin, palemate2' tiiff.  
dammiit, 2orry, ii gue22 ii 2houldn't complaiin about trouble2ome 2hiipmate2 two you.

a2 m_undane as iit m_u2t 2_ound tw_o y_ou, h_aviing a n_ormal c_onver2atiion ii2 a r_eliief.  
ii am c_uriiou2 a2 tw_o why y_ou're w_a2tiing y_our t_iime t_alkiing tw_o a l_owly h_elm2man. oth_er th_an f_or h_elp, of c_our2e.  
and ii w_ould f_orgiive th_e f_iir2t 2_ane tr_oll tw_o t_alk tw_o m_e iin 2w_eep2 of j_u2t ab_out anyth_iing.

ii  
ii gue22 ii thought you miight want 2ome company.  
and iit can't hurt two have you on our 2iide, riight?

ii 2_uppo2e iit ii2 g_ood f_or th_at r_ea2on tw_o.  
t_ell m_e of y_our 2h_iipmate2. ii w_ould l_iike tw_o h_ear of th_e r_ebelliion. l_iittle d_o y_ou kn_ow h_ow f_iitiing iit ii2.

well, me you obviiou2ly know about, and ii told you about gz and eq. our leader'2 karkat vanta2, 2uppo2ed de2cendant of the 2ufferer. the cult made hiim 2tay back, and he made u2 2tiick wiith hiim.

v_anta2? iit'2 b_een l_ong 2_iince ii h_eard th_at n_ame. r_ed bl_ood?

yeah.

th_ere ii2 n_o 2_uppo2ed ab_out iit, l_iittle c_aptor. th_at ii2 the true 2_iigiil of th_e 2_ufferer. ii h_ope h_ii2 anc_e2tor'2 bl_e22ing2 m_ay g_o w_iith y_ou.

thank2. waiit, do you remember the 2ufferer?

ii h_ave l_iived f_or a v_ery l_ong t_iime. tr_u2t m_e wh_en ii 2_ay 2h_e d_oe2n't l_et g_o of t_oy2 ea2_iily. ii r_emember h_iim v_ery f_ondly.  
ii2 th_ii2 2_omethiing y_ou w_ant tw_o kn_ow ab_out? th_e 2t_ory ii2 q_uiite 2ad, r_eally.  
kn_ow h_e w_a2 a gr_eat tr_oll.

that'2 quiite a long liife. iif you do remember hii2 rebelliion, maybe you can giive us adviice on how not two meet the 2ame end. we're mo2tly 2hootiing iin the dark and hopiing iit turn2 out okay.  
unle22 iit would hurt you two talk about. ii really am not iintwo criippliing you emotiionally. two much 2ympathy for your po2t.  
god thii2 2ound2 2hiitty, ii mean ii want you two look forward two talkiing two me, not hate me for diiggiing up emotiional 2car2.  
ii'm crap wiith troll2, 2orry.  
maybe ii 2hould talk two my moiiraiil.

wh_o ii2 y_our m_oiiraiil? th_e v_anta2 b_oy, or d_oe2 h_e tr_an2cend th_e q_uadrant2 a2 h_ii2 f_orebear d_iid?

no, iit'2 not hiim. once but not now. why?

j_u2t a g_ue22. iif n_ot h_iim, wh_o?

ok, thii2 ii2 goiing two 2ound awful, but 2he'2 nothiing liike her ance2tor, ii 2wear.  
iit'2 feferi. the priince22. 2he'2 here two.

.  
* * *

what wa2 that?

ii'm 2_orry. ii j_u2t  
n_othiing. j_u2t an iint_ere2tiing tw_ii2t of fate.

ii 2uppo2e 2iince you know… her iit would be. iimagiiniing 2omeone liike her but totally diifferent.

th_at'2 odd, b_ut h_ow odd ii d_on't th_iink y_ou'll ev_er und_er2tand.  
ii d_on't th_iink y_ou ar_e tw_o t_erriible w_iith oth_er tr_oll2, h_ave f_aiith iin y_our2elf. y_ou h_ave n_o on_e tw_o iimpr_e22 h_ere, ii'm b_a2iically a 2_entiient 2h_iip.

ii gue22.  
ii 2uppo2e ii 2hould, iit'2 all weiird though. talkiing two you, ii mean. ii know ii 2hould be worried 2he'2 lii2teniing, or ii gue22 readiing iin on thii2, but ii tru2t you.  
everythiing about my liife ha2 gotten weiird. thii2 que2tiion miight 2eem out of place, but ii2 there anyway you'd tell me about you before you became a 2hiip?

l_iittle en_ough tw_o t_ell. ii w_a2 a r_evolutionary, ii b_eliieved th_e t_eachiing2 of th_e 2_ufferer. w_e f_aiiled.  
th_e 2_ufferer m_et h_ii2 end, a2 ii'm 2_ure y_ou kn_ow. th_e d_ii2ciiple w_a2 ex_iiled, h_er w_ould-b_e ex_ecutiioner w_iith h_er, th_e d_oloro2a en2l_aved, and th_e p2_iioniic 2l_aiin.

p2iioniic diied, then? the cultii2t2 2aiid hii2 body wa2 never 2een. mo2t of them thought he diied iin the dungeon2 or iin battle.  
lr - lereal bel2aii - he thought he e2caped, but we diidn't beliieve hiim.

p2_iioniic d_iied, iindeed. ii w_iitne22ed h_ii2 p_a22ing fr_om th_ii2 w_orld. ii am 2_orry, l_iittle c_aptor. ii r_ecogni2ed y_our m_ark a2 h_ii2.

iit'2 okay. not liike ii expected any diifferent.

ii w_ould h_ave d_iied on th_e fl_ogging j_ut a2 w_ell, b_ut th_e e_mpre22 f_ound m_e. ii m_ii2takenly th_ought ii h_ad th_e r_iight tw_o r_efu2e h_er r_ed adv_ance2, and th_u2 earn_ed my c_urrent 2_ituation.  
2h_e w_ii2hed tw_o t_e2t th_e n_ew eng_iine d_e2iign. ii h_ave th_e h_onour of b_eiing alt_erniia'2 f_iir2t h_elm2man.  
2h_e c_annot h_ave my p_iity, but 2h_e g_ot wh_at 2h_e w_anted fr_om m_e.

Sollux's hands slipped on the keys. He stared at the screen and the blinking cursor where he was supposed to be writing something, but he didn't know exactly how to respond to what he just found out. He never platonically pitied a troll more than he did at this moment. Somewhere in his mind he quickly indexed everything he knew about the Empress; it renewed a fire in him to have Feferi take over. To never have another Helmsman who wasn't detachable, to never have to hear another story like this again.

ii… ii hone2tly don't know what two 2ay two that. ii want two 2ay ii'm 2orry but iit 2eems liike iit'2 not enough. but ii am, that'2 2hiitty, that'2 more than 2hiitty, that'2 2omethiing ii can't put intwo word2.  
iif we wiin, ii promii2e you won't have two do thii2 anymore.

y_ou're v_ery k_iind, b_ut th_e f_unny th_iing ab_out t_orture ii2 wh_en iit g_oe2 on f_or s_o l_ong, y_ou g_et l_e22 and l_e22 f_azed by iit unt_iil iit r_eally d_oe2n't b_other y_ou anym_ore.  
unl_e22 2h_e deciide2 tw_o g_et iinv_entiive.  
b_ut iif y_ou w_iin ii m_iight h_old y_ou tw_o th_at pr_omii2e.

ii hope you do hold me two it. ii'm goiing two hold my2elf two it.  
ii don't want two ju2t call you helm2man, or hm. ii want 2omething real two call you. but ii have another one of tho2e que2tiions you don't have two answer iif you don't want two.

h_elm2man iis f_iine, l_iittle c_aptor. 2p_eakiing tw_o y_ou h_a2 b_een th_e h_iighliight of my d_ay. ii'm n_ot ab_out tw_o 2pl_iit h_aiir2 ov_er wh_at y_ou c_all m_e.  
b_ut wh_at ii2 y_our q_ue2tiion?

when you helped me the fiir2t tiime, you made me promii2e we wouldn't get caught. not that ii am ru2hing intwo that 2hiit2torm anytiime 2oon. iit ii2 a pretty ea2y promii2e two keep.  
but you 2aiid 2omethiing about not 2eeiing iit agaiin. or haviing iit happen agaiin.  
ii've been wonderiing what you meant by that 2iince you 2aiid it…  
doe2 iit have two do wiith the whole floggiing jut thiing or 2hould ii be worriied about 2omethiing el2e?

.

.

.

Sollux watched the dots flicker on the screen, one by one, faster and faster, like a fearful heartbeat.

ii  
ii t_old y_ou wh_at 2h_e d_iid.  
ii am n_ot th_e only on_e. 2h_e t_alk2 t_wo me. t_ell2 m_e of h_er g_ame2.  
and th_ere w_a2 a g_iirl. ab_out y_our ag_e. 2h_e f_ound h_er. br_ought h_er t_wo m_e.  
2_aid 2h_e w_a2 our2. 2h_e m_ay h_ave b_een r_iight.  
2h_e w_a2 b_arely an ad_ult eiith_er way. 2h_e wa2n't r_eady f_or wh_at h_appened.  
ii w_a2n't r_eady f_or wh_at h_appened.

her game2?  
you mean… oh fuck.

2he w_a2 k_iilled, 2h_e m_ade h_er2elf b_e k_iilled.  
iif ii th_ought iit m_iight w_ork ii w_ould do th_e 2ame.  
b_ut ii c_ouldn't l_et th_at b_e y_ou.  
ii c_ouldn't h_old on anym_ore iif iit h_appened ag_aiin.  
iit w_ould b_e w_or2e th_ii2 t_iime tw_o.  
ii d_on't th_iink 2h_e'd l_et y_ou d_iie.  
n_o m_atter wh_at y_ou d_iid.

ii hone2tly diidn't thiink thiis would go here. ii'm 2orry for bringing it up.  
ii 2hould know better wiith gz'2 2hiit.  
ii'm 2orry for takiing you back there… ii diidn't mean two hurt you, or cau2e any 2traiin.  
if you want ii can go now.

n_o, n_o, iit'2 g_ood f_or y_ou tw_o kn_ow. 2h_e w_on't 2t_op unl_e22 2h_e end2.  
y_ou ar_e a ch_allenge f_or h_er… ii g_ue22 all of y_ou ar_e a ch_allenge f_or th_em.  
wh_at th_ey'll d_o iif th_ey c_atch y_ou w_on't b_e ov_er q_uiickly.  
th_ey dr_ag out th_e on_e2 th_ey d_on't h_ave an iinv_e2tment iin.  
ii c_an't b_egin tw_o iim_agiine wh_at th_ey'll d_o tw_o y_ou.

.

The dots appeared once more, and Sollux typed four messages frantically, deleting each one, knowing it wasn't enough, the Helmsman didn't sound calm about this. He couldn't seem to think of anything that would change that. All he could think about was his and Aradia's conversation with Gamzee. Was there a chance that she was with them, this mysterious girl that spun the Helmsman off into a fit Sollux had no idea how to comfort? Each dot was blinking by faster and faster. Sollux couldn't begin to imagine the horror of this Helmsman's life, and there he was being a douchebag bringing it up. He could always see if there was a way to pass a message to the other side for him. Maybe that would help? It was worth a try, it was better than any other idea he had at present.

hm, lii2ten. gz went through 2omethiing 2iimiilar, he e2caped… my mate2priit can 2ee and talk two the dead. according two her and gz, there ii2 a pretty good chance her ghost ii2 wiith u2, iif 2he diidn't move on.  
ii can ask aa two 2end a me22age from you two her. or 2omethiing. ii don't know how two help you, but ii am going two fuckiing try. Or 2hould ii ju2t go now?

iit ii2 l_iikely 2h_e c_ould n_ot m_ove on. th_e empr_e22' p_et l_ike2 tw_o c_ollect th_eiir d_ead pr_ey.  
ii d_on't kn_ow wh_at ii c_ould 2_ay. ii c_annot iim_agiine ii c_ould h_elp h_er n_ow.  
ii c_ould d_o n_othiing th_en  
wh_en  
th_e empr_e22  
m_ade h_er  
m_ade m_e

.

l_aneen

The program kicked Sollux back to the main menu. He was looking at a locked down Helmsman screen. He could do nothing but stare at the message for a long moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened, how all this had happened. He damned his curiosity the moment he had himself back in the present, before he began typing like mad.

Massive lockdown meant that something that he or the Helmsman did was against the Empress' rules and he was awaiting her to check over what he did. Which meant reading that log, which meant the useless bitch would know what they talked about. Sollux cursed himself again, his fingers tapping on keys so quickly he had to go back and fix obvious mistakes. He tried to calm himself down this would go faster if he just kept a level head. His bloodpusher wasn't helping, and the nervous jitter that shot through his limbs wasn't helping either.

He didn't know how much time either of them had, and he wasn't going to be the reason the Helmsman— no, the troll who was cruelly wired into a rig, suffered on his behalf. He took a breath and typed, resolving himself to stop making mistakes, there was no time for mistakes. He had a program to crack and at the very most only five minutes to do it in.

Through one lock screen and then another he trudged, through the defenses, reaching dead ends every other second. This troll he had been talking to was a member of their rebellion as much as any of his friends. He wouldn't let them suffer, nor would he let a troll he'd never met face to face.

His forearms were cramping by the time he deleted the log, and all the instances of him hacking into this area to delete it. He exited out and took a breath, before cradling his forehead in his hands. This regime needed to go down, he already knew that, but he had a new resolve. He wanted that bitch that everyone called the Empress to hurt the way she had made other trolls hurt.

"Sollux?" Aradia's voice alerted him, and he looked up. She was standing in the doorway, the flesh side of her face drawn into an expression of concern. "Are you okay?"

"… Not really."


	25. Chapter 25

Tavros walked into the first bunkblock. Eridan was sitting on of of the tiny bunks, a book in his hand. "Hey, Eridan, could we uh, talk about something?"

Eridan looked up quickly; it was obvious he was nervous. Tavros decided that perhaps that wasn't the best way to start a conversation. But he had a moirail now, and he'd really needed to talk about it. He had felt, as he was sure most everyone had felt, like they were being pulled twenty different directions. Every moment they had of peace was always surrounded by the fact they knew something terrible was going to happen.

It had been a few days without incident and they were all getting nervous. But the tenacity of a troll was based on whether or not they could get through something that was near, looming over them, and still live their lives in something close to normal.

"It's not bad, I promise. Just, uh, I've been needing to talk to someone about this for awhile."

"'Swwhat I'm here for, Taw." Eridan shuffled up to let Tavros sit down. "Wwhat's the matter?"

Tavros sat down, sighed, and leaned against the wall, careful not to crush his wings. "It's about… Tsukey Morney."

Eridan's brow furrowed. "Girl from the Sufferist cawes? The one wwith the logbeast lusus? Sorry, I didn't knoww her that wwell."

"I did."

"Oh," Eridan looked nervous for a moment. "Did you knoww her, in a friendship wway or maybe a romantic kind of wway?"

"It's kind of complicated… I liked her a lot."

"Oh. Oh…" Eridan said suddenly. "I see, wwell did you do anythin', and noww you're havin' regrets? Or do you feel bad because you newer told her and noww you can't?"

"Uhh, not like…" Tavros sighed. He really didn't want to talk to Eridan about past pale crushes when their moirallegiance was young and feeble, and as far as Tavros could tell getting sicker by the day. "Pailing a lot. Just sort of liked her, she was a really nice girl. She was really impressionable. Or I, uhh, thought so. She took so much of what Lereal said to heart. Well, she looked like it at least. She never said much. I've, uhh, been thinking about her a lot. I know she wasn't on the one ship we were sure got away. But she might have gotten away. Though, I kind of uhh, doubt it. I just feel like I could have done more."

"To stop her from gettin' on the ships?" Eridan shook his head. "Sorry, Taw, but Lereal threatened eweryone else. Being close friends wwith you an' Kar, sawed my skin from goin'. Not that they wwould have wwanted a, wwhat was it… Lereal compared me to a sponge. Said I had the backbone a' one. Or somthin' like that. You couldn't hawe done much. So, no point in mopin' ower it."

Tavros stared at Eridan for a moment, before sighing. He understood that Eridan had his own style of pacifying, but that was ridiculous. Eridan's hand coiled with his, and it took a moment for Tavros to let his own fingers curl back instead of just having Eridan hold his hand with no reciprocation.

Eridan took this as an invitation to move closer, and soon Tavros found himself with the seadweller's icy body pressing into his side. "Um, Eridan, not that I don't appreciate the affection, but don't you think you've become a bit… clingy lately?"

"Sorry," Eridan said, backing off. "It's just, um… no, I shouldn't talk about my problems wwhen you're talking about yours. Go on."

Tavros knew what he meant, anyway. It had been a long time since Eridan had any body contact which didn't end in pain. Tavros didn't really mind helping him out there, but it would have been more fun and less like a chore if Eridan gave back a bit more. He hated to admit it, but treacherous little voices in his head had also been whispering that Eridan had nothing to complain about in comparison to Gamzee. Rationally he knew that just because someone else had worse problems didn't mean Eridan's didn't matter, but then he wasn't listening to Gamzee talk about his problems constantly. From what he'd heard Karkat was having the opposite problem… He pushed that out of his mind. Gamzee wasn't his moirail and wasn't ready to have anyone as a matesprit, so it was none of Tavros' business.

Tavros sighed and wrapped an arm around Eridan. "Compromise?" he offered. Eridan gave a little smile and nod. "It's kind of awkward to talk to you about this. I mean I'm talking about a pale crush but… Well, uhh, I'm sure you understand wishing you could have done one thing different. I just think about if we could have had enough time to rescue her… or uhh, maybe all of them. Leave before Lereal could take the ships."

Eridan leaned his head on Tavros' shoulder. "Don't knoww howw it wwould hawe wworked. Wwe barely hawe enough supplies as it is. I mean wwe're startin' to run out of food. Sol and Wris are bein' really unhelpful wwith tellin' us howw close wwe are. Wwe might hawe rescued them from a quick death against the fleet only to hawe them all starwe to death. Maybe it's better things happened the wway they did?"

Tavros in his heart knew that Eridan was probably right. But still — he wished the seadweller would humor him a bit. Maybe give him a completely unrealistic happy end, Tavros knew life didn't work the way it did in his fairy tales. That didn't stop him from wishing he could hear another ending.

"It's just well, I mean… I just wish we could have saved more of them, like convinced them to take over the other ships, load them up with supplies and, uhh, they could meet us there. It was so pointless, I mean all of them were slaughtered for no reason."

"There wwas a reason just a stupid one. Lereal's owwn blindness got them killed. Too bad he had a quick death. I ain't one to wwish torture on anyone, but if any troll deserwed it he did. Sent a bunch of kids to a lost battle. I'm sure she didn't suffer too long. It's not much of a consolation, but she probably didn't get it too bad."

"What if she did, though? Some of the ships were boarded. What if her's, uhh, was? I mean what happened to Gamzee was terrible, I can't imagine any of them going through it. Gamzee's at least a highblood, and, uhh, bigger… Not that, that makes it better, but uhh, it does make it a little less terrible. They were all so small and she was sort of, uhh, I can't think of a good word… odd. Not in a bad way, just different, and I suspect that the Subjugs wouldn't have, uhh, liked it much. She used to freak out if people touched her at all, it took weeks for me to just hold her hand. I hate to think what they might have done…"

"All of them had their reasons for runnin' off. I don't think any of the adults wwould care for any of them much. If they wwere goin' to abduct any troll, should hawe been Lereal and his close goons. Might as wwell interrogate him and them, rather than a bunch of kids just doin' what their told at threat of — You knoww, it's funny, Lereal became everythin' the Empire wwas. Just wwithout the resources."

"Is that some, uh, funny cruel twist of ironic fate?"

"No, but it might say somethin' about the nature a trolls. I mean, I agree with Fef on plenty. Disagree wwith her on plenty too. But I don't think a society founded on cuddling wwill last long."

"I think she's, uhh, grown up a bit beyond that." Tavros fidgeted a bit from where he was sitting, this conversation shouldn't be as awkward as it felt. Not if they wanted to get anywhere in their new relationship. He chalked it up to the fact that they were talking about other quadrants, and that was an awkward topic anyway. Made a little worse with the fact it was an ex-moi—mat—kis—an ex and a moirail-hopeful. That no doubt amplified the whole weirdness level.

"Wwell, guess wwe could look on the bright side," Eridan said. "If she hadn't gone, you wwouldn't hawe me noww." The silence from Tavros informed him this had not been the right thing to say. "Okay, that was a terrible thing to say. I don't knoww wwhat to tell you, Taw."

"I don't, uhh, know what I want to hear either but that wasn't exactly it." Tavros sighed. "I think we're all getting, uhh, cabin fever. It's making all of us more, uhh, easy to annoy."

"Maybe, I didn't mean it that wway though. I didn't mean I'm glad she's dead so you and I could be together."

"I know, you just have, uhh, a terrible way with words." Tavros nodded. "Maybe we should just move on to another topic for a bit?"

"It might help, to talk about somethin' else for awhile… I don't really knoww wwhat though." Eridan looked thoughtful, Tavros could feel that hint of nervousness from the both of them. Their moirallegiance wasn't going to be perfect right off the bat. It would have been ridiculous to assume that they would be anywhere near what Equius and Nepeta had, or even Karkat and Gamzee. Every diamond bloomed in their own time.

Yet, Tavros could feel it. They were struggling to honestly talk with each other, fighting themselves to do normal things moirails did. Not that Tavros blamed Eridan or himself for all of those shortcomings. They couldn't truly make a pile. They didn't have all of the resources to make this a full attempt. Tavros wondered if maybe, those things were in place to make the beginnings easier. Either that or Eridan and him weren't exactly meant for each other.

"How have you been doing with all the, uhh, research?"

"Pretty good, there is a lot to read. But so far it's helpin' quite a bit." Eridan's hand raised up to Tavros' and began to play with each of his fingers. "Wwe're kind of terrible at this moirail thin', aren't wwe?" At least Tavros wasn't alone in the feeling of awkwardness between them. Then again, they did just sort of dive right into a really hard topic. Not only about past crushes, but also death.

That thought had never been far from anyone on the ships' minds. If a drone ship showed up, there was a good chance that all of them would be dead. Actually, if any part of the Alternian fleet showed up they'd be done for. If part of any Empire showed up, dead. If they ran into pirates, dead. If they managed to make it to their location, no doubt all of them would relax a bit. Right now there were too many enemies, the ship didn't have any weapons. All of them thought this was akin to going out for a long walk on Alternia without their weapons.

Stress was either going to make them sick, or going to do the job and kill them.

"No, I don't think we're terrible, just there is so much, uhh, going on that it's difficult for any of us to interact in any relationship normally. Look at Equius and Nepeta. I've never seen their relationship falter, you get us out here and things get even, uhh, harder. We're giving it an honest try."

"I guess that's all wwe can do. Taw, maybe wwe should get some sleep, clear our heads and finish up this conversation later." Tavros nodded, feeling distinctly like this was a bit of a brush off. Someway for Eridan to avoid the weirdness between them. Not that Tavros blamed him, he agreed. They probably just needed a reset, or something else. Both of them curled up close to each other. Willing themselves to go to sleep, not finding it before others had joined them in the room and curled up themselves and found sleep themselves

* * *

"Guyth. Guyth… GUYTH!" Sollux was basically screaming to wake any of the other trolls up.

"Whaa?" Vriska said sitting up, looking towards the console. "It's too early."

"We're near the boundarieth of… Yurth? Ehareth? Their language makes no thenthe. We're going to be entering the their thythtem. Thoon. If they have defenthes, it'th all handth on deck."

Vriska pulled herself up to her feet, nudging the other trolls with her foot as she walked towards the console. It would have been easier to wake them up by kicking them, but they had some terribly pressing business. Entering into the ring of space junk was usually where most systems hid the vast majority of their defenses, and they apparently got there while everyone was sleeping.

"How far are we off?"

"Not long. Onthe we enter, we thtill have too long until we reach the planet…"

"We'll cross the bridge when we get there. Right now let's make it through the junk and get into some measurable distance from their star."

"What's going on?" Karkat was pretending to be more awake than he was. His near-constant yawning and sleepy eyes were giving him away.

"We're entering into the ring of space junk just outside their star system." Vriska spoke quickly, delivering the news in brief facts. "There is a chance that if this planet is in their space stage they have defenses. We're in the backwoods of the Empire, so we don't have to worry about their bits. Just this planet's own defenses, and perhaps spy drones from other Empires."

"If there are any. Which there may not be."

"But there could be. Got it. Should I make sure everyone is up while the both of you navigate?"

"We might need everyone to buckle in. This ship doesn't have guns, defenses, anything. All we have is evasion, and Sollux."

"I'll jutht plug mythelf in. We thhould probably refrethh the charge anyway. You'll have to let me know what you thee, VK, thince thith ithn't a full rig I can't thee the way you'll be able to."

"Got it."

The ship was now awake and tense; if this planet had defenses this could be the end. It was now their only option, with dwindling supplies and another bout of shitty luck. It wouldn't surprise them in the slightest if droneships, piloted fighters, or anything else popped up and took them down once and for all.

It would have been great to say they all held their breath, waiting, for them to pass through. But the distance was quite large, and all of them could hear Sollux's strained but forced even breathing. The ship jumped forward slightly, and all of them looked towards the window, and to Vriska.

"Buckle in, grubs. We might have to do more evasion than just the space shit floating around out here. The buddy system still works, so find your partner and get comfy, this might take a while. Also, if there are any last goodbyes you wanted to say, now might be the time. I could miss something shooting at us, so say your last words. Oh, and one seat open next to me if anyone doesn't want to buddy up and hasn't worn full face paint in their lives."

All of them got to their respective seats, sitting with their quickly-decided partners from take off. Vriska was up at the controls, carefully scanning the outside looking for anything that might attack them, flying smoothly through the field of meteors and other junk that littered the outskirts of their star system.

"You doing okay, Gamzee?" Karkat whispered. Gamzee nodded. He still wasn't entirely happy about extended close contact, but he could handle it.

Vriska was dead silent other than the occasional clicking from her tongue The whole of the flight deck looked towards the window and waited for any kind of indication of the final part of any journey. If they did run into fighterships from this planet, that could truly be the end.

"Sollux?"

"Yeah, VK?"

"I don't know your limits, but could you just slam us through here?"

"We're going ath fatht as we can. It'th literally phythicaly impothible for uth to move fathter. That'th the only reathon thith hathn't taken thweepth, that and wormholeth."

"I just would rather be in open space again. I don't like all these ice objects and the idea that something might sneak up on our unsuspecting asses. If we had cannons or guns or anything… Just asking."

"It'th okay, VK. Thith thing can't be too thick. Pluth, the objectth aren't ath clothe ath thome other junk belth." The flight deck was once again silent. It seemed like hours passed and it probably was. All of them were quiet, as Vriska kept moving them through the collections of ice, making sure they didn't hit anything. All of them were quietly waiting for anything to show up, hoping it would board instead of just shoot them down.

The computer beeped, and a low hum admitted from the onboard communications hub. The hum turned into a series of beeps, some longer than other's matching the tone of the hum dropping lower and higher. The trolls all looked at each other trying to figure out what it was. Vriska was oddly silent, looking down at the computer.

"I think, we might be getting a message… Like from something, but this isn't in anything that makes sense… Wait… Waaaaaaaait." All of the trolls accepted the new silence, hoping for an update, or anything that Vriska might have to say at this point. The hum was still echoing around the room. "Yeah, I got nothing. It seems really fucking random. Like they decided to mash code or something… Maybe it's their base coding language? I have no idea. Sollux, you can look at it once we're out of here. But… It doesn't make a bit of sense. Why would we receive something like this? You'd think if it was a warning it would kick on our communicators and tell us to turn back now, or something."

"Maybe they're thtill only exploring their thtar thythtem. Maybe thith ith thome type of methage to athk if they are alone in the univerthe? Which ith pretty thtupid. Do they know how big the univerthe ith? It'd be thtupid to think they were the only thentient planet."

"Maybe this is how they are trying to communicate with us? Or any "aliens"… I just realized how weird it was to think of all of us as aliens. Guess we'll have to get used to it."

"That humming really needth to thtop, it'th fucking with my own particular frequenthy. It'th annoying too."

"Some day I should ask you how your psionics work, but then I remember I don't care. I'll mute it. Once I figure out how. Ah, there's the lovely mute button." The humming stopped. "We actually should be out of the belt soon, my vote is we're not going to run into anything. I think the Are-th message is our only excitement for the evening. So if everyone agrees let's unbuckle and I'll get us the final few Drodala."

"If that's Vriska's idea, I'm happy to agree. Everyone unbuckle," Karkat said. "Plus, I'm sure no one likes being crammed into those seats any longer than they have to be." He pulled off the belt and stood up; the others quickly followed suit, all of them standing and stretching, each casually checking the public clock that told them they had been sitting there for a few hours. Sollux had warned them that the time would be off, since they were traveling so fast time started to lose relevance.

"I'm going to thtay plugged in for a bit, or until VK giveth me the all clear."

"Well, you can obviously talk in the rig, so meeting. We're all here anyway."

"What do you want to talk about, Young Suffering?"

"Vriska, stop calling me that."

"No."

"Fuck, fine, more important things to do than bicker with you." Karkat took a breath. "How far are we from the planet?"

"Around 2.9 Drozela. Or a obscene amount of Paga from it. Let's just say we've got some time," Vriska said after a pause.

"Okay, supplies-wise how are we looking?"

"Down to the dregs, I'm afraid," Vriska said flatly. "We didn't want to say earlier in case we ran out, didn't want to scare everyone. It's better than we thought, we won't die en route, but we'll need to go carefully with the food and water till we land."

"Wwe already wwere being 'careful'," Eridan scoffed.

"Says the one whose blood colour can survive longest without food next to Feferi," Karkat muttered. "If you weren't Gamzee's ashmate I might suggest we eat you."

"Hey, Equ's got more meat on than me, wwhy not him first?"

"Interrupting all of you. We're all clear, we're within the star's orbit now," Vriska said, standing up from the controls. She took a moment before she turned and joined the rest of the group. "The meeting can now continue."

Sollux unstrapped himself, and moved over to the center console. He looked over the message for a long moment, before cocking his head to the side. "Thith lookth like corrupt beenary. We can jutht delete it, it'th corrupted." He pressed a few buttons on the console, erasing the message history. "A two million beeyte methage that's corrupted. Wow. I hope thith ithn't a reflection of their thpthies. They code worthe than KK."

"Any signs of defenses? Outposts? Anyone at all we might run into? I'm getting kind of creeped out by the lack of attack."

"Nothing." Sollux frowned. "Lookth like thith thpethieth hathn't even figured out how to get off-planet yet… If they haven't, then when we land that could be really good or really bad."

"Well, we weren't planning to make a big show of landing anyway. Guess we'll find somewhere relatively underpopulated, try to stay hidden, and if all else fails beg for sanctuary and hope the natives aren't too territorial."

Gamzee peered out of the window. "Hey, guys, guys! Look!" The trolls gathered, and their eyes widened as they took their first look at their destination. From this distance the planet was a soft bluegreen, swirls of white cloud flowing over it. It was beautiful, and not just that; they were still hungry and exhausted, still missing their home, but they felt their hearts filled with a new rush of hope. Enough to get them through the last leg of their journey, hard as it may be.

Tavros glanced sideways at Gamzee, and thought he might burst with the relieved joy when he realised that, for the first time since before conscription, he was seeing Gamzee truly smiling.

* * *

**Drodala** n. a unit of measurement. The distance between Alternia and her moons or 13074.82 paga. _(measures 384,400 km | 238,900 mi)_

**Drozela** n. a unit of measurement. The distance between Alternia and her sun or 389 Drodala (dd) _(measures 149.6e+5 km | 92.96e+4 mi)_


End file.
